what makes me happy essay for class 4

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What makes me happy.

• Playing with my friends makes me very happy.
• I love eating ice cream on a sunny day.
• My favorite toy brings me lots of joy.
• When I see my pet dog wagging its tail, I feel happy.
• Reading a funny book with my mom is a fun time.
• Going to the park and swinging on the swings is exciting.
• Drawing colorful pictures makes me smile.
• Singing my favorite songs is always a happy time.
• Spending time with my family makes me feel loved.
• Every day is happy when I get to do the things I enjoy.

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Essay On What Makes Me Happy

There are many things in life that make us happy, but what makes us the happiest? There is no one answer to this question, as everyone has different values and priorities that make them happy. However, there are some things that are common to all people who are happy – they enjoy doing things that make them feel good, they have strong relationships with family and friends, and they find meaning in their lives. In this essay, we will explore each of these topics in greater detail and look at what makes each of them so important to us.

Table of Contents

Short Essay On What Makes Me Happy

Happiness is a feeling that we all strive for in life, and what makes each person happy can be different and unique. For me, there are several things that bring joy and happiness into my life, and I would like to share a few of them.

First and foremost, spending time with loved ones is what makes me the happiest. Whether it is going out for a meal, taking a walk, or simply having a chat, being surrounded by people I care about is what brings me the most joy. Spending quality time with family and friends creates memories and strengthens bonds, and I find that this is what brings me the most happiness in life.

Another thing that brings me happiness is traveling and exploring new places. I love experiencing new cultures, trying new foods, and seeing new sights. Traveling broadens my horizons and provides a sense of adventure and excitement, which I find extremely fulfilling. Whether it is a road trip, a weekend getaway, or a longer trip abroad, exploring new destinations always brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

In addition, I find that engaging in hobbies and activities that I am passionate about also brings me happiness. Whether it is photography, reading, or playing a musical instrument, these activities allow me to escape from the stress of daily life and focus on something that brings me joy and fulfillment. Pursuing my hobbies provides a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, and it is a way for me to express my creativity and individuality.

Finally, volunteering and giving back to others is something that brings me happiness and a sense of purpose. Whether it is helping at a local food bank, volunteering at a local animal shelter, or simply lending a helping hand to someone in need, helping others is a way to make a positive impact on the world and feel good about oneself.

In conclusion, there are many things that bring happiness into my life, and each person’s list will be different. For me, spending time with loved ones, traveling, engaging in hobbies, and giving back to others are all things that bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart. These are the things that make me happy, and I believe that they are the key to a fulfilling and happy life.

Long Essay On What Makes Me Happy

I believe that there are a few qualities that make me happy. One of the things that makes me happy is when I am able to help others. Another thing that makes me happy is spending time with my family and friends. Additionally, I enjoy doing activities that I love or have always loved. Lastly, I am also very grateful for all the blessings in my life.

How have my past experiences made me happy?

I have had a lot of experiences that have made me happy. Some of these experiences were things that I did myself, while others were things that happened to me. Regardless of how they occurred, every single experience has contributed to making me the person I am today.

One example of an experience that I enjoyed myself was when I took my first cooking class. It was a new challenge for me and it was rewarding to learn something new and make something delicious for someone else in the class. Another experience that made me happy was when I got accepted into my dream school. It was a hard process but it was worth it when I got the acceptance letter in the mail.

Some of the happiest moments in my life have come as a result of other people doing things for me. One such moment occurred when my grandma gave me a birthday present that she had been saving up for years – her entire collection of cookbooks! Another time, my friends organized an impromptu party at my house after I got back from travelling overseas and everything went smoothly thanks to their planning.

The list could go on and on, but ultimately what makes me happy is simply experiencing various things in life and feeling grateful for all the good that has come my way. Every little thing – no matter how small – contributes to creating a happiness inside of me which is difficult to shake off even once those special memories have faded away.

What do I need to do to increase my chances of happiness?

There is no single answer to this question, as everyone has different needs and wants. However, some things that may help increase your chances of happiness are: spending time with loved ones, enjoying hobbies or activities you enjoy, maintaining healthy personal relationships, and working towards goals that make you happy. Additionally, it’s important to be mindful of your surroundings and take in all the beauty around you. Happiness can come from small moments as well as larger ones. Be sure to savor both!

Happiness is an elusive concept, but for me, it comes down to a few simple things. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, enjoying nature whenever possible, and indulging in my favorite hobbies. These are all things that make me happy and help me rid myself of stress. If you can find something that makes you happy on a regular basis then I believe you will be just as content as I am. So go out there and find what makes you smile – it might just be the key to happiness!

Manisha Dubey Jha is a skilled educational content writer with 5 years of experience. Specializing in essays and paragraphs, she’s dedicated to crafting engaging and informative content that enriches learning experiences.

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• School Education /

Essay On What Makes Me Happy for Students in English

• Updated on  
• May 30, 2024

What makes you happy? A normal person is happy when he/ she is surrounded by his/ her loved ones. Family, friends, success in life, and personal interests are the main factors determining our happiness. However, feeling happy is a subjective view that differs from person to person. Here are some samples of how to write an essay on what makes me happy for school students.

Table of Contents

• 1 Short Essay On What Makes Me Happy
• 2 Essay On What Makes Me Happy For Class 6 
• 3 10 Things That Makes Me Happy

Short Essay On What Makes Me Happy

Also Read: National Science Day

Essay On What Makes Me Happy For Class 6 

Also Read: Digital India for Students

10 Things That Makes Me Happy

• Spending time with my family and friends- Spending time with my loved ones makes me very happy. Whether it’s doing an activity together or simply enjoying each other’s company in silence, these simple moments are worth sharing with your friends and family.
• Connecting with nature – Nature provides a sense of relaxation and calm. The sound of birds and a calm breeze might bring you joy along with peace.
• Engaging in hobbies – Doing something you enjoy can connect you to your creative side, which can provide a sense of relaxation and happiness.
• Helping others – Helping others, even in simple ways like being nice or offering a listening ear, can give you a sense of purpose and fulfilment. 
• Learning new things – Learning something new can provide a sense of satisfaction, which promotes growth. This might be a great opportunity to grow in a variety of ways.
• Achieving goals – Achieving your goal after a lot of effort can provide a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment, bringing peace to one’s mind.
• Enjoying a good meal – A good meal can improve your mood. So, whether you’re making or eating meal, it will give you a lot of joy.
• Expressing Gratitude- Acknowledging and appreciating the things around us reflects blessings in our life, which promotes a sense of contentment.
• Relax – Relaxing does not just mean sleeping or taking a nap; it also includes ways that recover your body from tiredness. It could be a relaxing bath, meditation, or anything else that reduces stress.
• Laughter – Laughing for a few seconds can instantly improve your mood. Have a good laugh whenever you get the chance. It can be an inside joke or watching a comedy scene; just a few seconds can re-energize you.

A.1 True and lasting happiness comes from deeper sources like meaningful relationships, personal fulfilment, and a sense of life satisfaction.

A.2 Being in nature brings peace, which reduces anger, anxiety, and stress. Spending a few minutes in nature can improve your emotional well-being.

A.3 Happiness differs from person to person because everyone has a different sense of what makes them happy. Their pleasure is determined by their life expectations, cultural and societal impact, and purpose in life.

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Happiness Essay for Students and Children

500+ words essay on happiness.

Happiness is something which we can’t describe in words it can only be felt from someone’s expression of a smile. Likewise, happiness is a signal or identification of good and prosperous life. Happiness is very simple to feel and difficult to describe. Moreover, happiness comes from within and no one can steal your happiness.

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

Every day we see and meet people who look happy from the outside but deep down they are broken and are sad from the inside. For many people, money is the main cause of happiness or grief. But this is not right. Money can buy you food, luxurious house, healthy lifestyle servants, and many more facilities but money can’t buy you happiness.

And if money can buy happiness then the rich would be the happiest person on the earth. But, we see a contrary image of the rich as they are sad, fearful, anxious, stressed, and suffering from various problems.

In addition, they have money still they lack in social life with their family especially their wives and this is the main cause of divorce among them.

Also, due to money, they feel insecurity that everyone is after their money so to safeguard their money and them they hire security. While the condition of the poor is just the opposite. They do not have money but they are happy with and stress-free from these problems.

In addition, they take care of their wife and children and their divorce rate is also very low.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Happiness Comes from Within

As we now know that we can’t buy happiness with money and there is no other shortcut to happiness. It is something that you feel from within.

In addition, true happiness comes from within yourself. Happiness is basically a state of mind.

Moreover, it can only be achieved by being positive and avoiding any negative thought in mind. And if we look at the bright side of ourselves only then we can be happy.

Happiness in a Relationship

People nowadays are not satisfied with their relationship because of their differences and much other reason. But for being happy in a relationship we have to understand that there are some rules or mutual understanding that keeps a relationship healthy and happy.

Firstly, take care of yourself then your partner because if you yourself are not happy then how can you make your partner happy.

Secondly, for a happy and healthy relationship give you partner some time and space. In addition, try to understand their feeling and comfort level because if you don’t understand these things then you won’t be able to properly understand your partner.

Most importantly, take initiative and plan to go out with your partner and family. Besides, if they have plans then go with them.

To conclude, we can say that happiness can only be achieved by having positive thinking and enjoying life. Also, for being happy and keeping the people around us happy we have to develop a healthy relationship with them. Additionally, we also have to give them the proper time.

FAQs about Happiness

Q.1 What is True Happiness? A.1 True happiness means the satisfaction that you find worthy. The long-lasting true happiness comes from life experience, a feeling of purpose, and a positive relationship.

Q.2 Who is happier the rich or the poor and who is more wealthy rich or poor? A.2 The poor are happier then the rich but if we talk about wealth the rich are more wealthy then the poor. Besides, wealth brings insecurity, anxiety and many other problems.

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Essay on What makes me Happy

The word happiness when comes to our mind displays the images of a smiling or a laughing face in front of us. Isn’t it true? This is the fact that no one in this world wants to be sad. We all are in search of happiness. The way of finding happiness is different in every person in this universe. There are many things in this world that bring smiles and satisfaction to the face of people.

Short and Long Essays on What makes me Happy in English

Find here some essays of your interest:

10 Lines Essay on What makes me Happy (100 – 120 Words)

1) The thing that gives people enjoyment and pleasure makes them happy.

2) Listening to music makes me happy.

3) I love music and also sing very well.

4) Music gives me peace and relaxation.

5) When I feel bored or alone, music becomes my partner.

6) Music soothes my mind and improves my mood.

7) I feel energetic on listening to my favorite music.

8) Music is a great way to keep me motivated.

9) Music makes me happy even when I am full of anger.

10) Music and musical instruments give me internal joy and happiness.

Short Essay – 300 Words

Introduction

Happiness is referred to as a good state of mind and body. People often smile, sing, and dance when they are happy. The perspective of happiness is different for everyone in this world. We all must try to find out and note down the things that can make us happy. We can do those things for getting happiness whenever we are in a bad mood or sad.

Happiness lies in enjoying small things in life

It is presumed that happiness lies in doing big things. Many of us think that earning a lot of money and holding a nice position is necessary for getting happiness. It is true that success brings happiness but it does not mean that it is only the way to be happy. In reality, happiness lies in enjoying small-small things in our life. The happiness that we get by doing these things is a very beautiful experience. I feel happy when I help my mother in her kitchen work, water the plants, eat my favorite dish, go for a walk, listen to music, play with pets, spend time with family, gossip with friends, etc. We need to find ways of getting happy instead of waiting for it to come by itself.

The beauty of nature and melody of music enhances the feeling of happiness

We must try to listen to music or feel the beauty of nature when we are happy. Happiness is enhanced when enjoyed in nature with the melody of music. Music has the power to reduce the pain of sadness. We have often noticed that people listen to music when they are very sad or depressed. It helps them in ending the pain of their sorrow and makes them feel better.

The best way to keep ourselves stress-free is to be happy. Therefore we must try to find ways to be happy and make others happy too.

In the long essay, I will be sharing some important things in my life that provide happiness to me. I hope that you all would be having such experiences in your life too. This essay will be an aid to the students in getting an idea about writing an essay, assignment, or project on this topic.

Essay on Things that make me Happy – Long Essay (1000 Words)

Life involves both, sometimes happiness and sometimes sadness. One can never be always happy or sad in their life. Happiness is always followed by sadness. Becoming happy is not very difficult but depends totally upon our perceptions. We can be happy by a number of activities like traveling, reading, shopping, cooking, etc. Our mind is full of excitement and satisfaction when we are happy and this really gets depicted on our faces.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is about getting inner satisfaction and well being of body and mind. Happiness is certainly a great feeling. It is expressed in the form of joy, excitement, pride, gratitude, etc. We all are doing some or the other thing in our lives. Everything we do in our life is only to attain happiness. I think nobody ever does anything to be sad or unhappy. When we are happy everything around us seems to be happy with us. Nothing in this world can be as beautiful as we feel when we are happy. This happiness can be gained because of numerous things in our life.

Happiness makes us optimistic as the negativity in our mind is the exchange by positive thoughts. This positive attitude makes us more enthusiastic and determined for our goals in life. Happiness is also a key to good health and success in our life.

Things that make me Happy

I strongly believe in the idea of simple living and high thinking. When it comes to the question that what makes me feel happy I am really confused. It is because I find my happiness in very small-small things in life. It will be very difficult to enlist those entire things that make me happy but I will be enlisting few important things that provide greater happiness to me.

• My Family – Our Parents are the most precious gift by god to us on the earth. According to me, I have never seen god and therefore my parents on this earth are the form of god for me. The quality time that I spend with my family members makes me feel most happy. The intense care and love they provide us are incomparable to anything in this world. Many of the time when my parents are facing some problems or are tensed, it is also depicted on my face too. The smiling faces of my parents make me happy.
• Some Voluntary Deeds – I used to feed dogs when I was 5 years old. Since then it came into my habit to feed the dogs and cows roaming on the roads. The day I could not feed makes me sad and worried. I find great pleasure in feeding them. I also keep some grains and water in a small bowl on my roof every day to feed and quench the thirst of the birds. This deed makes me happy and I love doing this daily.

I along with some neighborhood friends teach the poor students living nearby our colony. We teach them free of cost. I have learned about this thing from my school. In my school, some of the teachers were said to take evening classes for the poor students without any fee and therefore I thought of starting this work near my house too. This work gives me inner satisfaction that I am going a good job. The happiness that I get in this work cannot be expressed in words.

• The Beauty of Nature with Music – I love enjoying the beauty of nature with music. The trees, birds, small animals, and their activities make me happy. Music is something that heals my every pain of life. During the morning and evening walks, I feel very happy as I am connected with nature along with the music. It is a great joy to watch the activities in nature with the melodies music. As I am fond of singing so many times I sing because of joy and excitement in my garden. I have visited and love going to the places like waterfalls, wildlife parks, and sanctuaries, and to my village. These places make me closer and connected to Mother Nature and provide immense happiness to me.

Is it Necessary to Gain Wealth and Success to be Happy in Life?

Happiness is about the feeling or emotion of the mind. We can be happy with different things in our life. It is totally a misconception that wealth and success are necessary for being happy. If it would be true then the richest people in this world would only be the happiest ones. We can find happiness in our daily routine life with very small things. It totally depends upon us to search out reasons for becoming happy in our life. Happiness arises from the things that we love to do in our life. It can never be bought with money as many times we see that even after having everything in life people are not happy. It is because they are not having those things in life they love to do or far from things that provide them the happiness.

We can find happiness in every moment we live our life. We can say that when we are happy it is easy for us to be directed towards our goal and get success in life. As positive thoughts will make you more enthusiastic and determined for your aim. It will drag every type of negativity from your mind. Success and wealth are about what have we achieved in our life but happiness is something that is felt.

Happiness lies in accepting the truth of our life and living it most gracefully by enjoying every moment of life. There will be some moments created that will make us feel happy. We love and like to live our life by doing the things that make us happy or reside with ones that make our lives a happier one. It helps in getting a peaceful mind and a healthy body. We are also enriched with positive thoughts when we are happy. It is the most beautiful feeling in this universe.

FAQs: Frequently asked Questions

Ans . It simply means getting rid of sadness and gaining the satisfaction of mind and body.

Ans . The most powerful emotion is love that ultimately makes us happy.

Ans . According to the World Happiness Report 2020, Finland is the happiest country in the world.

Ans . The International Day of Happiness is celebrated on 20th March every year since 2013.

Ans . India is ranked at 144th happiest country among 156 countries in the World Happiness Report 2020.

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Essay On Happiness – 10 Lines, Short And Long Essay For Children

Key Points To Remember When Writing An Essay On Happiness For Lower Primary Classes

10 lines on happiness for kids, paragraph on happiness for children, short essay on the importance of happiness for kids, long essay on happiness in english for children, what will your child learn from the essay on happiness.

The importance of happiness in life  cannot be negated by any means. It is a feeling we experience when we are full of joy. We feel happy and content when we accomplish something in life, get something new like a car, or house, a job, an admission, etc., visit a new place with loved ones, have quality family time, or get praise for our deeds. But, in the case of kids, they find happiness in trivial things, which for them, mean a lot. For instance, playing hide and seek, ludo with parents, visiting a park with grandparents, their favourite dish for dinner, an outing with family, bedtime story, a warm embrace, etc. Writing an  essay on happiness for classes 1, 2 and 3 kids  will allow them to explore their version of happiness and simultaneously learn the art of writing. This article comprises many such essays for your reference on the topic.

Writing an essay on happiness  for kids is tricky as they might not find the right expression to do it. Here are some key points for kids that they can use in writing an amazing essay on happiness.

• Write an introduction explaining the concept of happiness.
• Kids must write their definition of happiness and what makes them happy. They can recollect some old memories and write about them too.
• The essay should be written in simple sentences.
• The conclusion must summarise the topic well.

Not all words can catch the real essence of happiness, as the  importance of happiness  is beyond any expression. When kids write an  essay for classes 1 and 2  on this topic, they should explain their understanding of this emotion well. Writing in points is advisable for small kids at the learning stage of sentence construction. Given below are 10 lines on happiness for their reference:

• Happiness comes with the feeling of inner joy and satisfaction.
• Happiness spreads positivity and cheers all around.
• One can not learn happiness; it is an emotion to experience.
• To be happy, one need not be wealthy.
• Happiness cannot be stored or measured but can be shared or spread.
• Everyone has different things that make them joyous.
• No one can steal happiness; it’s something that stays within.
• Even a simple act of kindness or help can make an individual happy.
• Virtues like sharing and giving can make one content and happy.
• The UN declared 20th March the International Day of Happiness to strengthen the importance of happiness in life.

Happiness is a very common topic to be given to the kids in primary classes. Beyond complex statements, teachers expect them to write their understanding of happiness in simple sentences. Here is a paragraph that your kids can use as a reference.

Happiness is the most important thing in life. It is an emotion that can only be felt or lived. As human beings, we feel happy when we feel satisfied and content inside. I feel happiest when I play with friends in school and at home or go out with my parents on weekends. Family time makes me very happy. I feel happy when my mother hugs me before seeing me off to school. I feel happy when my father drops me at the bus stand before going to the office. I feel happy when we all sit together at the dinner table and share our day’s activities.

When students advance academically, they will be expected to write a short essay on the topic of happiness. Kids can refer to the template below to get some ideas and new points to mention.

Happiness is an emotion that an individual can only feel and showcase in actions. Many things make a person happy in their life. It can be a new home, new car, new dress, new toy, etc. But, in my case, I feel happy when I do good in my studies and my teachers, parents, and friends compliment me for the same. I want to achieve great success in my studies in my life and make my parents and teachers proud. My mother and father have many dreams regarding my future, and I would like to fulfil all of those and make them and myself happy. For me, the sense of achievement in life brings happiness and satisfaction. I feel happy when I learn new things in life and get motivated. I have understood that only you can make yourself happy, and I want to make myself happy with my hard work, passion, and achieving a sense of purpose in life.

An  essay for class 3 on happiness should be more detailed and have a clear perspective of the child’s experience. It can have many sub-heads for a better explanation of the topic. Given below is the template for their reference.

Life without happiness is dull and monotonous. Happiness is the key to everything, and it spreads positivity within us and to the people around us, and we cannot undermine its value. We should strive to achieve absolute happiness to lead a meaningful life.

Happiness And Its Benefits

Happiness is the reason to lead a fulfilling life. It is a state of mind that everyone should maintain and strive for. When we have a happy nature, we emit a positive vibe that attracts many optimistic people around us. Scientifically, a happy person leads a healthy life. Happiness keeps our heart health in check, our immune system stronger, and helps us fight negativity easily. Our doctor has asked my grandfather to laugh and stay happy to combat his health issues. He said you would not need these many medicines if you stay happy; you can get well naturally. As per him, a happy person can manage stress well and live a longer life. Happiness increases our motivation to do things better and take on new challenges head-on in life. Happiness is contagious; if we are happy, we can keep our loved ones happy too.

Discover The Inner Happiness

Happiness is the most basic thing that can be achieved with minimal effort. The key is discovering your inner satisfaction and joy, which can be done naturally. Finding what makes you happy is essential. It can be anything, studies, singing, dancing, etc. Drawing, giving food to the needy, and dancing makes me feel happy. My father has told me that if you feel happy doing something, you will excel. He said, when our minds and souls feel satisfied, the result of that action is always positive and worth mentioning.

Is Money The Key To Happiness?

Well, for some, it can be. But in real life, happiness is not subjected to having good money. Small things can make you happy. Delicious food, good friends, and relaxing family time can make anyone happy. I feel happy when my mum makes delicious pancakes on a rainy day, which don’t cost much. How you choose to see life decides your real happiness. Being happy is in your hands.

Ways To Keep Yourself Happy

• Pursue your hobby:  Do whatever you like in your free time to boost your happiness. It can be painting, dancing, skating, swimming, or spending time with friends and family.
• Count your blessings:  Be thankful and count your blessings in life. Remember what you have and not what you don’t.
• Have positive thoughts:  It is a popular belief that “your thoughts make you”. So think good and positive about everything and everyone. And, you will be able to live with contentment.
• Take one day at a time:  Don’t stress too much about the future. It will take its sweet time to happen. Live in the present and cherish every moment.

The most important thing your child will learn is the value of happiness in their life. They would learn to find joy in small moments in their daily activities and will also learn to structure such essays well.

1. Why Is It Important To Keep Yourself Happy?

Happiness leads to a fulfilling life and healthy. If we stay happy, we can keep everyone around us happy and cheerful.

2. How To Attract Happiness And Make It Last Longer?

Happiness is the most inexpensive virtue of life and can be explored in many ways. Our hobbies, likings and day-to-day activities can make us happy. Helping others and sharing can attract happiness in our life. We need to keep doing what is beneficial for our happiness and others around us to make it last longer.

Happiness can’t be bought but lived and felt. We all need to understand this to make our kids understand the same, and there is no better way than writing to make them learn.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Happiness — Holiday Experience: What Makes Me Happy

Holiday Experience: What Makes Me Happy

• Categories: Happiness

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Words: 429 |

Published: Feb 12, 2019

Words: 429 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Table of contents

The importacne of doing what makes you happy, works cited.

• Burgess, H. (2021). 5 ways to make the most of your holidays. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-difference-engine/202106/5-ways-make-the-most-your-holidays
• Burn, S. M., & Szabo, A. (2019). An investigation of the impact of annual leave on job satisfaction, emotional exhaustion, and occupational stress among mental health professionals. Journal of Mental Health, 28(2), 186-193.
• Coon, D., & Mitterer, J. O. (2014). Psychology: Modules for active learning (13th ed.). Cengage Learning.
• Eder, R. W., & Walser, R. D. (2014). The importance of leisure and vacation time. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 10(4), 277-279.
• Elias, N. (2020). 12 reasons why holidays are important. Out of Office. Retrieved from https://www.outofoffice.com/blog/12-reasons-why-holidays-are-important
• Fisher, C. D. (2015). Happiness at work. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 12(8), 8628-8646.
• Gallagher, M. W., Marques, S. C., & Lopez, S. J. (2017). The importance of grit in the prediction of academic success and retention. Journal of College Student Retention: Research, Theory & Practice, 19(4), 332-347.
• Hill, K. (2018). 5 reasons why it’s important to take a break from work. Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/kaytiezimmerman/2018/07/11/5-reasons-why-its-important-to-take-a-break-from-work/?sh=6c9acfc13dbf
• Januszka, M., & Andruszkiewicz, A. (2018). Emotional exhaustion and workaholism: The impact of goal attainment, obsessive-compulsive tendencies and work–life balance. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 27(3), 290-303.
• Kim, J. (2018). Positive psychological effects of leisure activities: Does distance from the everyday make a difference? Journal of Leisure Research, 50(4), 396-408.

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Essay on Things That Make Me Happy

Students are often asked to write an essay on Things That Make Me Happy in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Things That Make Me Happy

Introduction.

Happiness is a feeling that everyone enjoys. It comes from different things for different people. For me, there are many things that make me happy. They range from simple pleasures to cherished moments with loved ones.

Family Time

Spending time with my family is one of the things that makes me very happy. Whether it’s a simple dinner, a movie night, or a family trip, these moments are precious to me. I love the laughter, stories, and love that we share.

Reading Books

Reading books is another thing that brings me joy. Books take me to different worlds and let me live different lives. The thrill of a good story always makes me happy.

Helping Others

Helping others is something that gives me great joy. Seeing the smile on someone’s face when I help them is priceless. It makes me feel good about myself and brings me happiness.

In conclusion, many things make me happy. They may seem simple, but they fill my heart with joy. Remember, it’s the small things in life that often bring the most happiness.

250 Words Essay on Things That Make Me Happy

Happiness is a feeling that everyone cherishes. Each person has different things that make them happy. I also have a list of things that bring a smile to my face and fill my heart with joy.

The first thing that makes me happy is my family. Their love and support give me strength. We share laughter, stories, and meals together. These moments are very special to me.

My friends are another source of my happiness. We play, study, and share secrets together. Their company brings me immense joy. They are always there for me, in good times and bad, which makes me feel loved and valued.

Reading books is another thing that makes me happy. Books take me to different worlds and time periods. I learn about new things, people, and places. This knowledge and the journey of imagination that books provide make me very happy.

Music is like magic to me. It can change my mood in an instant. When I listen to my favorite songs, I feel a sense of joy that is hard to explain. It’s like the music speaks to my soul and makes me feel at peace.

500 Words Essay on Things That Make Me Happy

Happiness is a feeling that everyone cherishes. It is like a warm bubble of joy that fills our hearts and makes us smile. What makes me happy might be different from what makes you happy because happiness is personal. For me, there are many things that bring happiness. Some of these things are simple, while others are more complex.

Spending Time with Family and Friends

One of the main things that make me happy is spending time with my family and friends. Whether we are laughing, talking, or just being together, these moments bring me great joy. I feel loved and cared for when I am with them. They understand me and accept me just as I am. This feeling of love and acceptance is a big source of happiness for me.

Another thing that makes me happy is reading books. Books take me to different worlds and let me live many lives. They teach me new things and help me see the world from different points of view. When I read a good book, I feel a kind of joy that is hard to describe. It’s like finding a new friend who understands you and shares your thoughts.

Playing Sports

Playing sports is another thing that makes me happy. When I play sports, I feel alive and full of energy. I love the feeling of running fast, the thrill of scoring a goal, and the joy of being part of a team. Sports help me stay fit and healthy, which also makes me feel good about myself.

Helping others also brings me happiness. When I help someone, I feel a sense of satisfaction that is very rewarding. It makes me feel good to know that I have made a difference in someone’s life, no matter how small. This feeling of making a positive impact gives me a deep sense of happiness.

Nature’s Beauty

In conclusion, many things make me happy. Spending time with family and friends, reading books, playing sports, helping others, and enjoying nature’s beauty are just a few of them. These things bring me joy and make my life more meaningful. They remind me of the good things in life and help me stay positive and happy. Everyone has different things that make them happy. The key is to find what makes you happy and make time for it in your life. After all, happiness is not something we find, but something we create.

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Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4 Format, Examples, Exercises

Paragraph writing topics for class 4 with hints.

Paragraph writing is an essential skill that students need to develop to excel in their academic and professional lives. In Class 4, students are introduced to various writing styles and are taught how to structure their paragraphs. Writing a good paragraph requires practice, creativity, English Grammar , and attention to detail. In this article, we will discuss some exciting paragraph writing topics for Class 4 students to help them develop their writing skills.

One of the most important aspects of paragraph writing is choosing the right topic. A good topic should be engaging, informative, and relevant to the reader. It should also be easy to research and write about. In this article, we have compiled a list of paragraph writing topics that are suitable for Class 4 students. These topics cover a wide range of subjects, from personal experiences to social issues, and are designed to help students improve their writing skills.

By practicing paragraph writing, students can learn how to express their thoughts and ideas effectively. Writing a good paragraph requires students to think critically, organize their ideas, and use proper grammar and punctuation. With the right guidance and practice, students can develop their writing skills and become confident writers. In the next section, we will explore some exciting paragraph writing topics for Class 4 students.

Also Check:   Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 6

Understanding Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

Paragraph writing is the process of organizing and presenting ideas in a clear and concise manner. It involves grouping related sentences together to form a single coherent idea. A paragraph typically consists of three to five sentences, although it can be longer or shorter depending on the writer’s purpose.

Paragraph writing is an essential skill for students to develop, as it is used in a variety of academic and professional contexts. It is an effective way to communicate ideas clearly and logically and to provide supporting evidence for arguments. Paragraphs are used in essays, research papers, reports, and other written assignments to help structure and organize information.

By mastering paragraph writing, students can improve their overall writing skills, including grammar, syntax, and vocabulary. It also helps them to develop critical thinking skills, as they learn to analyze and evaluate information and present their own ideas in a clear and convincing manner.

In summary, paragraph writing is a fundamental skill that students need to master in order to succeed academically and professionally. It allows them to communicate their ideas effectively and persuasively, and to organize information in a logical and coherent manner.

Basics of Paragraph Writing

When it comes to writing a paragraph, there are a few basic elements that should be included to ensure that it is well-structured and effective. This section will cover the three main components of a paragraph: the topic sentence, supporting details, and concluding sentence.

Topic Sentence

The topic sentence is the first sentence of the paragraph and should introduce the main idea or topic that will be discussed in the paragraph. It should be clear and concise, and it should grab the reader’s attention. The topic sentence should also be relevant to the overall theme or purpose of the writing.

Supporting Details

The supporting sentences should provide additional information that is relevant to the topic and helps support the argument of the topic. These sentences should be well-organized and clearly written, with each sentence building on the previous one. It is important to use specific examples and details to support the main idea of the paragraph.

To help organize supporting details, writers can use various techniques such as bullet points, tables, and bold text. These formatting tools can help to make the information more visually appealing and easier to read.

Concluding Sentence

The concluding sentence is the final sentence of the paragraph and should summarize the main points discussed in the paragraph. It should also provide a clear transition to the next paragraph or section of the writing. The concluding sentence should be concise and well-written, leaving a lasting impression on the reader.

In summary, a well-written paragraph should have a clear and concise topic sentence, well-organized supporting details, and a strong concluding sentence. By following these basic principles of paragraph writing, writers can create effective and engaging writing that effectively communicates their ideas to the reader.

Choosing Topics For Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

When it comes to choosing topics for paragraph writing, it is important to select a topic that is interesting and relevant to the student. This will help to keep the student engaged and motivated throughout the writing process. Here are some tips for selecting topics for paragraph writing:

• Choose a topic that the student is familiar with: This will help to make the writing process easier and more enjoyable for the student. They will be able to draw on their own experiences and knowledge to write the paragraph.
• Choose a topic that is relevant to the student’s interests: If the student is interested in a particular subject, they are more likely to be engaged and motivated when writing about it. This will also help to make the writing process more enjoyable for the student.
• Choose a topic that is appropriate for the student’s level: It is important to choose a topic that is appropriate for the student’s level of writing. If the topic is too difficult, the student may become frustrated and lose interest in the writing process.
• Use prompts: Prompts can be a helpful tool for selecting topics for paragraph writing. They provide a starting point for the student and can help to spark their creativity.

By following these tips, teachers and parents can help students to select topics for paragraph writing that are engaging, relevant, and appropriate for their level of writing.

Examples Of Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

Personal Experiences

Paragraph writing can be a great way for students to express their personal experiences. Here are some examples of topics that can be used for personal experience paragraphs:

• My favorite memory from summer vacation
• A time when I overcame a fear
• A special talent or skill I have
• The best day of my life
• A time when I helped someone in need

Descriptive Topics

Descriptive paragraphs allow students to practice using sensory details to paint a picture for the reader. Here are some examples of topics that can be used for descriptive paragraphs:

• A walk through a forest
• My favorite place to visit
• A day at the beach
• A winter wonderland
• A visit to a museum

Narrative Topics

Narrative paragraphs allow students to practice telling a story. Here are some examples of topics that can be used for narrative paragraphs:

• The time I got lost in a new city
• A funny family story
• The day I got my first pet
• A scary experience I had
• The best birthday party I ever had

Expository Topics

Expository paragraphs allow students to explain or inform the reader about a topic. Here are some examples of topics that can be used for expository paragraphs:

• The benefits of exercise
• How to make your favorite food
• The history of a holiday
• The importance of recycling
• How to care for a pet

Practicing Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

Practicing paragraph writing is an essential skill for fourth-grade students. It helps them develop their writing skills and express their thoughts and ideas in a clear and concise manner. Here are some tips to help students practice paragraph writing effectively:

1. Start with a Topic Sentence

A topic sentence is the first sentence of a paragraph that introduces the main idea or topic of the paragraph. It should be clear and concise, and it should give the reader an idea of what the paragraph is about. Encourage students to write a strong topic sentence that captures the essence of the paragraph.

2. Use Supporting Details

Supporting details are sentences that provide additional information about the topic sentence. They should be relevant and help support the argument of the topic. Encourage students to use specific examples, facts, and details to support their ideas.

3. Organize Thoughts and Ideas

Organizing thoughts and ideas is essential for effective paragraph writing. Encourage students to use graphic organizers, such as mind maps or outlines, to help them organize their thoughts and ideas before writing the paragraph.

4. Practice, Practice, Practice

The more students practice paragraph writing, the better they will become at it. Encourage them to write paragraphs on a variety of topics, including personal experiences, current events, and topics related to their curriculum. Provide feedback and constructive criticism to help them improve their writing skills.

In conclusion, practicing paragraph writing is an essential skill for fourth-grade students. By following these tips, students can develop their writing skills and express their thoughts and ideas in a clear and concise manner.

Tips For Effective Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

When it comes to writing paragraphs, there are a few tips that can help make them more effective. These tips can help students in Class 4 to write better paragraphs and improve their overall writing skills.

Firstly, it is important to have a clear topic sentence. The topic sentence should introduce the main idea of the paragraph and give the reader an idea of what to expect. It should be clear and concise, and should not be too broad or too narrow.

Secondly, students should use supporting details to back up their topic sentences. These details can include examples, facts, or quotes that help to illustrate the main idea of the paragraph. It is important to use relevant and accurate information and to avoid using information that is not related to the topic.

Thirdly, students should use transitional words and phrases to connect their ideas and make their paragraphs flow smoothly. These words and phrases can include “however,” “in addition,” “on the other hand,” and “therefore.” They help to show the relationship between different ideas and make the paragraph easier to read and understand.

Finally, students should always proofread their paragraphs before submitting them. This means checking for spelling and grammar errors, as well as making sure that the paragraph is well-organized and makes sense. By following these tips, students in Class 4 can write effective paragraphs that are clear, concise, and easy to read.

Recommended Reading: Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

Conclusion On Paragraph Writing Topics For Class 4

paragraph writing is a crucial skill that Class 4 students should develop to excel in their academic and professional endeavors. It involves organizing ideas in a coherent manner and effectively expressing thoughts and experiences. Choosing the right topics is essential, as engaging and relevant subjects keep students motivated and interested in the writing process.

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Essay on What makes you Happy

December 13, 2017 by Study Mentor 1 Comment

Being happy is a feeling that each and every human being wants. It’s in human being’s nature to crave happiness. There is nothing wrong in being happy. As a matter of fact, a person should be happy to have a healthy life. There are different people, animals or pets and things that make a person happy.

Each and every human being has different things in which they found happiness. The things may not be of importance to others or look stupid from other’s point of view but for the person, to whom these things belong, knows that they are irreplaceable and for them its value cannot be measured by money. Happiness is a feeling that money cannot ever buy.

Happiness is something that just lights up a person’s whole world in a matter of seconds. Happiness makes a person want to smile always. There are no words that can describe the feeling of happiness properly. It is something that can only be felt by someone. Sometimes the emotion happiness comes out from the eyes in the form of tears. These tears are called as happy tears.

In my life there are a lot of things that makes me happy starting with my family, friends and ends with many non-living thing. I respect each and every thing that makes me happy. However there are two particular things that make me happy the most.

Those two things are listening to music while going for a long walk all by myself. It is weird that these two seemingly unimportant things can give me happiness beyond imagination. But for me these two things are something I treasure from the bottom of my heart and are very important to me.

Music is something that refreshes my mind and keeps me in peace where as walking always calms me down and keeps me relaxed. When I combine walking and listening to music, I am left with relaxed body and refreshed mind which helps me waltz through my day with absolute ease.

From ancient days music is used as a means to calm someone’s mind. Music has always been there. Music can be of different kinds and people can twist music the way they please and create a song. Music has no particular tunes. Different people give different tunes and all of them are music.

I love the way people play with tunes and turn them into something amazing that we call song. These songs are what refresh my mind. Songs are beautiful melodies that are created by people. Every people love songs but not the same songs as people have different types of taste in music.

The kinds of songs that I like are slow songs where the melody is soothing and the lyrics are meaningful. The soothing music is capable of even calming down an angry animal. That is why I like music the most. Listening to music sometimes makes me feel like it is cleansing my soul.

Walking is good for health. A long walk relaxes my body. It makes me feel free of bounds. While walking I can feel the scenery around me. I enjoy walking very much. Walking is also a good exercise and it keeps my body in shape without working out.

While walking my mind wander off to different directions. I get lost in my thoughts often. I think about the problems in my life while walking and walking helps me to make decision in cool and calm mind and free from pressure.

Making important decisions while a person is in a relaxed state, makes the decision important as while the person is relaxed, he or she is free from all the tensions and external pressures and thinks about all the pros and cons of the decision thoroughly before taking it. This helps me in creating a balance in my life.

When I mix music and walking together, I find true peace. I stop thinking about my problems while walking and listening to music and just lose myself in the music and just enjoy a time with myself that I often don’t get. Spending time with me has been a benefit in my case.

In today’s date, each and everyone go through a hectic schedule and don’t get enough holidays to go for a short trip and because of that we don’t get to relax and spend some time with ourselves as much. So, I find some time out from my busy schedule to relax and to spend some time with myself.

Normally, it is not possible for me to relax so I use walking and music to relax. I love doing both individually but as I don’t get much time to do it, I do both of them together and it has benefited me till today and will keep on giving me benefit in the future also.

Whenever I go for a walk to take a break, I listen to music and I am in a hill station and am walking barefoot in a field which is filled with soft grass and the weather is just perfect that is not too warm neither too cold. When I think this, I can almost feel the grass underneath my feet. Yes, all of this is my imagination but this feels me with such happiness that no words will be able to describe that feeling.

Music always soothes me and in my imagination it acts like a back ground soft sound that is emitted throughout the hill to make me addicted to that feeling. This is how it relaxes my mind and body. It is really difficult for me to relax my mind but walking and music has done that for me.

Going for a walk while listening to music every day, has a positive effect on my mind and soul. It makes me happy and allows me to stay calm throughout the whole day. Each day I look forward to the time that I can spend all by myself by taking a break from the busy schedule.

As I mentioned above, the time I spend with myself only happen when the combination of walking and music happens. This is something I won’t ever give up at any cost. It makes me happy specially when I lose myself in the music of the song and think that I am visiting a hill station for a short break.

This is how I release all my frustration and pent up energy. The music flows throughout my body like water and relaxes my muscles too.

Reader Interactions

January 14, 2021 at 11:48 pm

i realy love the all word that you write . please give me some advince to do some writing like this .

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What Makes Me Happy + What Makes me Sad

Subject: Personal, social and health education

Age range: 5-7

Resource type: Worksheet/Activity

Last updated

1 April 2022

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Here are two writing frames for children to record, write or draw what makes them happy and what makes them sad. There are two worked examples to share and talk about with the children showing what makes this pretend child feel happy and sad.

Children can write single words depending on their ability level and / or paste in pictures to illustrate their feelings.

This is a great way to get to know your new class too.

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Happy-go-lucky 4-h club memories and memorabilia.

A package recently arrived at the Missouri 4-H Foundation’s office in Columbia. Inside was a 1930s-era 4-H cap and a perfectly preserved sewing project — a gingham checked coat hanger cover with precise pink stitching spelling out the initials R.C.

The items, along with a memoir, “Blossoming in the Show Me State,” chronicle the early years of Ruth Collins McQuerry, who grew up on a farm in northwestern Missouri.

Ruth eventually married Wayne McQuerry, a Navy reservist. The couple went on to live in different states for Wayne’s service and work in teaching, sales and aerospace. After retiring to California, they traveled extensively, including overseas. But Ruth’s roots reach back to the Atchison County Happy-Go-Lucky 4-H Club, of which she was a member from 1935 to 1941. Her daughter Patricia Usary shared her late mother’s memorabilia in hopes others would enjoy the glimpse into times past.

In a chapter devoted to her time in 4-H, Ruth recalled that Georgia Hedrick, her county school teacher at Eureka, “introduced her students to this wonderful program. Projects included sewing, woodworking and perhaps others that I don’t recall.” Ruth’s mother led the club’s sewing section, teaching the rudiments of hand sewing, including embroidery, as well as how to use her Damascus treadle sewing machine and insisting that seams be ripped out and redone until straight.

“That was a challenge!” Ruth wrote. “Keeping the machine running smoothly required rhythmic coordination of feet pumping the treadle and hands guiding pieces of cloth. In the beginning my legs didn’t quite reach the treadle. With the introduction of hand sewing and sewing machine, we hemmed dishtowels and embroidered designs, make simple blouses and aprons. And eventually skirts and dresses.”

Ruth often exhibited at the county fair, winning blue and red ribbons for her work. She’d sometimes participate in a revue wearing a garment she’d made, such as a navy blue wool skirt, white shirtwaist blouse and blue plaid tailored jacket.

At age 41, her father bought his own farm, where he grew hay, corn, wheat, oats and soybeans. In the early days, he still used draft horses to pull the implements. None of the 4-H club members lived in homes with electricity.

In the summer of 1941, as she was readying to start college, her 4-H club planned a camping trip to Crystal Lake in College Springs, Iowa.

None of the girls’ mothers could take time from “gardening, canning fruits and vegetables or cooking meals for extra farm hands” to serve as chaperones. It was decided that Ruth, at age 17, was old enough to chaperone the seven or eight girls who were going. “The week went smoothly” with the usual fun camping activities, such as making s’mores. “It was a memorable conclusion to my 4-H activities,” Ruth relates, with incredulity that a girl of 17 would be entrusted with such responsibility.

Her daughter Patricia wrote in an email, “Growing up during the Depression, Mother had to be adaptive and creative in making things. Her journey after high school was a challenge to a very shy country girl.”

Ruth was the first person in her family to attend college, at Northwest Missouri State Teacher’s College in Maryville, where she studied to become a home economics teacher.

“She had never been away from home before going to college and she had to work for her room and board,” Patricia wrote. “She never was afraid of hard work and instilled that in each of us as we grew. When she taught high school, she took that creativity to challenge the girls in a cooking class to bake cakes, pies, and cookies using different sweeteners as sugar had been rationed in WWII. They had to compare taste, texture and aroma.

“As an adult, she was a member of Kappa Omicron Phi, that she joined in college and stayed an active member for a number of years. She also continued to take classes to further her education in sewing, tailoring and quilting. Both she and my dad took writing classes through the park and recreation department in Orange County (California), and that’s where her book came to be.”

Related programs

• Missouri 4-H
• Missouri 4-H Foundation

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21 Stellar Common App Essay Examples to Inspire Your College Essay

What’s covered:, what makes a good common app essay, is your common app essay strong enough.

When you begin writing your Common App essay, having an example to look at can help you understand how to effectively write your college essay so that it stands apart from others. 

These Common App essay examples demonstrate a strong writing ability and answer the prompt in a way that shows admissions officers something unique about the student. Once you’ve read some examples and are ready to get started, read our step-by-step guide for how to write a strong Common App essay.  

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Common App essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts.

It’s Personal

The point of the Common App essay is to humanize yourself to a college admissions committee. The ultimate goal is to get them to choose you over someone else! You will have a better chance of achieving this goal if the admissions committee feels personally connected to you or invested in your story. When writing your Common App essay, you should explore your feelings, worldview, values, desires, and anything else that makes you uniquely you.

It’s Not Cliché

It is pretty easy to resort to clichés in college essays. This should be actively avoided! CollegeVine has identified the immigrant’s journey, sports injuries, and overcoming a challenging course as cliché topics . If you write about one of these topics, you have to work harder to stand out, so working with a more nuanced topic is often safer and easier.

It’s Well-Done

Colleges want good writers. They want students who can articulate their thoughts clearly and concisely (and creatively!). You should be writing and rewriting your essays, perfecting them as you go. Of course, make sure that your grammar and spelling are impeccable, but also put in time crafting your tone and finding your voice. This will also make your essay more personal and will make your reader feel more connected to you!

It’s Cohesive

Compelling Common App essays tell a cohesive story. Cohesion is primarily achieved through effective introductions and conclusions , which often contribute to the establishment of a clear theme or topic. Make sure that it is clear what you are getting at, but also don’t explicitly state what you are getting at—a successful essay speaks for itself.

Common App Essay Examples

Here are the current Common App prompts. Click the links to jump to the examples for a specific prompt, or keep reading to review the examples for all the prompts.

Prompt #1 :  Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #2 :  The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #3 :  Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #4 : Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? (NOTE: We only have an example for the old prompt #4 about solving a problem, not this current one)

Prompt #5 :  Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #6 :  Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Prompt #7 :  Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the identity of the author and subjects.

Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Prompt #1, example #1.

The room was silent except for the thoughts racing through my head. I led a spade from my hand and my opponent paused for a second, then played a heart. The numbers ran through my mind as I tried to consider every combination, calculating my next move. Finally, I played the ace of spades from the dummy and the rest of my clubs, securing the contract and 620 points when my partner ruffed at trick five. Next board.

It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship. The winning team would be selected to represent the United States in the world championship and my team was still in the running.

Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game. Players from around the world gather at local clubs, regional events, and, in this case, national tournaments.

Going into the tournament, my team was excited; all the hours we had put into the game, from the lengthy midnight Skype sessions spent discussing boards to the coffee shop meetings spent memorizing conventions together, were about to pay off.

Halfway through, our spirits were still high, as we were only down by fourteen international match points which, out of the final total of about four hundred points, was virtually nothing and it was very feasible to catch up. Our excitement was short-lived, however, as sixty boards later, we found that we had lost the match and would not be chosen as the national team.

Initially, we were devastated. We had come so close and it seemed as if all the hours we had devoted to training had been utterly wasted. Yet as our team spent some time together reflecting upon the results, we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion. I chatted with the winning team and even befriended a few of them who offered us encouragement and advice.

Throughout my bridge career, although I’ve gained a respectable amount of masterpoints and awards, I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met. I don’t need to travel cross-country to learn; every time I sit down at a table whether it be during a simple club game, a regional tournament or a national event, I find I’m always learning. 

I nod at the pair that’s always yelling at each other. They teach me the importance of sportsmanship and forgiveness.

I greet the legally blind man who can defeat most of the seeing players. He reminds me not to make excuses.

I chat with the friendly, elderly couple who, at ages ninety and ninety-two, have just gotten married two weeks ago. They teach me that it’s never too late to start anything.

I talk to the boy who’s attending Harvard and the girl who forewent college to start her own company. They show me that there is more than one path to success.

I congratulate the little kid running to his dad, excited to have won his very first masterpoints. He reminds me of the thrill of every first time and to never stop trying new things.

Just as much as I have benefitted from these life lessons, I aspire to give back to my bridge community as much as it has given me. I aspire to teach people how to play this complicated yet equally as exciting game. I aspire to never stop improving myself, both at and away from the bridge table.

Bridge has given me my roots and dared me to dream. What started as merely a hobby has become a community, a passion, a part of my identity. I aspire to live selflessly and help others reach their goals. I seek to take risks, embrace all results, even failure, and live unfettered from my own doubt.

This student draws readers in with a strong introduction. The essay starts ambiguous—“I led with a spade”—then intrigues readers by gradually revealing more information and details. This makes the reader want to keep reading (which is super important!) As the writer continues, there is a rather abrupt tone shift from suspenseful to explanatory with statements like “It was the final of the 2015 United States Bridge Federation Under-26 Women’s Championship” and “Contract bridge is a strategic and stochastic card game.” If you plan to start with an imagery-heavy, emotional, suspenseful, or dramatic introduction, you will need to transition to the content of your essay in a way that does not feel abrupt. 

You will often hear that essays need to “show, not tell.” This essay actually does both. First, the student tells readers the importance of bridge, saying “we gradually realized that the true value that we had gained wasn’t only the prospect of winning the national title, but also the time we had spent together exploring our shared passion” and “I’ve realized that the real reward comes from the extraordinary people I have met.” Then, the student shows the lessons they have learned from bridge through a series of parallel sentences: “I nod… sportsmanship and forgiveness” “I greet… not to make excuses” “I chat… it’s never too late to start anything” and so on. This latter strategy is much more effective than the former and is watered down because the student has already told us what we are supposed to get out of these sentences. Remember that your readers are intelligent and can draw their own conclusions. Avoid summarizing the moral of your story for them!

Overall, this essay is interesting and answers the prompt. We learn the importance of bridge to this student. The student has a solid grasp of language, a high-level vocabulary, and a valuable message, though they would be better off if they avoided summarizing their point and created more seamless transitions. 

Prompt #1, Example #2

Growing up, I always wanted to eat, play, visit, watch, and be it all: sloppy joes and spaetzle, Beanie Babies and Steiff, Cape Cod and the Baltic Sea, football and fussball, American and German.

My American parents relocated our young family to Berlin when I was three years old. My exposure to America was limited to holidays spent stateside and awfully dubbed Disney Channel broadcasts. As the few memories I had of living in the US faded, my affinity for Germany grew. I began to identify as “Germerican,” an ideal marriage of the two cultures. As a child, I viewed my biculturalism as a blessing. I possessed a native fluency in “Denglisch” and my family’s Halloween parties were legendary at a time when the holiday was just starting to gain popularity outside of the American Sector.

Insidiously, the magic I once felt in loving two homes was replaced by a deep-­rooted sense of rootlessness. I stopped feeling American when, while discussing World War II with my grandmother, I said “the US won.” She corrected me, insisting I use “we” when referring to the US’s actions. Before then, I hadn’t realized how directly people associated themselves with their countries. I stopped feeling German during the World Cup when my friends labeled me a “bandwagon fan” for rooting for Germany. Until that moment, my cheers had felt sincere. I wasn’t part of the “we” who won World Wars or World Cups. Caught in a twilight of foreign and familiar, I felt emotionally and psychologically disconnected from the two cultures most familiar to me.

After moving from Berlin to New York at age fifteen, my feelings of cultural homelessness thrived in my new environment. Looking and sounding American furthered my feelings of dislocation. Border patrol agents, teachers, classmates, neighbors, and relatives all “welcomed me home” to a land they could not understand was foreign to me. Americans confused me as I relied on Urban Dictionary to understand my peers, the Pledge of Allegiance seemed nationalistic, and the only thing familiar about Fahrenheit was the German after whom it was named. Too German for America and too American for Germany, I felt alienated from both. I wanted desperately to be a member of one, if not both, cultures.

During my first weeks in Scarsdale, I spent my free time googling “Berlin Family Seeks Teen” and “New Americans in Scarsdale.” The latter search proved most fruitful: I discovered Horizons, a nonprofit that empowers resettled refugees, or “New Americans,” to thrive. I started volunteering with Horizon’s children’s programs, playing with and tutoring young refugees.

It was there that I met Emily, a twelve­-year-­old Iraqi girl who lived next to Horizons. In between games and snacks, Emily would ask me questions about American life, touching on everything from Halloween to President Obama. Gradually, my confidence in my American identity grew as I recognized my ability to answer most of her questions. American culture was no longer completely foreign to me. I found myself especially qualified to work with young refugees; my experience growing up in a country other than that of my parents’ was similar enough to that of the refugee children Horizons served that I could empathize with them and offer advice. Together, we worked through conflicting allegiances, homesickness, and stretched belonging.

Forging a special, personal bond with young refugees proved a cathartic outlet for my insecurities as it taught me to value my past. My transculturalism allowed me to help young refugees integrate into American life, and, in doing so, I was able to adjust myself. Now, I have an appreciation of myself that I never felt before. “Home” isn’t the digits in a passport or ZIP code but a sense of contentedness. By helping a young refugee find comfort, happiness, and home in America, I was finally able to find those same things for myself.

Due to their endearing (and creative) use of language—with early phrases like “sloppy joes and spaetzle” as well as  “Germerican” and “Denglisch”—readers are inclined to like this writer from the get-go. Though the essay shifts from this lighthearted introduction to more serious subject matter around the third paragraph, the shift is not abrupt or jarring. This is because the student invites readers to feel the transition with them through their inclusion of various anecdotes that inspired their “feelings of cultural homelessness.” And our journey does not end there—we go back to America with the student and see how their former struggles become strengths.

Ultimately, this essay is successful due to its satisfying ending. Because readers experience the student’s struggles with them, we also feel the resolution. The conclusion of this essay is a prime example of the “Same, but Different” technique described in our article on How to End Your College Essay . As the student describes how, in the end, their complicated cultural identity still exists but transitions to a source of strength, readers are left feeling happy for the student. This means that they have formed a connection with the student, which is the ultimate goal!

Prompt #1, Example #3

“1…2…3…4 pirouettes ! New record!” My friends cheered as I landed my turns. Pleased with my progress, I gazed down at my worn-out pointe shoes. The sweltering blisters, numbing ice-baths, and draining late-night practices did not seem so bad after all. Next goal: five turns.

For as long as I can remember, ballet, in all its finesse and glamor, had kept me driven day to day. As a child, the lithe ballerinas, donning ethereal costumes as they floated across the stage, were my motivation. While others admired Messi and Adele, I idolized Carlos Acosta, principal dancer of the Royal Ballet. 

As I devoted more time and energy towards my craft, I became obsessed with improving my technique. I would stretch for hours after class, forcing my leg one inch higher in an effort to mirror the Dance Magazine cover girls . I injured my feet and ruined pair after pair of pointe shoes, turning on wood, cement, and even grass to improve my balance as I spun. At competitions, the dancers with the 180-degree leg extensions, endless turns, and soaring leaps—the ones who received “Bravos!” from the roaring audience—further pushed me to refine my skills and perfect my form. I believed that, with enough determination, I would one day attain their level of perfection. Reaching the quadruple- pirouette milestone only intensified my desire to accomplish even more. 

My efforts seemed to have come to fruition two summers ago when I was accepted to dance with Moscow’s Bolshoi Ballet at their renowned New York City summer intensive. I walked into my first session eager to learn from distinguished ballet masters and worldly dancers, already anticipating my improvement. Yet, as I danced alongside the accomplished ballerinas, I felt out of place. Despite their clean technique and professional training, they did not aim for glorious leg extensions or prodigious leaps. When they performed their turn combinations, most of them only executed two turns as I attempted four. 

“Dancers, double- pirouettes only.” 

Taken aback and confused, I wondered why our teacher expected so little from us. The other ballerinas seemed content, gracing the studio with their simple movements. 

As I grew closer with my Moscow roommates, I gradually learned that their training emphasized the history of the art form instead of stylistic tricks. Rather than show off their physical ability, their performances aimed to convey a story, one that embodied the rich culture of ballet and captured both the legacy of the dancers before them and their own artistry. As I observed my friends more intently in repertoire class, I felt the pain of the grief-stricken white swan from Swan Lake , the sass of the flirtatious Kitri from Don Quijote, and I gradually saw what I had overlooked before. My definition of talent had been molded by crowd-pleasing elements—whirring pirouettes , gravity-defying leaps, and mind-blowing leg extensions. This mindset slowly stripped me from the roots of my passion and my personal connection with ballet. 

With the Bolshoi, I learned to step back and explore the meaning behind each step and the people behind the scenes. Ballet carries history in its movements, from the societal values of the era to each choreographer’s unique flair. As I uncovered the messages behind each pirouette, kick, and jump, my appreciation for ballet grew beyond my obsession with raw athleticism and developed into a love for the art form’s emotive abilities in bridging the dancers with the audience. My journey as an artist has allowed me to see how technical execution is only the means to a greater understanding between dancer and spectator, between storyteller and listener. The elegance and complexity of ballet does not revolve around astonishing stunts but rather the evocative strength and artistry manifested in the dancer, in me. It is the combination of sentiments, history, tradition, and passion that has allowed ballet and its lessons of human connection to become my lifestyle both on and off stage.

The primary strength of this essay is the honesty and authenticity of the student’s writing. It is purposefully reflective. Intentional language creates a clear character arc that begins with an eager young ballerina and ends with the student reflecting on their past. 

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the concl usion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

The main weakness of this essay (though this is a stellar essay) is its formulaic beginning. While dialogue can be an effective tool for starting your essay, this student’s introduction feels a bit stilted as the dialogue does not match the overall reflective tone of the essay. Perhaps, in place of “Next goal: five turns,” the student could have posed a question or foreshadowed the growth they ultimately describe.

Prompt #1, Example #4

My paintbrush dragged a flurry of acrylic, the rich colors attaching to each groove in my canvas’s texture. The feeling was euphoric.

From a young age, painting has been my solace. Between the stress of my packed high school days filled with classes and extracurriculars, the glide of my paintbrush was my emotional outlet.

I opened a fresh canvas and began. The amalgamation of assorted colors in my palette melded harmoniously: dark and light, cool and warm, brilliant and dull. They conjoined, forming shades and surfaces sharp, smooth, and ridged. The textures of my paint strokes — powdery, glossy, jagged — gave my painting a tone, as if it had a voice of its own, sometimes shrieking, sometimes whispering.

Rough indigo blue. The repetitive upward pulls of my brush formed layers on my canvas. Staring into the deep blue, I felt transported to the bottom of the pool I swim in daily. I looked upward to see a layer of dense water between myself and the person I aspire to be, an ideal blurred by filmy ripples. Rough blue encapsulates my amorphous, conflicting identity, catalyzed by words spewed by my peers about my “oily hair” and “smelly food”. They caused my ever present disdain toward cultural assemblies; the lehenga I wore felt burdensome. My identity quivers like the indigo storm I painted — a duel between my self-deprecating, validation-seeking self, and the proud self I desire to be. My haphazard paint strokes released my internal turbulence.

Smooth orange-hued green. I laid the color in melodious strokes, forming my figure. The warmer green transitions from the rough blue — while they share elements, they also diverge. My firm brushstrokes felt like the way I felt on my first day as a media intern at KBOO, my local volunteer-driven radio station, committed to the voices of the marginalized. As a naturally introverted speaker, I was forced out of my comfort zone when tasked with documenting a KBOO art exhibition for social media, speaking with hosts to share their diverse, underrepresented backgrounds and inspirations. A rhythmic green strength soon shoved me past internal blue turbulence. My communication skills which were built by two years of Speech and Debate unleashed — I recognized that making a social change through media required amplifying unique voices and perspectives, both my own and others. The powerful green strokes that fill my canvas entrench my growth.

Bright, voluminous coral, hinted with magenta and yellow. I dabbed the color over my figure, giving my painting dimension. The paint, speckled, added depth on every inch it coated. As I moved the color in random but purposeful movements, the vitality ushered into my painting brought a smile across my face. It reminded me of the encounters I had with my cubicle-mate in my sophomore year academic autism research internship, seemingly insignificant moments in my lifelong journey that, in retrospect, wove unique threads into my tapestry. The kindness she brought into work inspired my compassion, while her stories of struggling with ADHD in the workplace bolstered my empathy towards different experiences. Our conversations added blobs of a nonuniform bright color in my painting, binding a new perspective in me.

I added in my final strokes, each contributing an element to my piece. As I scanned my canvas, I observed these elements. Detail added nuance into smaller pictures; they embodied complexities within color, texture, and hue, each individually delivering a narrative. But together, they formed a piece of art— art that could be interpreted as a whole or broken apart but still delivering as a means of communication.

I find beauty in media because of this. I can adapt a complex narrative to be deliverable, each component telling a story. Appreciating these nuances — the light, dark, smooth, and rough — has cultivated my growth mindset. My life-long painting never finishes. It is ever-expanding, absorbing the novel textures and colors I encounter daily.

This essay is distinct from others due to its melodic, lyrical form. This is primarily achieved because the student’s form follows the movements of the paintbrush that they use to scaffold their essay. As readers, we simply flow through the essay, occasionally picking up bits of information about its creator. Without even realizing it, by the end of the essay, admissions officers will know that this student is a swimmer, was in Speech and Debate, is Indian, and has had multiple internships.

A major strength of this essay is the command of language that the student demonstrates. This essay was not simply written, it was crafted. Universities are, of course, interested in the talents, goals, and interests of applicants, but an essay being well-written can be equally important. Writing skills are important because your reader will not learn about your talents, goals, and interests if they aren’t engaged in your essay, but they are also important because admissions officers know that being able to articulate your thoughts is important for success in all future careers.

While this essay is well-written, there are a few moments where it falls out of the flow and feels more like a student advertising their successes. For example, the phrases “media intern at KBOO” and “autism research internship” work better on a resume than they do in this essay. Admissions officers have a copy of your resume and can check your internship experiences after reading your essay! If you are going to use a unique writing style or narrative form, lean into it; don’t try to hybridize it with the standard college essay form. Your boldness will be attractive to admissions officers.

Readers are easily able to picture the passion and intensity of the young dancer through the writer’s engagement with words like “obsessed,” “forcing,” and “ruined” in the second paragraph. Then, we see how intensity becomes pride as they “wondered why our teacher expected so little from us.” And ultimately, we see the writer humbled as they are exposed to the deeper meaning behind what they have worked so hard for. This arc is outstanding, and the student’s musings about ballet in the conclusion position them as vulnerable and reflective (and thus, appealing to admissions officers!)

Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Prompt #2, example #1.

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here is a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful Common App essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

The only part of this essay that could use a bit of work is the introduction. A short introduction can be effective, but this short first paragraph feels thrown in at the last minute and like it is missing its second half. If you are keeping your introduction short, make it matter.

Prompt #2, Example #2

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This Common App essay is well-written. The student is showing the admissions officers their ability to articulate their points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the “rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free.” And because the prose is flowery, the writer can get away with metaphors like “I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms” that might sound cheesy without the clear command of the English language that the writer quickly establishes.

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

While dialogue often comes off as cliche or trite, this student effectively incorporates their family members saying “Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” This is achieved through the apt use of the verb “taunted” to characterize the questioning and through the question’s thematic connection to the earlier image of the student as a rustic princess. Similarly, rhetorical questions can feel randomly placed in essays, but this student’s inclusion of the questions “Was I so dainty?” and “Was I that incapable?” feels perfectly justified after they establish that they were pondering their failure.

Quite simply, this essay shows how quality writing can make a simple story outstandingly compelling.

Prompt #2, Example #3

The muffled voices behind thin walls heralded trouble.

They were fighting about money.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened and it wasn’t going to be the last. It was one of those countless nights I had to spend curled up under the blanket while pretending to be asleep. My father had been unemployed for five years now, and my mother, a local kindergarten teacher, was struggling to support the family alone. Our situation was bleak: Savings had run out and my parents could no longer hide our lack of money from me. To make matters worse, I was a few weeks away from starting high school, which would inevitably lead to college, yet another financial stressor for my family.

The argument didn’t sound like it would end soon.

“Why did you spend money on that?” my mother said, with an elongated sigh.

“I had to,” my father said, decidedly.

Every fight over the years had left me in despair and the idea of going through another fight daunted me. I had looked forward to my teen years all my life, an age that allows, for the first time, more responsibility. Indeed, after this fateful night, after my fourteenth birthday, I felt a mounting responsibility to help my family, and started brainstorming.

Always being fascinated by computers, I spent my childhood burying myself under computer cabinets, experimenting with computer parts. Naturally, I wondered if my skills in this area might be marketable.

The next morning, my friend, Naba, mentioned that her computer wasn’t working. A tuk-tuk ride later, and I was at her doorstep, and her mother was leading me to her room. I was off to work: I began examining her computer, like a surgeon carefully manages his scalpels and tools. A proper diagnosis was not far from reach, as I realized a broken pin in her computer’s SATA slot. After an hour of work, and a short trip to the hardware store, I successfully fixed the computer. To my pleasant surprise, Naba’s mother drew out two fresh 500 Rupee notes. One covered the cost of the parts I bought and the other was a token of appreciation. Bidding her goodbye, I went straight back home and put one of the 500 Rupee notes inside my family’s “savings-jar.”

Later that day, I devised a plan. I told my friends to spread the word that I was available to fix computers. At first, I got only one or two calls per week. I would pick up the computer from my client’s home, fix it quickly, and return it, thus earning myself a commission. While I couldn’t market my services at a competitive price, because I wasn’t able to buy the parts wholesale, I compensated by providing convenience. All my clients had to do was call me once and the rest was taken care of. Thus, my business had the best customer service in town.

At the beginning of my junior year, after two years of expanding my business through various avenues, I started buying computer parts from hardware suppliers in bulk at a cheaper rate. My business grew exponentially after that. 

Before long, I was my town’s go-to tech person. In this journey throughout high school, I started realizing that I had to create my own opportunities and not just curl up under a blanket, seeking only comfort, as I used to. Interacting with people from all walks of life became my forte and a sense of work ethic developed in me. My business required me to be an all-rounder– have the technical skills, be an easily approachable person, and manage cash flow. Slowly becoming better at this, I even managed to sway admins of a local institution to outsource their computer hardware purchases and repairs through me. As my business upsized throughout the years, I went from being helpless to autonomous – the teenager I always aspired to be.

This essay truly feels like a story—almost making you forget you are reading a college essay. The student’s voice is strong throughout the entire essay and they are able to give us insight into their thoughts, feelings, and motivations at every step of the story. Letting the reader into personal challenges like financial struggles can be daunting in a college essay, but the way this student used that setback to establish an emotional ethos to their narrative was well done.

Because the essay is essentially just telling a story, there’s a very natural flow that makes it enjoyable and easy to read. The student establishes the conflict at the beginning, then describes their solution and how they implemented it, and finally concludes with the lessons they took away from this experience. Transitions at the beginning of paragraphs effortlessly show the passage of time and how the student has progressed through the story.

Another reason this essay is so successful is because of the abundance of details. The reader truly feels like they are hiding in the room with the student as their parents yell because of the inclusion of quotes from the argument. We understand the precision and care they have for fixing computers because of the allusion to a surgeon with their scalpel. Not only does this imagery make the story more enticing, it also helps the reader gain a deeper appreciation for the type of person this student is and the adversity they have overcome.

If there were one thing this essay could do to improve, it would be to include a resolution to the conflict from the beginning. The student tells us how this business helped them grow as a person, but we don’t ever get to find out if they were able to lessen the financial burden on their parents or if they continued to struggle despite the student working hard. It doesn’t have to be a happy ending, but it would be nice to return to the conflict and acknowledge the effect they had on it, especially since this prompt is all about facing challenges.

Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Prompt #3, example #1.

When I was younger, I was adamant that no two foods on my plate touch. As a result, I often used a second plate to prevent such an atrocity. In many ways, I learned to separate different things this way from my older brothers, Nate and Rob. Growing up, I idolized both of them. Nate was a performer, and I insisted on arriving early to his shows to secure front row seats, refusing to budge during intermission for fear of missing anything. Rob was a three-sport athlete, and I attended his games religiously, waving worn-out foam cougar paws and cheering until my voice was hoarse. My brothers were my role models. However, while each was talented, neither was interested in the other’s passion. To me, they represented two contrasting ideals of what I could become: artist or athlete. I believed I had to choose.

And for a long time, I chose athlete. I played soccer, basketball, and lacrosse and viewed myself exclusively as an athlete, believing the arts were not for me. I conveniently overlooked that since the age of five, I had been composing stories for my family for Christmas, gifts that were as much for me as them, as I loved writing. So when in tenth grade, I had the option of taking a creative writing class, I was faced with a question: could I be an athlete and a writer? After much debate, I enrolled in the class, feeling both apprehensive and excited. When I arrived on the first day of school, my teacher, Ms. Jenkins, asked us to write down our expectations for the class. After a few minutes, eraser shavings stubbornly sunbathing on my now-smudged paper, I finally wrote, “I do not expect to become a published writer from this class. I just want this to be a place where I can write freely.”

Although the purpose of the class never changed for me, on the third “submission day,” – our time to submit writing to upcoming contests and literary magazines – I faced a predicament. For the first two submission days, I had passed the time editing earlier pieces, eventually (pretty quickly) resorting to screen snake when hopelessness made the words look like hieroglyphics. I must not have been as subtle as I thought, as on the third of these days, Ms. Jenkins approached me. After shifting from excuse to excuse as to why I did not submit my writing, I finally recognized the real reason I had withheld my work: I was scared. I did not want to be different, and I did not want to challenge not only others’ perceptions of me, but also my own. I yielded to Ms. Jenkin’s pleas and sent one of my pieces to an upcoming contest.

By the time the letter came, I had already forgotten about the contest. When the flimsy white envelope arrived in the mail, I was shocked and ecstatic to learn that I had received 2nd place in a nationwide writing competition. The next morning, however, I discovered Ms. Jenkins would make an announcement to the whole school exposing me as a poet. I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me. I have since seen more boys at my school identifying themselves as writers or artists.

I no longer see myself as an athlete and a poet independently, but rather I see these two aspects forming a single inseparable identity – me. Despite their apparent differences, these two disciplines are quite similar, as each requires creativity and devotion. I am still a poet when I am lacing up my cleats for soccer practice and still an athlete when I am building metaphors in the back of my mind – and I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.

This essay is cohesive as it centers around the theme of identity and the ability for two identities to coexist simultaneously (an interesting theme!). It uses the Full Circle ending strategy as it starts with a metaphor about food touching and ends with “I have realized ice cream and gummy bears taste pretty good together.”

The main issue with this essay is that it could come off as cliché, which could be irritating for admissions officers. The story described is notably similar to High School Musical (“I decided to own this identity and embrace my friends’ jokes and playful digs, and over time, they have learned to accept and respect this part of me”) and feels slightly overstated. 

At times, this essay is also confusing. In the first paragraph, it feels like the narrative is actually going to be about separating your food (and is somehow going to relate to the older brothers?). It is not entirely clear that this is a metaphor. Also, when the writer references the third submission day and then works backward to explain what a submission day is and that there are multiple throughout the semester, the timeline gets unnecessarily confusing. Reworking the way this paragraph unfolded would have been more compelling and less distracting.

Overall, this essay was interesting but could have been more polished to be more effective.

Prompt #3, Example #2

I walked into my middle school English class, and noticed a stranger behind my teacher’s desk. “Hello,” she said. “Today I will be your substitute teacher.” I groaned internally. “Let me start off by calling roll. Ally?” “Here!” exclaimed Ally. “Jack?” “Here.” “Rachel?” “Here.” “Freddie?” “Present.” And then– “…?” The awkward pause was my cue. “It’s Jasina,” I started. “You can just call me Jas. Here.” “Oh, Jasina. That’s unique.” The word “unique” made me cringe. I slumped back in my seat. The substitute continued calling roll, and class continued as if nothing had happened. Nothing had happened. Just a typical moment in a middle school, but I hated every second of it.

My name is not impossible to pronounce. It appears challenging initially, but once you hear it, “Jas-een-a”, then you can manage it. My nickname, Jas (pronounced “Jazz”), is what most people call me anyway, so I don’t have to deal with mispronunciation often. I am thankful that my parents named me Jasina (a Hebrew name), but whenever someone hears my name for the first time, they comment, and I assume they’re making assumptions about me. “Wow, Jas is a cool name.” She must be pretty cool.“I’ve never heard the name Jasina before.” She must be from somewhere exotic. “Jas, like Jazz?” She must be musical and artsy. None of these assumptions are bad, but they all add up to the same thing: She must be unique. 

When I was little, these sentiments felt more like commands than assumptions. I thought I had to be the most unique child of all time, which was a daunting task, but I tried. I was the only kid in the second grade to color the sun red. I knew it was really yellow, but you could always tell which drawings were mine. During snack time, we could choose between apple juice and grape juice. I liked apple juice more, but if everyone else was choosing apple, then I had to choose grape. This was how I lived my life, and it was exhausting. I tried to continue this habit into middle school, but it backfired. When everyone became obsessed with things like skinny jeans and Justin Bieber and blue mascara (that was a weird trend), my resistance of the norm made me socially awkward. I couldn’t talk to people about anything because we had nothing in common. I was too different. 

After 8th grade, I moved to Georgia, and I was dreading being the odd one out among kids who had grown up together. Then I discovered that my freshman year would be Cambridge High School’s inaugural year. Since there were students coming in from 5 different schools, there was no real sense of “normal”. I panicked. If there was no normal, then how could I be unique? That’s when I realized that I had spent so much energy going against the grain that I had no idea what my true interests were or what I really cared about. 

It was time to find out. I stopped concentrating on what everyone else was doing and started to focus on myself. I joined the basketball team, I performed in the school musical, and I enrolled in Chorus, all of which were firsts for me. I took art classes, joined clubs, and did whatever I thought would make me happy. And it paid off. I was no longer socially awkward. In fact, because I was involved in so many unrelated activities, I was socially flexible. My friends and I had things in common, but there was no one who could say that I was exactly like anyone else. I had finally become my own person.

My father named me Jasina because he wanted my nickname to be “Jazz.” According to Webster, “jazz” is “music characterized by syncopated rhythms, improvisation, and deliberate distortions of pitch.” Basically, jazz is music that is off-beat and unpredictable. It cannot be strictly defined. 

That sounds about right. 

Right off the bat, this essay starts extremely strong. The description of attendance in a class with ample quotes, awkward pauses, and the student’s internal dialogue immediately puts us in the middle of the action and establishes a lot of sympathy for this student before we’ve learned anything else. 

The strength of this essay continues into the second paragraph where the use of quotes, italics, and interjections from the student continues. All of these literary tools help the student express her voice and allow the reader to understand what this student goes through on a daily basis. Rather than just telling the reader people make assumptions about her name, she shows us what these assumptions look and sound like, and exactly how they make her feel.

The essay further shows us how the student approached her name by providing concrete examples of times she’s been intentionally unique throughout her life. Describing her drawing red suns and choosing grape juice bring her personality to life and allow her to express her deviance from the “norm” in a much more engaging and visual way than simply telling the reader she would go against the grain to be different on purpose.

One part of the essay that was a bit weaker than the others was the paragraph about her in high school. Although it was still well written and did a nice job of demonstrating how she got involved in multiple groups to find her new identity, it lacked the same level of showing employed in previous paragraphs. It would have been nice to see what “socially flexible” means either through a conversation she had with her friends or an example of a time she combined her interests from different groups in a way that was uniquely her.

The essay finishes off how it started: extremely strong. Taking a step back to fully explain the origin of her name neatly brings together everything mentioned in this essay. This ending is especially successful because she never explicitly states that her personality aligns with the definition of jazz. Instead, she relies on the points she has made throughout the essay to stick in the reader’s memory so they are able to draw the connection themselves, making for a much more satisfying ending for the reader.

Prompt #4 (OLD PROMPT; NOT THE CURRENT PROMPT): Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.

Prompt #4, example #1.

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” 

Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation. 

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one. 

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand. 

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one. 

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself. 

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith. 

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities. 

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension. 

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities. 

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay is great because it has a strong introduction and a strong conclusion. The introduction is notably suspenseful and draws readers into the story. Because we know it is a college essay, we can assume that the student is one of the competitors, but at the same time, this introduction feels intentionally ambiguous as if the writer could be a competitor, a coach, a sibling of a competitor, or anyone else in the situation.

As we continue reading the essay, we learn that the writer is, in fact, the competitor. Readers also learn a lot about the student’s values as we hear their thoughts: “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was.” Ultimately, the conflict and inner and outer turmoil is resolved through the “Same, but Different” ending technique as the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiencing it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is a very compelling strategy!

The main weakness of this essay is that it is slightly confusing at times—how the other students found coaches feels unintentionally under-explained (a simple phrase like “through pleading and attracting sympathy” in the fourth paragraph could have served the writer well) and a dojang is never defined. Additionally, the turn of the essay or “volta” could’ve packed a bigger punch. It is put quite simply with “I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.” A more suspenseful reveal could’ve served the author well because more drama did come later.

Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Prompt #5, example #1.

Tears streamed down my face and my mind was paralyzed with fear. Sirens blared, but the silent panic in my own head was deafening. I was muted by shock. A few hours earlier, I had anticipated a vacation in Washington, D.C., but unexpectedly, I was rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance carrying my mother. As a fourteen-year-old from a single mother household, without a driver’s license, and seven hours from home, I was distraught over the prospect of losing the only parent I had. My fear turned into action as I made some of the bravest decisions of my life. 

Three blood transfusions later, my mother’s condition was stable, but we were still states away from home, so I coordinated with my mother’s doctors in North Carolina to schedule the emergency operation that would save her life. Throughout her surgery, I anxiously awaited any word from her surgeon, but each time I asked, I was told that there had been another complication or delay. Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities.

My mother had been a source of strength for me, and now I would be strong for her through her long recovery ahead. As I started high school, everyone thought the crisis was over, but it had really just started to impact my life. My mother was often fatigued, so I assumed more responsibility, juggling family duties, school, athletics, and work. I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover. I didn’t know I was capable of such maturity and resourcefulness until it was called upon. Each day was a stage in my gradual transformation from dependence to relative independence.

Throughout my mother’s health crisis, I matured by learning to put others’ needs before my own. As I worried about my mother’s health, I took nothing for granted, cherished what I had, and used my daily activities as motivation to move forward. I now take ownership over small decisions such as scheduling daily appointments and managing my time but also over major decisions involving my future, including the college admissions process. Although I have become more independent, my mother and I are inseparably close, and the realization that I almost lost her affects me daily. Each morning, I wake up ten minutes early simply to eat breakfast with my mother and spend time with her before our busy days begin. I am aware of how quickly life can change. My mother remains a guiding force in my life, but the feeling of empowerment I discovered within myself is the ultimate form of my independence. Though I thought the summer before my freshman year would be a transition from middle school to high school, it was a transformation from childhood to adulthood.

This essay feels real and tells readers a lot about the writer. To start at the beginning, the intro is 10/10. It has drama, it has emotions, and it has the reader wanting more.

And, when you keep going, you get to learn a lot about a very resilient and mature student. Through sentences like “I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover” and “Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities,” the reader shows us that they are aware of their resilience and maturity, but are not arrogant about it. It is simply a fact that they have proven!

Sometimes writing about adversity can feel exploitative or oddly braggy. This student backs up everything they say with anecdotes that prove and show their strength and resilience, rather than just claiming their strengths. When I read this essay, I want to cheer for its writer! And I want to be able to continue cheering for them (perhaps, if I were an admissions officer, that would make me want them at my school!).

Prompt #5, Example #2

Armed with a red pen, I slowly walked across the room to a small, isolated table with pink stools. Swinging her legs, my young student beamed and giggled at me, slamming her pencil bag on the table and bending over to pick up one of her toys. Natalie always brought some new toy with her to lessons—toys which I would sternly take away from her and place under the table until she finished her work. At the tutoring center where I work, a strict emphasis on discipline leaves no room for paper crowns or rubber chickens. 

Today, she had with her a large stuffed eagle from a museum. As she pulled out her papers, I slid the eagle to the other side of the table. She looked eagerly around, attempting to chat with other students as I impatiently called her attention to her papers. “I should name my eagle,” she chimed, waving her pencil in the air. I cringed—there was no wondering why Natalie always had to sit by herself. She was the antithesis of my academic values, and undoubtedly the greatest adversary of my teaching style.  

As the lesson progressed, Natalie became more fitful; she refused to release her feathered friend, and kept addressing the bird for help with difficult problems. We both grew increasingly more frustrated. Determined to tame this wryly, wiggling student, I stood my ground, set on converting this disobedient child to my calm, measured ways of study.  

As time slowly crept by, I noticed that despite Natalie’s cheerful tone and bright smile, the stuffed eagle was troublesomely quiet and stern-faced. Much like myself. Both the eagle and I were getting nowhere in this lesson—so we hatched a quick plan. Lifting the eagle up in the air, I started reading in my best impersonation of an eagle, squawking my way through a spelling packet. The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed. She sang out every letter, clapped her hands at every page, and followed along with the eagle, stopping at every few letters to declare that “E is for eagle” and pet her teacher fondly on the beak.  

Despite my ostensibly dissatisfied attitude toward my students, I did not join the tutoring center simply to earn money. I had always aspired to help others achieve their fullest potential. As a young adult, I felt that it was time for me to step out of the role of a pupil and into the influential role of a teacher, naively believing that I had the maturity and skill to adapt to any situation and help these students reach their highest achievements academically. For the most part, the role of a stern-faced, strict instructor helped me get by in the workplace, and while my students never truly looked happy, I felt that it was part of the process of conditioning a child to learn. 

Ironically, my transition to adulthood was the result of a stuffed animal. It was indisputable that I always had the skill to instruct others; the only thing needed to instruct someone is knowledge of the subject. However, it was only upon being introduced to a stuffed bird in which I realized that students receive the most help not from instructors, but teachers. While almost anyone can learn material and spit it back out for someone, it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens. From my young pupil and her little bird, I have undergone a change in attitude which reflects a growth in maturity and ability to improve the lives of others that I hope to implement in my future role as a student, activist, and physician. My newfound maturity taught me that the letter “e” stands for many things: empathy, experience, enthusiasm, and eagle.

In this essay, the student effectively explores their values (and how they learned them!) then identifies these values through a reflective conclusion. While the writer humbly recognizes the initial faults in their teaching style, they do not position their initial discipline or rigidity as mean or poorly intentioned—simply ineffective. This is important because, when you are discussing a transition like this, you don’t want admissions officers to think of you as having been a bad person. 

My favorite part about this essay is its subtlety. The major shift in the essay comes through the simple sentence “The result provided a sense of instant gratification I never knew I needed.” The facts of this narrative are not too complicated. Simply put, the writer was strict then learned that it’s sometimes more effective not to be strict. The complexity of this narrative comes through reflection. Notably, through the ending, the student identifies their values (which they hadn’t given a name to before): “it takes the maturity and passion of a teacher not only to help students improve in their students, but also to motivate them and develop them into better citizens.” 

The final sentence of this essay ties things up very nicely. Readers are left satisfied with the essay and convinced that its writer is a kind human with a large capacity for reflection and consideration. That is a great image to paint of yourself!

Prompt #5, Example #3

When it’s quiet, I can still hear the Friday night gossip and giggles of my friends. It’s a stark contrast from the environment I’ve known all my life, my home. My family has always been one to keep to themselves; introverts with a hard-working mentality—my father especially. He spent most of his time at work and growing up without him around, I came to be at peace with the fact that I’d probably never really get to know him. The thought didn’t bother me at the time because I felt that we were very different. He was stoic and traditional; I was trying to figure out who I was and explore my interests. His disapproval of the American music I listened to and my penchant for wearing hand-me-downs made me see him as someone who wanted to restrain my individuality. That explains why I relied heavily on my friends throughout middle and high school; they liked me for who I was. I figured I would get lonely without my friends during quarantine, but these last few months stuck at home gave me the time to make a new friend: my father. 

It was June. I had the habit of sleeping with my windows open so I wouldn’t need to set an alarm; the warmth of the sun and the sounds of the neighborhood children playing outside would wake me. One morning, however, it was not the chirping of birds or the laughter of children I awoke to, but the shrill of a saw. Through the window screen, on the grass below, my father stood cutting planks of wood. I was confused but didn’t question him—what he did with his time was none of my business. It was not until the next day, when I was attempting to work on a sculpture for an art class, that the sounds of hammering and drills became too much to ignore. Seeking answers, I trudged across my backyard towards the corner he was in. On that day, all there was to see was the foundation of what he was building; a shed. My intrigue was replaced with awe; I was impressed by the precision of his craft. Sharp corners, leveled and sturdy, I could imagine what it would look like when the walls were up and the inside filled with the tools he had spread around the yard. 

Throughout the week, when I was trying to finish my sculpture for art class—thinking about its shape and composition—I could not help but think of my father. Art has always been a creative outlet for me, an opportunity to express myself at home. For my dad, his craftsmanship was his art. I realized we were not as different as I had thought; he was an artist like me. My glue and paper were his wood and nails.

That summer, I tried to spend more time with my dad than I have in all my 18 years of life. Waking up earlier than usual so we could have our morning coffees together and pretending to like his favorite band so he’d talk to me about it, I took advantage of every opportunity I had to speak with him. In getting to know him, I’ve recognized that I get my artistry from him. 

Reflecting on past relationships, I feel I am now more open to reconnecting with people I’ve perhaps misjudged. In reconciling, I’ve realized I held some bitterness towards him all these years, and in letting that go, my heart is lighter. Our reunion has changed my perspective; instead of vilifying him for spending so much time at work, I can appreciate how hard he works to provide for our family. When I hear him tinkering away at another home project, I can smile and look forward to asking him about it later.

This is an outstanding example of the great things that can be articulated through a reflective essay. As we read the essay, we are simply thinking alongside its author—thinking about their past relationship with their father, about their time in quarantine, about aspects of themselves they think could use attention and growth. 

While we reflect, we are also centered by the student’s anecdote about the sculpture and the shed during quarantine. By centering us in real-time, the student keeps us engaged in the reflection.

The main strength here is the maturity we see on the part of its writer. The student doesn’t say “and I realized my father was the best dad in the world;” they say “and I realized my father didn’t have to be the best dad in the world for me to give him a chance.” Lots of students show themselves as motivated, curious, or compassionate in their college essays, but a reflective essay that ends with a discussion of resentment and forgiveness shows true maturity.

Prompt #5, Example #4

As a wide-eyed, naive seven-year-old, I watched my grandmother’s rough, wrinkled hands pull and knead mercilessly at white dough until the countertop was dusted in flour. She steamed small buns in bamboo baskets, and a light sweetness lingered in the air. Although the mantou looked delicious, their papery, flat taste was always an unpleasant surprise. My grandmother scolded me for failing to finish even one, and when I complained about the lack of flavor she would simply say that I would find it as I grew older. How did my adult relatives seem to enjoy this Taiwanese culinary delight while I found it so plain?

During my journey to discover the essence of mantou, I began to see myself the same way I saw the steamed bun. I believed that my writing would never evolve beyond a hobby and that my quiet nature crippled my ambitions. Ultimately, I thought I had little to offer the world. In middle school, it was easy for me to hide behind the large personalities of my friends, blending into the background and keeping my thoughts company. Although writing had become my emotional outlet, no matter how well I wrote essays, poetry, or fiction, I could not stand out in a sea of talented students. When I finally gained the confidence to submit my poetry to literary journals but was promptly rejected, I stepped back from my work to begin reading from Whitman to Dickinson, Li-Young Lee to Ocean Vuong. It was then that I realized I had been holding back a crucial ingredient–my distinct voice. 

Over time, my taste buds began to mature, as did I. Mantou can be flavored with pork and eggplant, sweetened in condensed milk, and moistened or dried by the steam’s temperature. After I ate the mantou with each of these factors in mind, I noticed its environment enhanced a delicately woven strand of sweetness beneath the taste of side dishes: the sugar I had often watched my grandmother sift into the flour. The taste was nearly untraceable, but once I grasped it I could truly begin to cherish mantou. In the same way the taste had been lost to me for years, my writer’s voice had struggled to shine through because of my self-doubt and fear of vulnerability.

As I acquired a taste for mantou, I also began to strengthen my voice through my surrounding environment. With the support of my parents, peer poets, and the guidance of Amy Tan and the Brontё sisters, I worked tirelessly to uncover my voice: a subtle strand of sweetness. Once I stopped trying to fit into a publishing material mold and infused my uninhibited passion for my Taiwanese heritage into my writing, my poem was published in a literary journal. I wrote about the blatant racism Asians endured during coronavirus, and the editor of Skipping Stones Magazine was touched by both my poem and my heartfelt letter. I opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum, providing support to younger Asian-American students who reached out with the relief of finding someone they could relate to. I embraced writing as a way to convey my struggle with cultural identity. I joined the school’s creative writing club and read my pieces in front of an audience, honing my voice into one that flourishes out loud as well.

Now, I write and speak unapologetically, falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had. It inspires passion within my communities and imparts tenacity to Asian-American youth, rooting itself deeply into everything I write. Today, my grandmother would say that I have finally unearthed the taste of mantou as I savor every bite with a newfound appreciation. I can imagine her hands shaping the dough that has become my voice, and I am eager to share it with the world.

This essay is structurally-sound, with the student’s journey learning to savor mantou and their journey trying to find their voice serving as outstanding parallels. Additionally, as they describe the journey to find a voice in their writing, they definitely show off their voice! The clear introduction provides a great image and draws us in with an intriguing question. Additionally, their little inserts like “a strand of sweetness” and “falling in love with a voice that I never knew I had” work very well.

When the student describes their first published poem, however, their writing gets a little more stilted. This is a common error students make when writing about their achievements. If this student is writing about the craft that goes into writing, we should hear the details of the craft that went into the poem, instead of simply learning that they “opened up about being ridiculed for bringing Asian food to school at Youth Leadership Forum.” This is interesting information but would be stronger if it were supplemented by descriptions of the voice they created, comparisons to the styles of other poets, and analysis of their stylistic choices. This would make the essay feel more cohesive, centering entirely around concepts of voice and style.

Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Note: We don’t have a stellar example for this prompt, so instead, we’re sharing a couple examples that need improvement, and what can be done to make the essays more engaging. 

Prompt #6, Example #1

What factors shape the depth and allure of a literary character? This is the exact question I asked myself as my eyes riveted on the white pages covered with little black letters.

I was reading my old novels. I’ve written three novels and many short stories. Each of them repetitively portrayed the hero as intelligent and funny, and the antagonists as cold and manipulative. I came to the appalling realization that my characters were flat, neither exciting nor original. They just didn’t stand out! 

As Oscar Wilde said, ‘Vice and virtue are to the artist material to an art.’ Their mixing makes a novel addictive because its plot is rich with turnarounds and its characters more engaging. In his famous work The Picture of Dorian Gray , Wilde deconstructs the psyche of his characters. He brilliantly plays with the protagonist’s youthful appearance and the decaying portrait to build a truly unique idiosyncratic identity. The persona of Dorian Gray is so complicated a psychologist could analyze it for hours on end!

Inspired by this character, It was my turn to explore good and evil into characters to make my stories more enthralling. I skillfully played with vice and virtue, separating, merging them… My latest novel is the fruit of this exercise. I chose to set it in 20th century London. Its opium dens and exclusive salons; middle-class workers, peasants and politicians breathed the same newly industrialized air; modernity in Blackfriars bridge and tradition in St Paul’s Cathedral; all of these contrasts set the perfect environment for my characters to grow. Following Laclos’ Valmont, Maupassant’s Georges Duroy and Duffy’s Myra Hindley, I played with those contrasts to present an intricate character, truly creative – unlike my previous ones. Insanity, religion, depravity and love are merged into each character, reflecting Edwardian London. As I reflected on my work, I realized vice and virtue altogether made them more human and credible. These characters stood out, they were interesting, I even wanted to know more about them! 

After rewriting, erasing, typing, and thinking countless times, I realized writing is a unique exercise. Nothing is definite when you are holding a fountain pen, hearing its screeching sound on the white paper and watching the ebony ink forming letters. When I wasn’t too happy about a change I made in my story, I simply erased and rewrote it. Everything I imagined could happen: white pages are the only place the mouse eats the cat or the world is taken by a zombie attack! 

This exact exercise of diversifying my characters satisfied my relentless curiosity. Asking myself ‘how could this character be if she had lost her parents in a maritime tragedy?’ allowed me to view the world from different perspectives (some very dissimilar to my own) and considering how each character would react to different situations brought them to life. As I was writing, I was aiming to change the usual narratives I had previously traversed. I loved experimenting with countless personality traits in my characters – minutes flowing, my hand dancing on the paper as my mind was singing words coming alive….

There were times where my hand just stopped writing and my mind stopped raging. I tried thinking differently, changing a character’s background, the story, the setting. I was inspired by Zola, A.Carter, Fitzgerald, the Brontë sisters… I could observe the different reactions of their characters, and reflect on mine theoretically. But it was only part one of the work: I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically, always leading to fresh ideas – I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting. Both theory and practice are required to gain intellectual independence and experience, in writing and more globally: before I can change a character, I have to understand it. Before we can change the world, we have to understand it.

The main strength of this essay is the authenticity of the topic the student chose. They aren’t making anything up or stretching the truth. Writing is something that captivates them, and that captivation shines through—particularly through their fourth paragraph (where they geek out over specific plots and characters) and their fifth paragraph (where they joyfully describe how writing has no limitations). Admissions officers want to see this passion and intensity in applicants! The fact that this student has already written three novels also shows dedication and is impressive.

The main weakness of this essay is its structure. Ironically, it is not super captivating. The essay would have been more compelling if the student utilized a “anecdote – answer – reflection” structure. This student’s current introduction involves a reflective question, citations about their past writing experience, then their thoughts on Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. Instead, this student could’ve provided one cohesive (and powerful!) image of them being frustrated with their own writing then being inspired by Dorian Gray. This would look something like:

“I stayed up three nights in a row studying my own writing—bored by my own writing. The only thing more painful than seeing failure in the fruits of your labor is not seeing a path for improvement. I had written three novels and numerous short stories, and all I could come up with was funny and intelligent heroes going up against cold and manipulative villains. What kind of writer was so consistently cliche? On the third night, I wandered over to my bookshelf. Mrs. Dalloway caught my eye (it has such a beautiful cover). I flipped through. Then, I grabbed Giovanni’s Room . I was so obsessed with my shortcomings that I couldn’t even focus long enough to see what these authors were doing right. I picked up The Picture of Dorian Gray and decided to just start reading. By the end of the night, I was captivated.”

An introduction like this would flow nicely into the student describing their experience with Dorian Gray then, because of that experience, describing how they have altered their approach to writing. The conclusion of this essay would then be this student’s time for reflection. Instead of repeating content about their passion—“I then had to write, sometimes aimlessly, sometimes frantically” and “I was exploring the practical, trying, erasing and rewriting”—, the student could dedicate their conclusion to reflecting on the reasons that writing is so captivating or the ways that (until the day they die) writers will always be perfecting their craft.

This essay is a great example of how important it is to pick a topic that truly excites you. It also illustrates how important it is to effectively structure that excitement.

Prompt #6, Example #2

Astonished by the crashing sound of waves in my ear, I was convinced this magical shell actually held the sound of the big blue sea — my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop . It distinctly reminded me of the awestruck feeling I had when I witnessed the churning waves of a windy night by the ocean the previous weekend; I lost track of time gazing at the distant moonlit border dividing our world from the ever-growing black void. Turning to my mom, I inquired curiously, “Can we go to the place where the water ends one day?”

She explained to me I could never reach the end of the ocean because the harsh line I had seen was actually an illusion called the horizon —  there was no material end to the ocean. For a mind as young as mine was, the idea of infinity was incomprehensible. As my infatuation with the ocean continued to grow, I finally understood that regardless of how far I travel, the horizon is unattainable because it’s not a physical limit. This idea is why the ocean captivates me — no matter how much you discover, there is always more to explore. 

Learning about and exploring the ocean provided an escape from one reality into another; though we are on the same planet, it’s an entirely separate world. Through elementary and middle school, I devoted vast amounts of my free time to learning about simpler concepts like a dolphin’s ability to echolocate and coral reef ecosystems. I rented countless documentaries and constantly checked out books from my local library — my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.” This episode remained memorable because it was centered around the impacts of fossil fuels on marine animals; it was the first time I’d learned about the impending crisis we are faced with due to the human mistreatment of our planet.

Prior to viewing that episode, I relied on the ocean as an outlet — I fueled all of my emotions into studying marine organisms. Once I learned of its grave future, I delved into the world of environmental activism. This path was much more disheartening than studying echolocation — inevitable death due to climate change took a toll on my mental health. I attended two climate strikes in November of my sophomore year. Following the strikes, I joined Sunrise Movement Sacramento, a youth-led climate justice organization advocating for the Green New Deal. While analyzing legislation and organizing protests were significant takeaways from my experience with climate activism, they were not the most important. I became an organizer because of my love for the ocean and I remain an organizer because of my passion for dissolving the disproportionalities marginalized groups face due to the sacrificing of people’s livelihood for the sake of profit. The more I learned about our modern society, the more hopeless I grew that I could see any significant change within my lifetime.

However, this hopelessness comes in waves; every day, I remind myself of the moment I discovered the horizon. Or the moment I first dove into the beautiful waters of the Hawaiian coast and immediately was surrounded by breathtaking seas of magnificent creatures and coral gardens — life felt ethereal and beautiful. I remind myself that like the ocean, the vast majority of the universe has yet to be discovered; that distant border holds infinite opportunity to learn. In a universe as vast as ours, and life as rare as ours, individuals still choose to prioritize avarice over our planet. Despite this grave individualism, the ocean reminds me every day there is hope in the fight for a better world. Though I will never discover every inch of the ocean’s floor, I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.

Sometimes the path to a great essay is taking something normal and using it to show admissions officers who you are and what you value—that is precisely this student’s approach! Finding the ocean fascinating is not unique to this student. Tons of kids (and adults, too!) are obsessed with the ocean. What this student does is take things a step further as they explain their curiosity about the ocean in relation to their pain about the destruction of the environment. This capacity for reflection is great!

This student shows a good control of language through their thematic centering on ocean and horizons that carries through their essay—with ”this hopelessness comes in waves” and “I will forever envision and reach for new horizons.” The details provided throughout are also effective at keeping readers engaged—things like “ my six-year-old self was heartbroken when I couldn’t take the thirty-dollar artificial shell from SeaWorld’s gift shop” and “ my all-time favorite was an episode of the television series Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey titled “The Lost Worlds of Planet Earth.”

The main weakness of this essay is the lack of reflection when the student discusses environmental activism. There’s reflection on the student’s connection to the ocean and horizons at the beginning and at the end, but when the student discusses activism, the tone shifts from focusing on their internal thoughts to their external actions. Remember, a lot of students write about environmental activism, but not a lot of students write about an emotional connection to the ocean as an impetus for environmental activism. This student would stand out more to admissions officers if they had dug into questions of what the ocean means to them (and says about them) in the paragraphs beginning “Learning about and exploring the ocean…” and “Prior to viewing that episode.”

Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Prompt #7, example #1.

Scalding hot water cascades over me, crashing to the ground in a familiar, soothing rhythm. Steam rises to the ceiling as dried sweat and soap suds swirl down the drain. The water hisses as it hits my skin, far above the safe temperature for a shower. The pressure is perfect on my tired muscles, easing the aches and bruises from a rough bout of sparring and the tension from a long, stressful day. The noise from my overactive mind dies away, fading into music, lyrics floating through my head. Black streaks stripe the inside of my left arm, remnants of the penned reminders of homework, money owed and forms due. 

It lacks the same dynamism and controlled intensity of sparring on the mat at taekwondo or the warm tenderness of a tight hug from my father, but it’s still a cocoon of safety as the water washes away the day’s burdens. As long as the hot water is running, the rest of the world ceases to exist, shrinking to me, myself and I. The shower curtain closes me off from the hectic world spinning around me. 

Much like the baths of Blanche DuBois, my hot showers are a means of cleansing and purifying (though I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me). In the midst of a hot shower, there is no impending exam to study for, no newspaper deadline to meet, no paycheck to deposit. It is simply complete and utter peace, a safe haven. The steam clears my mind even as it clouds my mirror. 

Creativity thrives in the tub, breathing life into tales of dragons and warrior princesses that evolve only in my head, never making their way to paper but appeasing the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me all the same. That one calculus problem that has seemed unsolvable since second period clicks into place as I realize the obvious solution. The perfect concluding sentence to my literary analysis essay writes itself (causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely).  

Ever since I was old enough to start taking showers unaided, I began hogging all the hot water in the house, a source of great frustration to my parents. Many of my early showers were rudely cut short by an unholy banging on the bathroom door and an order to “stop wasting water and come eat dinner before it gets cold.” After a decade of trudging up the stairs every evening to put an end to my water-wasting, my parents finally gave in, leaving me to my (expensive) showers. I imagine someday, when paying the water bill is in my hands, my showers will be shorter, but today is not that day (nor, hopefully, will the next four years be that day). 

Showers are better than any ibuprofen, the perfect panacea for life’s daily ailments. Headaches magically disappear as long as the water runs, though they typically return in full force afterward. The runny nose and itchy eyes courtesy of summertime allergies recede. Showers alleviate even the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control. 

Honestly though, the best part about a hot shower is neither its medicinal abilities nor its blissful temporary isolation or even the heavenly warmth seeped deep into my bones. The best part is that these little moments of pure, uninhibited contentedness are a daily occurrence. No matter how stressful the day, showers ensure I always have something to look forward to. They are small moments, true, but important nonetheless, because it is the little things in life that matter; the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy. Wherever I am in the world, whatever fate chooses to throw at me, I know I can always find my peace at the end of the day behind the shower curtain.

This essay is relatable yet personal! The writer makes themself supremely human through discussing the universal subject of showering. That being said, an essay about showering could easily turn boring while still being relatable. This writer keeps its relatable moments interesting and fun through vivid descriptions of common feelings including “causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely” and “the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control.”

While describing a universal feeling, this student also cleverly and intentionally mentions small facts about their life through simple phrases like “I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me” and “the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me.” To put it simply, though we are talking about a shower, we learn about so much more!

And, at the end, the student lets us know that that is exactly why they love showers. Showers are more than meets the eye! With this insightful and reflective ending (“the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy”), readers learn about this student’s capacity for reflection, which is an important capacity as you enter college.

The one major error that this writer commits is that of using a trite transition. The inclusion of “Honestly though” at the beginning of this student’s ending detracts from what they are trying to say and sticks out in their writing.

Prompt #7, Example #2

Steam whooshed from the pot as I unveiled my newest creation: duck-peppercorn-chestnut dumplings. The spicy, hearty aroma swirled into the kitchen, mingling with the smell of fresh dough. Grinning, I grabbed a plump dumpling with chopsticks, blew carefully, and fed it into the waiting mouth of my little sister. Her eyes widening, she vigorously nodded and held up five stubby fingers. I did a little happy dance in celebration and pulled my notebook out of my apron pocket. Duck-peppercorn-chestnut: five stars.

In my household, dumplings are a far cry from the classic pork and cabbage. Our menu boasts everything from the savory lamb-bamboo shoot-watercress to the sweet and crispy apple-cinnamon-date. A few years ago, my sister claimed she was sick of eating the same flavors over and over. Refusing to let her disavow our family staple, I took her complaint as a challenge to make the tastiest and most unconventional dumplings to satisfy her. With her as my taste tester and Mum in charge of dough, I spent months experimenting with dozens of odd ingredient combinations. 

During those days spent covered in flour, my dumplings often reminded me of myself—a hybrid of ingredients that don’t usually go together. I am the product of three distinct worlds: the suburbs of Boston, the rural Chinese village of [location removed], and the coastal city of [location removed]. At school, I am both the STEM nerd with lightning-fast mental math and the artistic plant mom obsessed with funky earrings. I love all that is elegant, from Chinese calligraphy to the rolling notes of the Gourd flute, yet I can be very not elegant, like when my sister and I make homemade slime. When I’m on the streets, marching for women’s rights and climate action, I’m loud, bellowing from the bottom of my gut. In the painting studio, though, I don’t speak unless spoken to, and hours can slip by like minutes. I’m loud and quiet. Elegant and messy. Nerdy and artistic. Suburban, rustic, and metropolitan.

While I’m full of odd combinations, they are only seemingly contradictory. Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper, different facets of my identity also converge. After my tenth-grade summer, when I spent six weeks studying design at art school and another three researching the brain at Harvard Med, I began asking myself: What if I mixed art and neuroscience together? That fall, I collaborated with my school’s art museum for an independent research project, exploring two questions: How are aesthetic experiences processed in the brain? And how can neuroscience help museums design exhibits that maximize visitor engagement? I combed through studies with results from tightly controlled experiments, and I spent days gathering my own qualitative data by observing museum visitors and asking them questions. With the help of my artistic skills, I could identify the visual and spatial elements of the exhibits that best held visitors’ attention. 

By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am—art and neuroscience—I realized I shouldn’t see the different sides of myself as separate. I learned to instead seek the intersections between aspects of my identity. Since then, I have mixed art with activism to voice my opinions nonverbally, created Spotify playlists with both Chinese and western pop, and written flute compositions using music theory and math. In the future, by continuing to combine my interests, I want to find my niche in the world. I can make a positive impact on society without having to choose just one passion. As of now, my dream is to be a neuroscientist who designs art therapy treatments for mental health patients. Who knows though? Maybe my calling is to be a dim sum chef who teaches pottery on the side. I don’t know where I’ll go, but one thing’s for sure—being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.

This essay is outstanding because the student seems likable and authentic. With the first image of the student’s little sister vigorously nodding and holding up “five stubby fingers,” we find ourselves intrigued by the student’s daily life. They additionally show the importance of family, culture, and creativity in their life—these are great things to highlight in your essay!

After the introduction, the student uses their weird dumpling anecdote to transition to a discussion of their unique intersections. This is achieved smoothly because weirdness/uniqueness is the focus of both of these topics. Additionally, the comparison is not awkward because dumplings are used as more than just a transition, but rather are the through-line of the essay—the student weaves in little phrases like “Just as barbeque pork and pineapple can combine beautifully in a dumpling wrapper,” “By synergizing two of the ingredients that make me who I am,” and “being a standard pork and cabbage dumpling is definitely not my style.” This gives the essay its cohesive feel.

Authenticity comes through in this essay as the student recognizes that they don’t know what the future holds. They just know what kind of a person they are—a passionate one! 

One change that would improve this student’s essay would be focusing on fewer intersections in their third and last paragraph. The student mentions STEM, music, family activities, activism, and painting, which makes it feel like a distraction in middle of the essay. Focus on the most important things you want to show admissions officers—you can sit at intersections, but you can’t be interested in everything.

Prompt #7, Example #3

“Everyone follow me!” I smiled at five wide-eyed skaters before pushing off into a spiral. I glanced behind me hopefully, only to see my students standing frozen like statues, the fear in their eyes as clear as the ice they swayed on. “Come on!” I said encouragingly, but the only response I elicited was the slow shake of their heads. My first day as a Learn-to-Skate coach was not going as planned. 

But amid my frustration, I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater. At seven, I had been fascinated by Olympic performers who executed thrilling high jumps and dizzying spins with apparent ease, and I dreamed to one day do the same. My first few months on skates, however, sent these hopes crashing down: my attempts at slaloms and toe-loops were shadowed by a stubborn fear of falling, which even the helmet, elbow pads, and two pairs of mittens I had armed myself with couldn’t mitigate. Nonetheless, my coach remained unfailingly optimistic, motivating me through my worst spills and teaching me to find opportunities in failures. With his encouragement, I learned to push aside my fears and attack each jump with calm and confidence; it’s the hope that I can help others do the same that now inspires me to coach. 

I remember the day a frustrated staff member directed Oliver, a particularly hesitant young skater, toward me, hoping that my patience and steady encouragement might help him improve. Having stood in Oliver’s skates not much earlier myself, I completely empathized with his worries but also saw within him the potential to overcome his fears and succeed. 

To alleviate his anxiety, I held Oliver’s hand as we inched around the rink, cheering him on at every turn. I soon found though, that this only increased his fear of gliding on his own, so I changed my approach, making lessons as exciting as possible in hopes that he would catch the skating bug and take off. In the weeks that followed, we held relay races, played “freeze-skate” and “ice-potato”, and raced through obstacle courses; gradually, with each slip and subsequent success, his fear began to abate. I watched Oliver’s eyes widen in excitement with every skill he learned, and not long after, he earned his first skating badge. Together we celebrated this milestone, his ecstasy fueling my excitement and his pride mirroring my own. At that moment, I was both teacher and student, his progress instilling in me the importance of patience and a positive attitude. 

It’s been more than ten years since I bundled up and stepped onto the ice for the first time. Since then, my tolerance for the cold has remained stubbornly low, but the rest of me has certainly changed. In sharing my passion for skating, I have found a wonderful community of eager athletes, loving parents, and dedicated coaches from whom I have learned invaluable lessons and wisdom. My fellow staffers have been with me, both as friends and colleagues, and the relationships I’ve formed have given me far more poise, confidence, and appreciation for others. Likewise, my relationships with parents have given me an even greater gratitude for the role they play: no one goes to the rink without a parent behind the wheel! 

Since that first lesson, I have mentored dozens of children, and over the years, witnessed tentative steps transform into powerful glides and tears give way to delighted grins. What I have shared with my students has been among the greatest joys of my life, something I will cherish forever. It’s funny: when I began skating, what pushed me through the early morning practices was the prospect of winning an Olympic medal. Now, what excites me is the chance to work with my students, to help them grow, and to give back to the sport that has brought me so much happiness. 

A major strength of this essay comes in its narrative organization. When reading this first paragraph, we feel for the young skaters and understand their fear—skating sounds scary! Then, because the writer sets us up to feel this empathy, the transition to the second paragraph where the student describes their empathy for the young skaters is particularly powerful. It’s like we are all in it together! The student’s empathy for the young skaters also serves as an outstanding, seamless transition to the applicant discussing their personal journey with skating: “I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater.”

This essay positions the applicant as a grounded and caring individual. They are caring towards the young skaters—changing their teaching style to try to help the young skaters and feeling the young skaters’ emotions with them—but they are also appreciative to those who helped them as they reference their fellow staffers and parents. This shows great maturity—a favorable quality in the eyes of an admissions officer.

At the end of the essay, we know a lot about this student and are convinced that they would be a good addition to a college campus!

Prompt #7, Example #4

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Prompt #7, Example #5

“We’re ready for take-off!” 

The tires hit the tarmac and began to accelerate, and I just realized what I had signed up for. For 24 hours straight, I strapped myself into a broken-down SUV whereas others chose the luxury of soaring through the skies for a mere two hours. Especially with my motion sickness and driving anxiety, I would call myself crazy too.

To say I have always remained in my comfort zone is an understatement. Did I always order chicken fingers and fries at a restaurant? Yup! Sounds like me. Did I always create a color-coded itinerary just for a day trip? Guilty as charged. Did I always carry a first-aid kit at all times? Of course! I would make even an ambulance look unprepared. And yet here I was, choosing 1,000 miles of misery from Las Vegas to Seattle despite every bone in my body telling me not to.

The sunlight blinded my eyes and a wave of nausea swept over me. Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator? It was only ten minutes in, and I was certain that the trip was going to be a disaster. I simply hoped that our pre-drive prayer was not stuck in God’s voicemail box. 

All of a sudden, I noticed brightly colored rocks in the distance, ones I had been dying to see for years. Their fluorescence popped amongst the magnificent winding hills as the sunset became romantic in hue. The desert glistened with mirages of deep blue water unlike anything I had ever seen. Nevada was home, but home always seemed to be just desert and casinos. For once, I looked forward to endless desert outside my window rather than a sea of clouds.

I never realized how little I discovered of the world beyond home. For years I complained about how there was nothing to do or discover outside. Not once did I set out to prove myself wrong. Instead, I chose a daily routine of homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV. However, as summer vacation ended, I decided to set my stubbornness aside and finally give this drive back home a chance. Little did I know that it would turn out to be my favorite trip of all time. 

As we drove along, the world chose to prove me wrong when I discovered Heaven on Earth along Shasta Lake. I stood out of the sunroof, surrounded by lush green mountains and fog. I extended my arms out and felt a sense of flight that no plane could ever take me on. As the water vapor kissed my face, I floated into a dreamland I never wanted to leave. I didn’t have to go to great lengths to discover the beauty of the world; it was right in front of me.  From this moment on, comfort and convenience would no longer be my best friends. Rather than only looking for famous travel destinations or following carefully mapped-out routes, I would let curiosity lead the way. 

Since then, my daily life has been anything but routine. I’m proud to boast of my family’s homemade kombucha attempts, of flights purchased and taken in one day, and of a home flooded with knick-knacks from thrifting trips. Every day I set out to try something new, see a different perspective, and go beyond normal. Whether it is by trying a new recipe using taro, making a risky fashion choice with wide-legged pants, or listening to a new music genre in Spanish, I always act with curiosity first.

Over the years, I have devoted my time towards learning Swedish, building computers, and swimming. Although my accent is horrid, some computers almost broke, and even a starfish would outswim me, I continue to enjoy activities I once criticized. For me, there is no enjoyment without some risk. Nobody I know is a kazoo-playing, boogie-board loving, boba connoisseur like me.

This essay is an Overcoming Challenges story that centers around a single anecdote. The structure works nicely as the student describes what they were like before their road trip, what happened on the road trip, and what they were like after. 

The most major improvement that this essay needs is better-communicated authenticity. At the beginning, it feels a bit gimmicky. The student describes their preparedness, particularly the fact that they always carry a first aid kit, and it’s not super believable. Then, when they write “Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator?” it feels like we are in a sitcom and the student is that funny obsessive kid. Sitcom characters don’t feel real and you want to make yourself appear profoundly real.

On a similar note, the narrative arc of this essay isn’t entirely believable. The student describes a large personality and value shift but doesn’t describe any struggles that accompany the shift. A quick shift like that is far from easy. On the other hand, if the immediacy of the shift was easy, they could write about moments after their shift in mindset when they have felt troubled by residual desires to stay in their comfort zone, instead of writing “I always act with curiosity first.”

The greatest strength of this essay is the paragraphs beginning “I never realized how little…” and “As we drove along…” The fixation on comfort seems much more believable when it involves “homework at the kitchen table and late-night TV.” The descriptions of the drive provide beautiful, evocative imagery. And it’s topped off with some nice reflection! Digging into this great portion of the essay would make this an even stronger essay!

Want to see more examples? Check out this post with 16 strong essay examples from top schools , including common supplemental essay questions.

At selective schools, your essays account for around 25% of your admissions decision. That’s more than grades (20%) and test scores (15%), and almost as much as extracurriculars (30%). Why is this? Most students applying to top schools will have stellar academics and extracurriculars. Your essays are your chance to stand out and humanize your application.

That’s why it’s vital that your essays are engaging, and present you as someone who would enrich the campus community.

Before submitting your application, you should have someone else review your essays. It’s even better if that person doesn’t know you personally, as they can best tell whether your personality shines through your essay. 

That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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