| | The use of “epitome” is a sophisticated without being overly complicated |
The phrase “a shadow if its former glory” uses vocabulary successfully to develop the description | ||
| The image of the lively house is contrasted with the word ‘dead’ to add emphasis | |
The focus on time adverbials emphasise the change e.g. “now”, “no longer” and “once” |
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures for clarity, purpose and effect, with accurate spelling and punctuation |
| | The separation of the clauses using a semi-colon in this long sentence is effective as the second phrase directly builds on the first |
Below is an example of a full-mark Level 4 model story:
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Sam is a graduate in English Language and Literature, specialising in journalism and the history and varieties of English. Before teaching, Sam had a career in tourism in South Africa and Europe. After training to become a teacher, Sam taught English Language and Literature and Communication and Culture in three outstanding secondary schools across England. Her teaching experience began in nursery schools, where she achieved a qualification in Early Years Foundation education. Sam went on to train in the SEN department of a secondary school, working closely with visually impaired students. From there, she went on to manage KS3 and GCSE English language and literature, as well as leading the Sixth Form curriculum. During this time, Sam trained as an examiner in AQA and iGCSE and has marked GCSE English examinations across a range of specifications. She went on to tutor Business English, English as a Second Language and international GCSE English to students around the world, as well as tutoring A level, GCSE and KS3 students for educational provisions in England. Sam freelances as a ghostwriter on novels, business articles and reports, academic resources and non-fiction books.
Miss Huttlestone's GCSE English
Because a whole class of wonderful minds are better than just one!
I recently asked my year 11s to pen a piece of description and/or narrative writing for their mini assessment. I gave them the following prompts:
Your school wants you to contribute to a collection of creative writing.
EITHER: Write a short story as suggested by this picture:
OR: Write a description about a person who has made a strong impression on you.
The following were two COMPELLING and CONVINCING examples of the second choice – one pupil taking ‘you’ as a fictional invitation, the other as a biographical one:
EXAMPLE ONE:
Gradually, I awake and open my eyes only to see the cracked white ceiling which greets me every day. Here I sit, slumped in the bed with the scratchy white sheets hugging me and muffled beeping noises jumping into my ears. Rubbing the sleep crust from my bloodshot eyes, I observe the scene before me. The sound of footsteps overlapping as nurses rush from bed to bed; the metallic tang from stainless steel invading my nostrils; the cold metal bed rail imprisoning and mocking me; the pungent scent of antiseptic troubling me and the blood-curdling cries and moans utterly terrifying me. Using all my strength, I try to imagine I am somewhere else, anywhere else but here.
Crowds, signs, roars: it was 1903 and the suffragette movement had begun. It was a crisp night, refreshing almost and I had taken to the streets. It was like I was possessed by something that night, some urge and deep desire within me that had led me there, surrounded by women like myself. I stood clueless and lost in the crowd; the women yelling ‘Deeds not words’ in unison; passionately parading with large wooden signs and viciously shattering windows with bricks and stones. Despite the violence that was displayed before me, I was not afraid of what was happening and I didn’t deem it unnecessary or improper, in fact I wanted the same as these women, I wanted equality. Abruptly, all of the roars and cheers became muted and faint, one woman walked slowly towards me, her hair messily swooped into an updo, her clothes somewhat dirtied and her chocolate brown corset slightly loosened. There was a glimmer in her eyes as tears seemed to swell within their hazel pools, she seemed inspired, hopeful. After reaching me in the crowd, she held out her hand, gently passing me a sign. Immediately, I clasped it and the yelling and chanting rang loudly in my ears once more. My journey had begun.
Here however, is where it ends. I am aware I do not have much time left, as the doctors have told me so, and spending my last moments in this hospital room is not optimal. However, as I look around I can see beauty within a room which at first glance seems void of it. The hollow medical tubes by my side remind me of the awful act of force feeding I have faced in the past; the shrieks and bawls of patients reflecting the pain women had felt in my time and the bed bars mirroring the prisons we were thrown into and the gates we would chain ourselves too. I know these things may seem far from beautiful, but I can see my past within this room, the power I possessed and the changes I have contributed to today. I know now that I can leave this earth having had an impact. Slowly I close my eyes, I can see her, the women who changed my life many years ago, her name, Emmeline Pankhurst.
EXAMPLE TWO:
I will never forget that day. The hazel pools of her eyes glazed over, and hands delicately placed at her sides. Nobody in the room could quite grasp the fact that this was happening. The crowds of black attire row on row seemed to mimic the thing she loves most in life, the piano. However, this time she had taken the ivory natural keys with her and left everyone else with the sharp tones. You needed both to create beautiful symphonies but all that filled the room was the excruciating silence of her absense. Even the metronone like ticks of the clock seemed to come to a standstill.
It had all began that day, she seemed to open up this whole new world for us to explore together as she placed my fingers onto the keys for the first time. I knew that this was what I was meant to do. She was the most passionately beautiful pianist I had ever seen in my life. Often, I would peer round the oak doorway before my lessons just to catch a glimpse at her. It seemed like nothing in the world mattered to her at the time.
As the years progressed, so did the scope of this world we were exploring. Each sheet of lovingly handwritten sheet music was like a new section of the map we were slowly creating together. Each of her students had their own map. Each as beautiful and each as unique as the pianist. The crotchets and quavers that adorned the staves directed the different paths we could take as my fingers graced the keys. This may not have been a beautiful ballet routine, but this was our dance and it had been carefully choreographed just for us.
That piano room was the safest place in the world. Every inch of it her: the potent scent of her floral perfume; shelves full of scruffy and well loved sheet music; rows upon rows of framed photos of her and her students; the vintage piano which she always kept in tune, it was home. I couldn’t bear the
idea that someone else was going move in and rip away the music room without a second thought. It was her music room.
It was up to me now. Up to me to finish this journey we had begun together.
She may not be with me in person anymore, but she will always live within the world we built together and nothing could ever change that. For she could never truly be gone since she left a piece of her within every one of her students; the passion for piano.
Published by.
Secondary English teacher in Herts. View all posts by gcseenglishwithmisshuttlestone
This has helped me a lot, I myself am preparing for a narrative test like this and these prompts and descriptive short stories are marvellous! Thank you for sharing this! 🙂
My pleasure!
Osterley Education Quality Tuition for all ages
Here are our top tips for acing any creative writing exam!
1. HAVE A BANK OF STORY PLOT LINES READY
One of our top tips for any creative writing exam, is to have a bank of easily adapted plot ideas up your sleeve. Time is precious in an exam and you need to spend minimal time thinking, leaving you with the maximum amount of time to crack on with your writing!
2. DON'T MAKE YOUR PLOT LINES COMPLICATED
Don’t make your plot too complicated- only one thing needs to happen- just DESCRIBE ONE TEN MINUTE MOMENT. If your story was turned into a film, it would be a 10 minute scene, not a 2 hour film! Keep it simple!
3. DESCRIBE DON'T EXPLAIN
This point carries on from point 2. When you have a complicated plot then you end up explaining and summarising. What any teacher or examiner wants to see in a story is description. One moment described very slowly, in lots of detail.
4. DON'T BE AFRAID TO 'MAGPIE' IDEAS
'Magpieing' is a phrase that teachers use to describe using other people's ideas for story writing. Authors do it all the time! Nothing needs to be original! If you hear a great phrase in a book that you are reading, use it in a story!
5. SHOW DON'T TELL
'Show don't tell' is phrase that teachers use all the time, when teaching creative writing. It means, don't TELL me that the character is nervous; SHOW me that they are nervous by describing their sweaty palms and butterflies flutterin g in their tummy.
6. PAINT A PICTURE IN THE READER'S MIND
If you write a simple sentence such as, 'The man walked down the road', you will conjure up different images in different reader's minds! Is it a tall man or a short man? Is he walking angrily or happily? Add description to paint the same picture in the reader's mind, as you have in your own!
7. USE POWERFUL VERBS
The difference between an ok story and a great story, usually comes down to verb choices. Every sentence must contain a verb, so why not use powerful verb choices! For example, 'said' is a boring verb. Swap it for a verb such as 'mumbled' or 'screeched' to add more description!
8. PERSONIFICATION
Personification is a writing technique, where an object is described like a person. The effect is that it tells you the mood of the story- how the characters are feeling. In a happy story, the sun might be smiling but if the mood of the story is angry, the sun might be scowling!
9. SIMILES AND METAPHORS
Similes and metaphors are both types of comparisons. We use these comparisons to exaggerate a quality. Similes use the word LIKE or AS- ' He ran as fast as a racing car' or 'He zoomed like a racing car'. A metaphor does not contain like or as- 'He was a racing car zooming.'
10. ALLITERATION
Alliteration is when words near or next to each other start with the same sound. An alliterative phrase like, 'flickering, firey flames' is effective because the repetition of the F sound emphasises the sound of the fire. This is a great way to add marks in an exam!
11. ONOMATOPOEIA
We always want to describe using our senses, and onomatopoeic words describe sounds. Using sounds as verbs in a sentence, for example, BANGING, CRASHED, RUSTLING, SCREECHED, is a great way to add extra marks in a creative writing exam.
12. AVOID REPETITION
Avoid repetition! Make sure that you vary the first word in every sentence- sometimes start with a verb, sometimes start with a preposition, sometimes sart with an adverb... Do NOT always start with He/ She/ The! Also, vary your sentence length- some short, some medium, some long.
13. GREAT WAYS TO START A STORY
Think carefully about the first sentence in your story, and more importantly the first WORD! Do not start with ‘Once upon a time’ or ‘One day’. Starting with a subordinating conjunction like ‘As’ or ‘While’, is a great way to open a story as you are instantly giving the reader additional information to paint a picture of the scene in their minds.
14. PREPOSITIONS
Use prepositions in your sto ry- particularly at the start of sentences. Prepositions are words that tell us WHEN or WHERE. Prepositions that show where, are particularly good when describing a setting. It allows you to be precise and to paint a picture in the reader's mind.
15. AVOID DIRECT SPEECH
Do not overuse direct speech- it tends to explain rather than describe. Direct speech can be a great way to start a story and it is effective in establishing relationships between the characters- but use it no more than twice. You will get a mark for correct punctuation but don’t waste dozens of lines on one mark!
16. USE THE ACRONYM MAPSO
Use the acronym MAPSO as a checklist to ensure that you have used a variety of techniques in your story. There are lots of acronyms out there, but I like MAPSO the best- it’s short, easy to remember and covers the 5 most important techniques- Metaphor, Alliteration, Personification, Simile, Onomatopoeia.
17. DESCRIBE ACTIONS NOT FEELINGS
Avoid using these phrases in a story- they FELT, they THOUGHT, they WONDERED, they REALISED, they DECIDED… all of these phrases TELL the reader and what we want to do is SHOW. The reader is able to work out for themselves what the character is thinking and feeling from the description of their ACTIONS.
18. WHO/ WHERE/ WHEN/ WHAT/ WHY/ HOW
By the end of the first paragraph, make sure that the reader has an idea of WHO your character is, WHERE they are, WHEN it is (time of day/ season), WHAT they are doing when the story begins, HOW they are doing it (the mood) and WHY (it does not matter what order you put this information in).
19. PLANNING
The key thing is to keep your plan short- spend no more than 2 minutes- it doesn’t matter if your plan is messy and you shouldn’t write in full sentences. A five part plan is ideal (just a few words for each section) as 5 paragraphs is about the right length for a story written in a half hour exam.
20. CHECK SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION
Always leave yourself a few minutes at the end of the exam to check for silly mistakes!
Subject: English
Age range: 14-16
Resource type: Other
Last updated
1 August 2024
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Fab resource for the new English GCSE - saved me loads of prep time. :)
Thanks so much for your review - I really do appreciate it. Please check out my website - www.Teacher-of-English.com - for thousands more English teaching resources.<br /> <br /> If you use the promo code ENG25 you'll get 25% off too!<br /> <br /> Have a great day.<br />
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Tips and strategies for writing a high scoring GCSE creative writing paper: 1. Learn the formats. Know the different formats and conventions of the different GCSE writing tasks. There is a standard layout for a leaflet, for example, where including contact details and a series of bullet points is part of the mark scheme.
This booklet is to support your creative writing practice in preparation for your GCSE Language exam. There are two papers: Paper 1 and Paper 2. In Paper 1, the last ques-tion is 40 marks. It will ask you to write either a description as suggested from a picture, or a short story. 24 of these marks are for the ideas you put on the page. 16 of these
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Before embarking on your creative writing journey, gaining a comprehensive understanding of the assessment criteria is imperative. The evaluators of your English language GCSE creative writing piece will scrutinise several key areas: the coherence of your narrative structure, range of ideas you explore, the variety and complexity of your sentence structures, and the precision of your spelling ...
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2 Grade 9 Creative Writing Examples. I recently asked my year 11s to pen a piece of description and/or narrative writing for their mini assessment. I gave them the following prompts: Your school wants you to contribute to a collection of creative writing. EITHER: Write a short story as suggested by this picture:
1. HAVE A BANK OF STORY PLOT LINES READY. One of our top tips for any creative writing exam, is to have a bank of easily adapted plot ideas up your sleeve. Time is precious in an exam and you need to spend minimal time thinking, leaving you with the maximum amount of time to crack on with your writing! 2.
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