college essay about losing a parent examples

"My Father's Passing"

University of Michigan

2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

250 - 650 words

Why This Essay Works:

• Navigates Tragedy Gracefully : Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.
• Compelling Motivations : This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.

What They Might Change:

• Write Only From Your Perspective : In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.

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‘I hate the letter S’: This college essay on the loss of a parent helped a Bridgewater teen into Harvard — and went viral

"i used to have two parents, but now i have one, and the s in parents isn't going anywhere.”.

By Christopher Gavin

At 12 years old, Abigail Mack lost the “S.”

Her mother, Julie-Ann, had battled cancer as a teen, but the disease re-emerged several times as an adult and, in 2014, she passed away.

“My dad became just my everything,” Mack, of Bridgewater, told Boston.com. “I mean, he’s my best friend and I’m so fortunate to have him in my life.”

Still, the loss naturally had a lasting impact on Mack, now 18 years old and a senior at Cardinal Spellman High School in Brockton. She always knew the death of her mother would be something she wanted to discuss in her college application essay, but she was hesitant.

There’s a stigma around writing about personal trauma in the application process, Mack said.

“It can come across as very just a pity party, and ‘Hey, look what I’ve overcome.’ And so it sometimes, it can almost hurt you more than helping you if it just is coming across as you trying to use that just to your advantage,” Mack said. “But I also didn’t want to just shy away from it because it has been something that’s been really important in how my life has turned out.”

How would she get across what she wanted to say?

Working with her English teacher, Mack struggled through reworking the first draft.

“I just remember sitting down with a blank document, and I don’t know how I thought of it, but all of a sudden, I thought about the difference between parent and parents,” she said. “And I said, ‘I hate the letter S.’ And then I just started writing.”

“I hate the letter S. Of the 164,777 words with S, I only grapple with one. To condemn an entire letter because of its use .0006 percent of the time sounds statistically absurd, but that one case changed 100 percent of my life. I used to have two parents, but now I have one, and the S in parents isn’t going anywhere.”

@a_vmack ♬ original sound – Abigail Mack

The essay has now been heard millions of times after various videos Mack posted to the social media platform TikTok , detailing what she wrote and reciting it for her followers, went viral, with one attracting 16.5 million views alone.

Mack said the surprise popularity began with a previous video she posted, documenting her reaction the moment she found out she was accepted to Harvard University’s incoming freshman class; that post now has over 100,000 views. (Mack is among the 1,968 students admitted to the Class of 2025, who faced an extremely competitive applicant pool: total applications were up almost 43 percent over the past year.)

Commenters on the video — and on a follow up post on Mack’s academic “stats” — wanted to know all about her academic life, from the classes she took to what extracurricular activities she did throughout high school.

Mack started a series of college help videos, but many viewers kept asking: What did she write about for her college essay?

Unsure if she wanted to disclose something so personal, she posted videos describing what she wrote, which have now garnered close to 2 million views total.

And with even more curiosity from viewers, she decided to post the whole thing.

“I didn’t think it would take off as much as it did, but it did, and here we are,” Mack said. “But it’s really surreal.”

In the essay, Mack wrote how when the world wouldn’t abandon the letter S, she tried to abandon it herself.

When friends would be eating dinner with their parents, Mack threw herself into so many extracurricular activities she wouldn’t have time for family dinner — a strategy to avoid confronting the absence of S.

“I became known as the busy kid: The one that everyone always asks how do you have time? Morning meetings, classes, after school meetings, volleyball practice, dance class, rehearsal in Boston, homework, sleep, repeat. My specific schedule has changed over time, the busyness has not. I couldn’t fill the loss S left in my life, but I could at least make sure I didn’t have to think about it.”

When S came creeping back, Mack added another ball to the many she juggled, she wrote. Over time, she noticed she was drawn to more distinct interests, in theatre, academics, and politics.

Mack’s love of dance and theater comes from her mother, who opened a dance studio that her father still operates, she said. This past year, a burgeoning interest in politics brought her to phone bank for now-President Joe Biden, and eventually a fellowship position on the campaign to re-elect Sen. Ed Markey.

“I stopped running away from a single S and began chasing a double S: Passion. Passion has given me purpose.”

“I was shackled to S, as I tried to escape the confines of the traditional familial structure. No matter how far I ran, S stayed behind me, because I kept looking back. I finally learned to move forward instead of away, and it’s liberating. S got me moving, but it hasn’t kept me going. I wish I could end here, triumphant and basking in my new inspiration, but life is more convoluted.”

Motivation, Mack wrote, is a double-edged sword. It keeps her looking forward, but it also prevents her from having to look back.

“Motivation is what keeps us at bay. I’m not perfectly healed, but I’m perfect at navigating the best way to heal me. I don’t seek out sadness, so S must stay on the sidelines. And until I am completely ready, motivation is more than enough for me.”

Mack now has over 100,000 followers on TikTok, and wants to use her newfound platform to try to enlighten and help others with the college application process.

But Mack, who said she has an interest in foreign relations, wants to make clear: There is no one way to get admitted to a school.

“I really want my message to be that you need to demonstrate your passions, whatever they are, because colleges want to see what you’re interested in — and they want to see you committed to those interests,” Mack said. “And if by sharing my personal story and my personal extracurriculars and classes, how I got to where I am, will help people see their own voice, then I’d say it’s been worth it.”

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5 Ways to Make College Essays About Tragedy More Memorable

By Eric Eng

Difficult and personal topics of tragedy and loss aren’t easy for many people to talk about, let alone write about for others to read. This makes college essays about tragedy challenging for many applicants.

To be sure, a college essay on the death of a parent or death in a family can have a positive impact on a student’s application. The gravity of these subjects makes them impactful, full of emotions, and very captivating for admissions officers. However, a college essay about losing a loved one will only work if they’re done right. Since so many students experience tragedy and loss at some point in their lives, these topics can come across as generic.

Writing About Tragedy in the College Application Essay: Should It Be Done?

When preparing to write a meaningful, personal, and impactful college application essay, something tragic that’s happened in your life might seem like a fitting topic. It’s revealing, emotional, and raw. Well, you’ll hear a variety of different opinions when you ask whether or not painful college essays are a good idea.

Critics of sad college essays say that these subjects can come across as generic since many applicants struggle with similar experiences or issues. Tragedy is a universal phenomenon that humans experience, after all. However, another group will say that these stories are so personal and important that you’re doing yourself a disservice by not writing about them. Sad college essays are a great way to share a life struggle and what you learned from it.

So, what’s the real answer? Should you write a college essay about death or any tragedies? At AdmissionSight , we’ve helped hundreds of students write their winning college application essays, and this is a common topic that we’re asked about. Through our experience, we can confidently say that tragedy and loss are appropriate subjects for your college essay if – and only if – they’re approached carefully and with a clear sense of purpose.

The purpose of college essays about tragedy isn’t to garner sympathy, and a college essay about death or any essay about a tragic event won’t earn you any. If you choose to focus your essay on a tragic event, make sure that you can explain how the tragedy has affected you as a person and what you wish to do with that experience and learnings.

The Right Way to Write About Tragedy in College Application

If you’ve experienced tragedy or loss and wish to address it in your college application essay, you’ll need to approach the topic differently than you would other subjects. These sensitive topics require more tact and care than others. But, when done correctly, they can have a heartfelt impact and make your college application essay truly stand out. Here, we’ll explore some tips on how to write a college essay about losing a loved one or any tragedy.

1. Be open and honest.

When writing college essays about tragedy, some people may feel the need to alter the truth for various reasons. Some worry that being too blunt and open about their experiences might seem too forward, revealing, or uncomfortably raw.

On the other hand, others might feel the need to portray themselves as being more directly affected by the tragedy than they actually were. The ultimate goal is to focus on the aspect of the tragedy that had a lasting impact on you. What challenges have you overcome? How have you changed and grown as a result of the tragedy?

You shouldn’t feel the need to dress your story up or strip it down. Don’t write like you were impacted in ways that you weren’t. This can come across as insincere, and you’d be surprised how easy this is to detect in writing – especially when touching upon such serious topics. You also don’t have to be affected firsthand by a tragic event to have been impacted by it. If something truly affected you, it’ll come through in your writing no matter what happened.

2. Use the right language.

When addressing heavy topics in your college application essay, finding the right balance between authenticity and quality writing can be challenging. The success of your essay depends both on your chosen topic and how well you articulate it.

When writing about tragedy and loss, it’s important to express yourself sincerely while conveying genuine emotions and feelings. This means choosing words that reflect your true experiences and emotions, avoiding clichés, and being honest without being overly dramatic.

Use descriptive language to illustrate your experiences and emotions. Instead of simply stating how you felt, describe specific moments and details that convey your feelings. For example, instead of saying, “I was sad,” you might describe a particular moment that highlights your sorrow.

3. Connect it to the prompt.

Although colleges have essay prompts that are more personal in nature, it’s rare to find a prompt that’s related directly to college essays about tragedy. In general, universities won’t ask students to recount these personal events on their applications. They simply would now want applicants to write sad college essays. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t find plenty of open-ended prompts where these subjects can be appropriate.

In fact, it is common for universities to include questions that ask students to talk about formative experiences in their lives. No matter what kind of prompt you choose, just make sure your story fits the prompt.

For example, let’s say a college application essay prompt is asking you to talk about how you developed an interest in your field of study; perhaps you’re pursuing a degree in the medical field because you had a close friend who died of cancer. Their passing had such an impact on you that you decided to dedicate your life to helping those suffering from the same illness.

While the experience of loss and tragedy adds a powerful element to the response, it’s not the whole answer. It still needs to be connected to the original question. Don’t get so caught up in writing about the event that you forget to respond to the prompt.

4. Focus on yourself.

When you recount a tragic event or loss in your life, it’s often described as something that happened to you. Especially when dealing with losing a loved one, an applicant’s instinct is to focus on the individual rather than themselves. However, when writing college essays about tragedy, students must remember to talk about themselves. It might sound selfish and inappropriate, given the gravity of the event. 

However, admissions officers are interested in learning more about you through your essay. After, it is you who is applying for admission. If you spend the whole time talking about somebody else, you lose the chance to show the admission officers why you need to be accepted and what makes you a good fit for the said school.

How did the tragedy or loss affect you? How did you feel throughout the grieving process? Have you changed permanently since the experience? How is it impacting what you’re doing today? Has it altered your direction or goals in life? These are all pertinent questions that – if applicable to the prompt – should be included in your response.

You want to give admissions officers a glimpse into who you are as a person. That’s why it’s important to focus a good portion of your college essay about death and how this experience impacted you directly.

5. Be respectful.

One of the most important tips on how to approach tragedy and loss in a college essay is with a high level of respect. Some students are hesitant to write about these topics because of how personal and revealing they are. While your name will obviously be on the application, you don’t (and shouldn’t) need to include the names of other people involved in your story.

You can always use fake names to make the response flow better or leave out names altogether. Either way, you’ll want to remain as discreet and anonymous as possible. This isn’t only respectful to others involved, but it also demonstrates tact to admissions officers.

Don’t worry. You’re not going to lose any points for not being specific. Colleges are used to reading these stories. It’s common practice to omit some personal details. Besides, as we mentioned before, the most important part of your story is how you were affected by the process.

Sample College Essays About Tragedy and Loss

Now that we’ve explored some tips for writing college essays about tragedy more effectively for your application, it’s time to look at an actual example. Although the aforementioned tips are incredibly helpful, seeing an example of sad college essays is very informative. Read through this essay carefully and, considering the tips we mentioned, guess what we like so much about it. We’ll explain it in detail in the next section.

Written for the Common App college application essay “Tell us your story” prompt. This essay could work for prompts 1 and 7 for the Common App.

“They covered the precious mahogany coffin with a brown amalgam of rocks, decomposed organisms, and weeds. It was my turn to take the shovel, but I felt too ashamed to dutifully send her off when I had not properly said goodbye. I refused to throw dirt on her. I refused to let go of my grandmother, to accept a death I had not seen coming, to believe that an illness could not only interrupt but steal a beloved life.

When my parents finally revealed to me that my grandmother had been battling liver cancer, I was twelve and I was angry–mostly with myself. They had wanted to protect me–only six years old at the time–from the complex and morose concept of death. However, when the end inevitably arrived, I wasn’t trying to comprehend what dying was; I was trying to understand how I had been able to abandon my sick grandmother in favor of playing with friends and watching TV. Hurt that my parents had deceived me and resentful of my own oblivion, I committed myself to prevent such blindness from resurfacing.

I became desperately devoted to my education because I saw knowledge as the key to freeing myself from the chains of ignorance. While learning about cancer in school, I promised myself that I would memorize every fact and absorb every detail in textbooks and online medical journals. And as I began to consider my future, I realized that what I learned in school would allow me to silence that which had silenced my grandmother. However, I was focused not on learning itself but on good grades and high test scores. I started to believe that academic perfection would be the only way to redeem myself in her eyes–to make up for what I had not done as a granddaughter.

However, a simple walk on a hiking trail behind my house made me open my own eyes to the truth. Over the years, everything–even honoring my grandmother–had become second to school and grades. As my shoes humbly tapped against the earth, the towering trees blackened by the forest fire a few years ago, the faintly colorful pebbles embedded in the sidewalk, and the wispy white clouds hanging in the sky reminded me of my small though nonetheless significant part in a larger whole that is humankind and this Earth. Before I could resolve my guilt, I had to broaden my perspective of the world as well as my responsibilities to my fellow humans.

Volunteering at a cancer treatment center has helped me discover my path. When I see patients trapped in not only the hospital but also a moment in time by their diseases, I talk to them. For six hours a day, three times a week, Ivana is surrounded by IV stands, empty walls, and busy nurses that quietly yet constantly remind her of her breast cancer. Her face is pale and tired, yet kind–not unlike my grandmother’s. I need only to smile and say hello to see her brighten up as life returns to her face. Upon our first meeting, she opened up about her two sons, her hometown, and her knitting group–no mention of her disease. Without even standing up, the three of us—Ivana, me, and my grandmother–had taken a walk together.

Cancer, as powerful and invincible as it may seem, is a mere fraction of a person’s life. It’s easy to forget when one’s mind and body are so weak and vulnerable. I want to be there as an oncologist to remind them to take a walk once in a while, to remember that there’s so much more to life than a disease. While I physically treat their cancer, I want to lend patients emotional support and mental strength to escape the interruption and continue living. Through my work, I can accept the shovel without burying my grandmother’s memory.”

What we like about this essay

We do not often come across college essays about tragedy and loss that hit all the right points. Generally, these essays are too cliche despite their serious contents. Here, we’ll outline some things we loved about this essay and why we chose it as an example of a great college essay about death:

• The writer is able to broach a serious topic such as death, cancer, and the loss of a loved one with positivity and a sense of hope.
• The essay focuses on how the applicant was impacted by the experience more than it does the actual experience itself.
• It includes all of the details needed to convey the message without exceeding the word limit or becoming too focused on the specifics.
• The applicant talks specifically about how their tragic experiences impacted them personally while explaining how they’ll move forward in the future after this change.
• The essay describes how the tragedy and loss affect what they want to study in college, helping admission officers make a connection between this event and the applicant’s plans for university.
• There are enough details and personality without being too revealing to make it uncomfortable or awkward for the reader.

Ultimately, always remember this when trying to write a college essay about losing a loved one: the essay should avoid listing challenges or tragedies without reflecting on how these events have shaped who the student is today. One of the hardest parts of being a college admissions guide is telling someone that their family tragedy alone won’t secure their admission.

Writing sad college essays without hindsight and foresight will never work. However, it can be compelling if the student explains what they learned from such a harrowing experience. Everyone faces challenges, but it’s how these challenges shape a person that truly matters.

Need help getting into top-tier colleges?

Essays are an integral part of the college admission process. In order to secure a spot at the university of your dreams, you need to nail this portion of the application. Fortunately, there’s a professional college admissions coach who can help you perfect your essays.

AdmissionSight is the leading college admissions specialist with years of experience successfully helping students like you gain admittance to their chosen universities. Our essay editing services can help you stand out amongst the crowd of applicants, even at top-tier universities.

Contact AdmissionSight to learn more about the services we offer and how we can help you.

Want to assess your chances of admission? Take our FREE chances calculator today!

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Losing a loved one, especially in high school, can upend how you view the world.

It’s only natural that you’d want to write your Common Application personal statement about it.

Writing about death is always difficult, and it is especially difficult in a college application essay. It can take twice the time and effort to craft a personal statement about so emotional a topic.

Since it’s a more challenging topic, you should be sure that writing about the death of a loved one is the right choice for you.

While some advice may say otherwise, writing about traumatic experiences does not increase your chances of admission, so don’t feel forced to write about the death of a loved one just because you think that’s what admissions offices want to see.

You should write about your loss if it’s the topic that will allow you to tell your most authentic story.

So before you begin writing, consider a few critical questions to determine whether (and how) you should write your college essay about losing a loved one.

Questions to ask yourself before writing your college essay about death

As much as admissions officers are humans who care about your wellbeing, they also have criteria with which they must evaluate your personal statement. While they will empathize with your grief, at the end of the day, your essay still needs to hold its own against thousands of others.

Sometimes essays about death can do just that, poignantly and with heart. But other times, students aren’t ready. And that’s okay too.

Ask yourself the following questions and think honestly about your answers.

1. Are you really ready to think, write, and revise critically?

Grief can muddle your ideas into incomprehensible gray blobs. Your heightened sensitivity may also make the critical revision process exhausting.

But your college essay still has to shine with clarity and coherence .

It’s important that you ask yourself if you’re ready to do the detailed writing and editing that is required of personal statements.

2. Can you find a respectful balance that allows you to center yourself?

Students most frequently make the mistake of writing essays that center the person who has passed rather than themselves.

While a tribute to your loved one is a beautiful thing, your college essay has a major job to do. It needs to tell admissions officers about you.

For whatever reason, if you can’t bring the focus to yourself, you might consider writing about another topic.

3. Will you be able to process before and while writing? And if it’s not that hard to process, should you consider a different topic?

Writing is a powerful way to process tragedy. The very act can help you heal and find new direction. But the process can be intimate, and you may not want to share the information with strangers.

Your college essay also requires you to go beyond reflection to craft a thoughtful and organized essay.

So be sure that you’ve reached a point in your journey where you feel comfortable working through and writing about difficult emotions.

Alternatively, some students write about losing people who they weren’t close to and whose deaths didn’t significantly impact them. They do this solely because they think that writing about trauma helps you get into college, but it doesn’t. If you find that writing about your loss does not actually have a profound effect on your emotions, then there is likely a different essay topic awaiting you.

4. What should you do if you’ve decided you’re not ready to write your college essay about losing a loved one but still want the admissions committee to know?

You could consider how your story fits into any supplemental essays you’re writing. Or you can use the Common Application “Additional Information” section. Feel free to include whatever context you are comfortable sharing. This section can be a simple explanation and does not need to follow a specific format.

How you can write a college essay about losing a loved one

If you’ve decided that writing your college essay about losing a loved one is the right choice for you, then we have a few tips.

1. Determine what this topic should reveal about you to the admissions committee.

Begin your writing process by asking yourself what you want the admissions committee to learn about you from this story of loss.

2. Pinpoint specific examples, details, memories, or vignettes.

Root your narrative in specifics rather than generalities about you and your loved one to show, not tell your admissions officers why they were important to you.

3. End on a note of hope, resilience, or forward movement.

The reality is that even with a sad topic, you want your admissions officers to leave your essay thinking about you in a positive way so that they can picture you being an active member of their campus. Your personal statement should therefore conclude on some kind of hopeful or resilient note.

Be gracious about your limits. Write about your loss only if you feel ready and if you truly believe that it’s the story you need to tell admissions committees.

If you do choose to write your college essay about losing a loved one, then you should start early and leave plenty of extra time for writing and revision. What you’ve been through is surely difficult, so be gentle on yourself as you write and revise.

You can find more about writing your personal statement on our How to Write a College Essay post.

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The Incredible Power of a Cohesive College Application

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12 Common App Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

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A Death Overcome

Favorite Quote: "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"

I remember that dreadful day like it happened yesterday. The whole day seemed off in the first place, my close family members crowded around me in my room. The more my family members surrounded me, the more claustrophobic I felt. There were tears rolling down their cheeks like a waterfall. I already knew a swarm of bad news was coming my way. I just hoped that it wasn’t the news I was thinking of. I pray to God it’s not that dreadful news.     

“Your mom went to sleep,” my grandfather blurted out followed by the sobs of my family members including him.

It didn’t click at first, why were they telling me that she went to sleep? Sleep… sleep? She’s gone? Every tear cascaded down my flushed cheeks. I already knew this must have been the news, but it was so shocking to actually hear she’s gone. We all knew that she was going to leave this desolated planet soon; she’s been so sick, always in the hospital. My family tried to prepare me and my sister for this day to come, but we all know that’s it’s highly impossible to prepare children to lose their mother, the woman that carried them for 9 month and loved them for many more.     

We knew it was going to happen soon, a lady from the Hospice Center came to the house and told us about her illness. I didn’t want to believe her, I didn’t believe her. That’s my mom, I would never believe my mom would die at such an early age. More tears flowed down my face as I thought about that day; I wish I would have believed her and spent much more time with my mother instead of running away from the problem at hand.

My grandmother got rid of my heart broken family members and picked out my clothes for me; she knew I did not feel like picking out any at the moment. Everyone was silent as they walked out of my chilly room, giving me enough time to get dressed before they came back to check up on me. We walked out in unison to the cars to see my momma one last time.     

As we pulled up to the Hospice Center, goosebumps appeared all over my body, I never imagined I would have to say goodbye to my mom this early. I’m only 15, just 15. The lady at the front desk didn’t ask questions, she just led us to her room, already knowing who we came to see. Every step I took, my heart beat sped up. Anticipation swelled up in my body ready to explode. We sat outside of my mother’s door for a good two minutes before the lady from the front desk slowly opened the door.     

There she lay in her bed. The bed was raised slightly to preserve her body for us to be able to see her body for the last time. My knees started to weaken as everyone strolled into her room. I stood from afar, observing what used to be my mother. I watched my grandmother struggle to get her eyes close, but the rigor mortis had set in already. Their nurses were so kind to fold her hands. She looked like she was at peace, she was at peace. I could already feel the tears flowing down my face as I walked in and placed my warm hand on her chilled empty body. Her face seemed like she was at finally at ease. Her eyes slightly open and mouth hanging down like she normally slept. She had on her favorite blue gown, I could already sense she was happy because of that blue gown. Her nails were perfectly done, like she always had them. She would always have her nails done in case she meets a “hot doctor”. All memories of her started flooding back into my head. Every movie, every trip to Disney and Sea World. Even when my family found out how sick she was. My body aches for her to still be here, but she’s with the Lord now. She needed to be with Him. He’s the only one that can heal her, even if that means taking her away from everyone that loves and cares about her.     

Everyone prayed over her as I held my sister, who was shedding buckets of tears. I knew this is just as hard for her. We both cried over our mother, who we know is still in our hearts. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore. She was hurting so much while on Earth and we couldn’t stop her pain, only God could.     

It is difficult to deal with the loss of a parent. It’s worse when you have to go through it at a young age, but eventually we come to deal with it. I still have my moments where I miss the sound of her voice. I’ll start to cry about not having my mom around when a lot of people; have their moms, but I can’t keep wishing for her to come back. She’s happier and healthier than ever. There was nothing we could do here on Earth.

Even if you prepare for someone’s death, you’re never really prepared for it, God will take people at any moment. You just have to know that life is not promised and continue to love on that person who’s dying until their very last day and every day after that. It hurts to know they’re gone, but overtime you will get over the pain and be able to celebrate the good times you and that loved one had.      

The death of my mom changed my whole perspective on life and death. I weep for the people who die, but praise the people who God let walk on this Earth. After losing my mom, I respect and love everyone how I want to be loved and respected because you never know what pain they have going on in their lives. It was a struggle to get to this point, but I’m glad God gave me the strength to overcome this dreadful experience and helped me find the lesson within it.

I was inspired to write this piece for everyone who has gone through pain like this. It's hard to cope with the death of a parent or guardian, it's even harder to find the lesson behind that gruesome event. I hope people will understand that you shouldn't take you family for granted because you never know when something will take them away forever. Love and appreciate the people who take care of you.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Parents — The Loss Of Parents as the Biggest Fear in Life

My Greatest Fear is Losing My Family

• Categories: Fear Parents

About this sample

Words: 501 |

Published: Jun 6, 2019

Words: 501 | Page: 1 | 3 min read

Works Cited

• Amato, P. R. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(3), 355-370.
• Anderson, A., & Sabatelli, R. M. (2006). Parent-Child Relationships in Single-Parent Families: Implications for School Counselors. Journal of School Counseling, 4(30), 1-31.
• Cherlin, A. J. (2009). The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today. Vintage.
• Grych, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (1992). Marital Conflict and Children's Adjustment: A Cognitive-Contextual Framework. Psychological Bulletin, 111(2), 267-290.
• Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-362.
• Lansford, J. E. (2009). Parental Divorce and Children's Adjustment. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(2), 140-152.
• McLanahan, S., & Sandefur, G. (1994). Growing Up with a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps. Harvard University Press.
• Sandler, I. N., Miles, J., Cookston, J. T., & Braver, S. L. (2008). Effects of father and mother parenting on children's mental health in high- and low-conflict divorces. Family Court Review, 46(2), 282-296.
• Sun, Y., Li, Y., & Wang, Y. (2021). Parental divorce and children's mental health: A meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 35(5), 501-512.
• Wallerstein, J. S., Lewis, J. M., & Blakeslee, S. (2000). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study. Hyperion.

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Articles & Advice > College Admission > Blog

How to Approach Tragedy and Loss in Your College Essay

You may feel compelled to write about a difficult subject for your college essay. Here are some tips to write about hard topics with respect and impact.

by Keaghan Turner, PhD Partner, Turner+Turner College Consulting

Last Updated: Mar 16, 2023

Originally Posted: Aug 5, 2019

Tragedy and loss are not easy subjects to broach in writing at all, let alone very public writing that someone else will read or hear spoken. Writing about tragedy and loss certainly won’t be for everyone, so make sure you give it some real thought before you try to dive in and put your jumbled, high-emotion thoughts to page. But if a difficult topic is the one that compels you to write a great admission essay, then it can be done—as long as it’s done the right way. Before we explore the key elements to writing about traumatic experiences the right way, here’s some perspective through a personal story of loss.

The struggles with writing about loss

One spring, there was a rash of suicide attempts at a local high school in my community. Two of them were successful; others were not. The first time I wrote about this loss was for a memorial service. This is the second time. It’ll never be “easy” to write about, just as what happened will never make sense to anyone who knew the victims. How can we use words for trauma and grief in order to make sense of what doesn’t make sense?

One student, in a mature spirit of activism, wrote an open letter to the school district office, which was posted and reposted all over social media until there was a school assembly featuring officials, professionals, and faith leaders open to the whole community. The Parent Teacher Organization gave out green ribbons to raise awareness about depression and other mental illnesses . Most immediately for the teens in my town, the words appeared via social media posts. That was how the students wrote about their loss in the weeks following the first (then six weeks later, the second) tragedy. Some students will write about it for their college essays, and they’ll need help. It’ll be important to them to do a good job, to honor the memories of their friends who passed away, to get it “right.”

To say the least, people had mixed feelings about these posts and reposts; about what should be discussed and how; and how to protect the grieving families from more suffering. It’s a small community, and these were shockingly sad events. The fact is, these tragedies have already fundamentally redefined the high school experience of the students in my town. The ripples might be subtle or pronounced, but they exist. Peers will mark time using these losses (midterms happened  before , prom happened  after ), and the experience will not be forgotten; it’s now part of their life stories.

Related:  Mental Health: What Is It and How You Can Find Help

How to tackle writing about tragedy the right way

Difficult topics can ( and should) be broached in admission essays because they are a part of life that can’t be ignored and often play a huge part in defining who we are as people. What I told those students about handling loss with their words is summed up below, and it also applies to writers tackling any kind of special need, medical condition, or family struggle in their college essay.

Be honest and straightforward

You don’t need to have been super close to a tragedy to be affected by it or to write about it effectively. But don’t pretend you were affected in a way you weren’t; you’ll come across as phony. If you’re moved to write about a painful event, there’s a genuine reason behind that impulse. That reason is good enough; figure out what it is. That being said, powerful life events require quick-hitting, direct sentences. Be like Hemingway, my professors used to say—keep your sentences short; they have more punch that way. You don’t need lots of flowery or figurative language to convey that your subject is a big deal—but at the same time, do make sure you’re showing, not telling, in your writing . Connecting emotionally is about expressing that time through actions and events, not just thoughts and feelings.

Find your message with the right words

Superfluous language gets in the way of gravity. Be ready to prune drafts until you feel you’ve found the right semantic fit for the intention behind your words. Your essay also needs a theme, a call, a purpose. The point isn’t simply to narrate a sad story in order to show the reader how sad it is (e.g., your essay’s message is not that teen suicide is tragic); rather, the point is to connect the sad story to the essay prompt you've chosen to address. The event itself essentially takes a backseat to the points you want to make about what it  means .

Be respectful

This is really the one ultimate rule, and if you do this, the other stuff can be worked out. In the context of the college essay, respect usually involves approaching your subject matter somewhat anonymously. Names aren’t necessary. If you’re engaging a serious, painful topic—and it involves others—be careful to write as circumspectly and thoughtfully as you can. When in doubt, ask someone whose judgment you trust (like a teacher or parent) to check it out for you.

Seek help for you or others

Is it easy to write about hard realities? Not at all—not in any context, not for anyone. But if you’re brave enough to try, you may find it to be transformative and therapeutic to articulate your experience as you process your grief and begin to heal. And the most important thing to remember is to take those emotions and experiences and use them to help others in the future before other tragedies strike. Writing about these situations can often shed light and inspire others to help people in need, which in the end is more crucial than anything else. If you have been affected by tragedy or are worried about a friend who is struggling, help is available. Contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  800-273-8255 or a trusted adult.

For more advice on college essays, check out our Application Essay Clinic , or if you’re in need of mental health advice, check out the tag “mental health.”

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About Keaghan Turner, PhD

Keaghan Turner, PhD, is Assistant Professor of Digital Writing and Humanistic Studies at Coastal Carolina University . She has taught writing and literature at small liberal arts colleges and state flagship universities for the past 20 years. As a managing partner of Turner+Turner College Consulting, LLC, Dr. Turner also counsels high school students on all aspects of their college admission portfolios, leads writing workshops, and generally tries to encourage students to believe in the power of their own writing voices. You can contact Dr. Turner on Instagram @consultingprofessors or by email at  [email protected] . 

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College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one

Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.

Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.

As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.

The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.

My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.

The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.

The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.

I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.

The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.

During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.

Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.

After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.

My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.

Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.

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The New York Times

The choice | when a college student loses a parent, when a college student loses a parent.

Here at The Choice , we’ve been deeply moved by the intensely personal stories submitted by readers in response to Ann Derry’s essay this week about how her college-age daughter coped with the death of her father.

At the least, the more than four dozen dispatches submitted thus far put the process of applying to college — which parents and students alike can sometimes regard as life or death — in much-needed perspective. The stories, particularly those on obstacles long since overcome, are inspiring.

We particularly want to draw your attention to those that described a faculty member, counselor or roommate who rose to the occasion on behalf of a grieving student.

There was this one , for example, from Susan Shwartz:

I will never forget the kindness and consideration that Mount Holyoke College showed me. From getting me on the plane to keeping in touch with me while I was home sitting shivah , they could not have been more compassionate. Each of my faculty members hand-wrote a note of condolence to my mother and me, expressing sympathy and telling me to take as long as I needed in coming back and picking up the responsibilities of my studies. As a result, I was able to return promptly and finish the semester with high grades and renewed respect for my college. Forty years later, I still remember.

Another commenter wrote:

One month before returning to college for my senior year, my aunt, who had been my guardian since both my parents had died 10 years before, died at our home. It was the morning after I had returned from a trip to Europe with my college’s glee club. Sudden and unexpected, yes, indeed. Perhaps because I was a reticent child by nature, I never inquired about support services at school. Then again, this was 1973; I’m not sure such a thing existed. But, I had an extraordinary group of friends waiting for me when I returned to college — we all lived together in a house — and them I did tell.

The writer, who signed this dispatch “CB in Augusta,” added: “The human capacity to cope is astounding. That is what ultimately saves us.”

Then there was this one , which landed just this morning:

My name is Andrea Tanco, I am 18 years old and I am from Mexico. In 2008, I was granted a scholarship to study in the United World College of Hong Kong. It was the first time I was traveling out of the country. Not to mention, that I was only 16 years old and I was moving to the other side of the world without my parents. The day of departure came, and as I approached the departure gate to board my plane, tears came down my face. I turned to my parents and my dad laughed and yelled, ‘Don’t cry, I’ll see you soon!.’ I boarded my flight thinking that I was going to see my father over Christmas break. The morning I woke up in Hong Kong, my father was gone – killed in a car accident. Reading your note drove me back to the day my father passed away.

Over the summer, I interviewed W. Houston Dougharty, vice president for student affairs at Grinnell College in Iowa, for an article in Education Life about the transition from home to college. Mr. Dougharty, who has counseled more than a few grieving college students, submitted a comment on Thursday that responded to Ms. Derry’s description of the good care her daughter Emma had received at the University of California, Berkeley.

Mr. Dougharty wrote, in part:

I’m so thrilled (and not at all surprised) to hear that Emma’s faculty were so understanding and accommodating. So often students and their families forget that those of us who work on college campuses are dedicated to the growth and support of the whole student, including in times of emergency and sorrow. Those of us who work in student affairs — on campuses large (like the U.C.s) and small (like here at Grinnell) — are always eager and trained to be of assistance — as counselors, residence life professionals, academic advisers, deans or even security officers who can help students get to the train, bus or plane.

I’ll reserve the last word for Ms. Derry:

Emma and I have read every post and we’re so impressed that people have taken the time and care to tell their own very personal stories. It’s been overwhelming and extremely gratifying — and helpful — to receive such a heartfelt response.

If you’d like to keep this conversation going, you may submit a comment on the original discussion thread , or using the box below .

Comments are no longer being accepted.

My father died a month after I started Cornell University in 1965. Nobody even told me he way dying until a week before because “they were afraid i wouldn’t go to college.” Supposedly even my father didn’t know–but I suspect he did. Well a quick flight, off for a week, scrambled to get notes from classes, struggled to pass a couple of tests, almost flunked out my second year. No support, no nothing. Seems I haven’t quite yet even sorted this out–but it’s not really something I think about much. The article brings it back up though.

Then there was the teacher when I was in grad school at the University of Iowa in 1972, who — when I told her I had to fly east for a family funeral — said, well, I was going to miss a test, and I’d just have to fail it. I said, “Just try that, and I’ll appeal this all the way up to the university president. ” She backed off.

I lost my father suddenly three weeks before I was supposed to return for my junior year.

I don’t remember much in the way of university support – but they may not have really known either since it happened over the summer and September is such a madhouse.

I had a long-term girlfriend at college and a very close family and a lot of faith – so I kept it together.

But now that I’ve worked in college for 15 years – I see it very differently. When you leave for college – your relationship with your parents often goes through a removed transition phase – it’s not high school, but you’re not an independent adult either. And you don’t see them nearly as much as when you were home.

When I look at students who lose a parent now, and my own experience, I realize we missed the chance to get to know our Dads as an adult. And he missed seeing how I had changed when I moved back home.

The interruption to the relationship that college necessitates becomes permanent – frozen in time.

It’s a very odd, and I think generally rare experience. Lots of kids lose their parents while they live at home, and nearly everyone loses a parent as an adult – but losing them in College is it’s own strange journey.

My nephew lost his sister 22 years ago today, (yes 12/3/1988) under extremely tragic circumstances. He was studying for his Ph.D. qualifying exams at Columbia University. He asked for time to travel overseas (where his family lived at the time). The administrators and his adviser told him he could go but that if he did not sit for the exam they would still count it as one try (in those days they were given 2 tries before they had to withdraw from the Ph.D. program). The heartlessness of the university was beyond us and still is. He never did finish his Ph.D. but he is doing well in his career. The adviser who did not support him one bit (because he was trying to get tenure at Columbia)? …the last my nephew heard he was teaching in some small college in NY i.e. he did not get tenure.

So with all due respect, in response to the person from Grinnell, no, not all administrators think the way you now do. My nephew experienced a heartlessness that is not shown or depicted on any of the brilliant, glossy catalogs and photos of Columbia. Shame on them. And if President Bollinger happens to read this, hopefully you can change things (if they have not been changed already).

Just after the start of my junior year at Adelphi University my mother passed away. She was a single parent, raising my brother and myself. She worked at Adelphi and because of that I benefited from tuition remission. This was how I was able to go to college without having to work full time or to take out massive loans.

The support from my professors and the administration was amazing. I was able to keep the tuition remission for the rest of my time at Adelphi and it was also extended to my brother. He also attended Adelphi and graduated.

It was so wonderful to have such a support group. Professors wee so understanding and cut me slack, but kept in contact and urged me to complete my work and encouraged me to work through my grief, but to also remember my own goals.

The administration reached out, many members came to my mom’s wake and the president even came to the funeral for a few moments to show his support.

We often forget that a college is more than it’s basketball or football team or a place to earn a degree, but a community at the most basic level that looks out for its members and supports those who needed it.

From the perspective of someone who works with college students and who has a college prof husband, father-in-law, and a mother-in-law who has some college prof experience:

Tell your professors what happened!!!! Do not keep them in the dark!!! Please, please, if it so happens that your grades start to slip a semester AFTER your parent(s) or other close relatives died, please still tell your professor! Figure yourself out and do not ruin your grades. It is absolutely fine to take a semester or even a year completely off. Deal with what you have to deal with. Take some time. Then come back and finish with flying colors. Don’t start taking drugs, drinking too much, or get pregnant. Share with us, your in loco parentis, what happened and we can help you. Stay mum and we will give you an F. Withdraw, go pass/fail, take a lighter load, do what you have to do. We are there for you, but only if you allow us to be. A close friend of mine lost her mom to cancer before she started at college freshman year. She struggled through the 2nd semester as practically a transfer student (a way of segregating those who need to not be segregated). Then sophomore year she completely tanked, dropped out, got pregnant, and never went back. She’s happy now but she was completely blinded by grief. I could do so little to help her, even when she went missing for about three days, twice. My mom lost her dad during her sophomore year and was much the same. Luckily it was the early 1970s when college grades were not as critical on resumes. But she was so messed up. This is part of life. It happens all the time, and college-age kids with parents in their early 60s are going to see it more and more because the late 50s-early 70s is when cancer strikes.

My brother committed suicide while I was in college. I missed a lot of class when I came back, mostly for therapy sessions. Coming back was at the time essential to keeping a grip on my life, so I’m glad I didn’t take a semester off. The administration knew, whoever that includes – they referred me to my therapist – but if there were better options for me or other arrangements (P/F option, for example) I wasn’t made aware of them. And I wasn’t really in a state of mind to be proactively looking out for my GPA (college administrators, keep this in mind when dealing with grieving students – they may need some graceful nudging to take certain safeguards). Friends talked about it for a couple of weeks and then life (for them) went back to normal. Worst grades of my college career, which definitely impacted my plans later. This is an important point, I think – it’s not just college administrators who should be more sympathetic, but grad school admissions boards that are pressured to keep rankings, which are dependent in part on admitting high-GPA students, up. They “welcomed” explanations, I gave them one, but I can’t say whether it really made a difference. I still graduated with honors from college, but given other aspects of my applications (aced standardized tests, interesting work experience, etc.) I can’t help but think that low grades that one year is what hurt me w/r/t several schools.

My father, 41, died in my spring semester of my junior year of college. I was only taking two courses at the time but both professors were extremely understanding and compassionate and helped me get caught up with work when I was able to come back.

The problem I have had since coming back (he died in May 2009) is with my peers and in class. It’s always awkward when you have lost a parent and people ask about your parents (not knowing obviously). It is even harder when professors do an in class assignment where everyone goes around the room stating what their parents do and their level of education. Obviously the professor’s intent was not to hurt me in any way, but it is hard to participate in classes when you know the subject might come up.

My mother missed my graduation from college and died 3 weeks later. The only teacher I told during that difficult last semester of my senior year when she was undergoing surgery and follow up care, was a graduate professor I had for a seminar in my major. Fortunately he was very kind and understanding. I never even considered sharing my news with anyone but my friends so there is no way to know if the administration would have been supportive if given a chance.

I was a senior at Randolph-Macon Woman’s College in 1973 when my father died suddenly from a heart attack. It was October and we were just about 5-6 weeks into the fall semester. I disappeared for a week but, when I returned, I was so grateful for all of the support I received. The support of the faculty was, for me, even greater than that of my student friends. I was invited to homes for dinner, to apple-picking outings, and felt very much a part of a loving community.

I had a similar tale to David’s. My mother was diagnosed with brain cancer in my senior year of high school. I am not generally one to talk about private things (at least other people’s struggles) or make excuses for myself.. and so kept much of this to myself. When I went off to college, only a few friends knew and I doubt my faculty knew anything either. Once at school, I felt simultaneously free, from my parent’s strict rules and my mother’s cancer; and yet depressed and self-destructive. I also ended up extremely sick with mononucleosis my freshman year at college, which ended up with a side-dish of an extremely resistent strep infection and a liver infection. Then, Thanksgiving break my mother died. Needless to say, while only visibily sullen about it, I was a complete wreck. What damage had been done by my partying and illness was then compounded with an almost inpenetrable depression. I remember finally (after being almost forced by friends and advisors) went to talk to my professors. I distinctly remember one professor (who honestly almost ruined american literature for me, and so was not a favourite anyway) telling me that it seemed to him that I was simply trying to make excuses for ultimately being lazy…. REALLY? Well, I ended up withdrawing for the semester after that comment rather than trying to make-up my missed assignments. But I remember feeling very alone, disappointed, and like a failure. It was as if after finally acheiving a dream, my hopes were being dashed against the cliffs – My mantra became: “I was not count out for college. I should have been stronger. I failed my mother by not being there, and failed her again my flunking out of college.”

Where was my administration? Where was the mandatory counseling?

Ultimately, it’s not entirely the university’s fault for allowing me to literally slip through the cracks. But I do believe that it delayed and hampered my ability to complete college (which I eventually did, but after my confidence was undermined so completely my first few attempts back at school ended horribly) and to ultimately mourn my mother’s death. That’s a shame.

I can only hope that my children never have to experience this.

I graduated college in June of 1979 and one week later headed to Washington D.C. to interview for a job with an organization associated with Ralph Nader. My friend and I drove from New York, stayed in a hostel, toured the City and surrounding area, and returned home a week later never having called once. We were so grown-up we didn’t have to check in with our parents. I hadn’t even given them a single detail in advance.

When I drove up to my parents’ home after the trip there were cars parked all over. I walked in to discover my extended family was there following my father’s funeral and burial. He had died in a fire a day or two into my trip and no one could get in touch with me.

My father and I were not close at all and I pretended not to grieve but right now I have a lump in my throat.

It’s hard to imagine any worse time to lose a parent

My father died the July after my freshman year of cancer, but I dealt with him dying the year leading up to then. He spent the majority of his last year in and out of ICU’s.

In the spring, he fell and fractured his school the week I took my midterms. I found out as I was running to take one, and my professor just told me, “You’re dad will be fine, he would want you to be here.” Luckily, he recovered from it, despite the slim odds. My biggest fear that week, aside from his injury, was Will he remember me? My family would call me from the hospital telling me about his mental state, but I was stuck away at school because that same professor was not letting me makeup my midterm for another class I had with her.

That semester, my grades suffered, resulting in the loss of my academic scholarship. I ran into that professor the next fall, and she stopped me and asked me why I slacked off in her classes, and what I did with my summer. I told her, “I spent my summer in the hospital, until my father died in July.”

By the end of August, I had found a new apt, and I was back at school. I moved two states away from my family, and I had to deal with trying to pull perfect grades to avoid being dismissed from school, and I had to deal with my father’s death alone. I had no friends because I had to work to make up for the loss of my scholarship. I would go to classes, then I would go home and cry. I could no longer call my dad and tell him the witty thing my professor said, or about my 10 page research assignment.

By November, I had to take a medical leave. I could no longer take grieving by myself, working 30 hours, and trying to get straight A’s.

I’m so impressed by UC Berkeley’s response. Emma is very lucky. Two months into the second semester of my freshman year at Smith College in 2002, my sister committed suicide. It was indeed shocking and sudden, and what made her death even harder for me was the reaction of the college. Smith provided zero support, despite the fact that the administration had promised me and my parents that they would work with my professors to ensure that my return from her funeral a week later would be smooth.

My professors were not helpful, nor did the administration ever contact me to see how I was faring after such a life-changing event. In fact, one of my professors refused to let me make up a calculus quiz saying that she assumed it was just a “grandmother or distant relative” who had passed and therefore I should not have taken a week off school, despite the fact that I lived nearly across the country from the school. I was too shocked and sad to correct this professor’s astounding assumption. After all, many people have extremely close relationships with grandparents and distant relatives..

The way Smith handled my situation drove me to transfer. Writing this also made me realize how angry I still am with Smith, even nearly ten years later. I hope they have not treated subsequent students so poorly in these kinds of circumstances.

My grandfather died when I was a grad student. I went home for the funeral, and came back to take a midterm in American Social History. I did a fabulous job on two of the three questions, but totally blanked on the third. I would have failed that exam, but the teacher gave me an A because he understood what happened. Thanks again, Jim Kettlewell of UVA.

I attended a Catholic college outside of Burlington, VT. My mother, who had been ill since my freshman year, died during my junior year (1984). The school sent two priests to Connecticut to stand on the altar with our parish priest at her funeral. They never spoke to me that day or any other day after my return. They did make a point of requesting donations from my father, never ceasing to remind him that they were “there for your family in your time of need.” While I didn’t seek any help from the school, none was offered. When I went to my advisor to talk about making up the work I had missed in my 2 weeks off, he said, “Oh that’s right, your mother died. Well, she was sick anyway, wasn’t she?” And this all came from a supposedly close-knit, supportive school with only 2,500 students. I have never forgotten, nor have I ever sent them a dime. I am now recovering from treatment for the same cancer that took my mother. My daughter will be leaving for college in the fall, so I look very carefully at the support offered in each community she considers.

I guess I can sympathize, and share some insight on the grieving process in college:

Some background-I’m a junior in a large state-run university on the east coast. I had become engaged to my boyfriend of a year in mid-spring. We grew somewhat distant while I was in Europe working for the summer.

His substance abuse issues had crept up again; he wasn’t taking his bipolar medication. While he was away packing up his temporary apartment on the west coast we got into a fight over the phone. I fell asleep, and the next morning I was awakened by a phone call. He had jumped off a bridge.

The cost to me had been, well, enormous. As his entire family had disowned him at the age of 15 I was really all he had left. Taking the cross-country flight to plan the memorial service, I’ll never forget it, I was in such shock still that the TSA suspected me of being a drug courier.

The memorial service was just me. On a temporary work assignment, my fiance had not made any good friends while away. A cool pacific breeze ran over the small overlook I had chosen. It was our spot. Burning, streaming tears did little to the salinity of the pacific as his ashes flowed into the sea. It was what he would have wanted.

And where am I? Still tumbling and lost. Due to my time away from school I’ve missed large amounts of coursework and have had to drop to a part-time student. I’m even unable to use my main coping mechanism, my parents. They don’t approve of “any of that stuff”. I’ve been lucky to have a few close friends to lean on. I know the future still will be bright, but for now it’s a grind. Fixing my education. Finishing. Finding employment. And then, who knows….maybe even happiness?

Sadly, so many college students lie about deaths in their families that I started asking for the printed obituaries plus copies of airline tickets as proof. I even had a student lie about a stepmother dying on 9/11. Found out later he simply wanted some beach time for a week or two. (I did report this to admin and he was expelled.)

But I remember plenty of students who, if you added up the numbers of grandparents who died in a semester, would seem to have been products of prodigious polygamists.

In the late winter of 1945, I was a 7-year-old second grader at a Catholic boarding school in New York state when my wonderful young dad, an American military officer, was killed in World War II. My mom and grandparents did tell the school, but they asked the school not to tell my brother or me, because they wanted to break the news to us as gently as possible when we came home from school for Easter vacation in the spring. I was walking with classmates to chapel before supper when a nun called me out of the line and told me my dad had died. She had no sympathy or humanity in her voice or expression at all, and in fact she seemed to take pleasure in what she referred to as “her God-given duty” in violating the trust our family had placed in the school, and in the devastating effect her cruelty had on a young child. Emotional support in a 1940s Catholic boarding school? Not a chance. It’s always devastating for anyone to lose a parent at any age. When a college student loses a parent, I hope she or he will get all the emotional support necessary from family, classmates, professors, other college personnel, spiritual advisers, and other trusted and caring people. No one should ever have to deal with such a wrenching loss alone.

Academic potential aside, it appears that as long as a college student does not break off a relationship, lose a loved one, suffer a serious illness, experience a criminal action, vehicular accident or any other unforeseen tragedy or unexpected occurrence, then all will be well. Somehow, I don’t find this comforting; for how many people are so lucky as to avoid the hardship that is part of the human condition? Perhaps more than setting up support systems for the unexpected, we should question an academic institution’s willingness to align success with avoiding life.

During the depths of winter, and my junior year abroad in Germany, my father took his own life. Very uncharacteristically (we had made a pact to write letters, since phone calls were costly), he called me the night beforehand to chat. I was so stressed about the cost of the call and preparing for some final exams the next day that I tried to keep the call short. If only I had known what was to come.

I had to learn quickly how to explain to the university faculty (regarded as gods in Germany) there that even though final exams loomed that week, I was going home. How strange it all sounded, using words I never thought I would need to use, especially in another language.

And it was my friends there, foreign exchange students all, who stopped whatever it was they were doing and helped me find a cheap airfare, drive in a packed, borrowed Fiat to the airport two countries away, shop on a student budget for something appropriate to wear to the memorial service, and more. Friends at my home institution were in touch with kind words when they heard, but no adviser or staff members or faculty. My closest friend even made sure I had off-campus housing for senior year, something I couldn’t begin to figure out at the time.

When I eventually returned to resume my studies in Germany and take those finals (late), I had mixed success. There was zero counsel or recognition from officials there, a major difference in the types of support services that U.S. students have available to them today.

And I echo the words of one commenter who noted that she is keeping an eye out for such things as her own child is searching for a college to attend today.

Things do fall apart sometimes, and the people who help you through hard times or at least acknowledge your loss are the people we treasure and try to honor.

My parents had died by the time I entered college full time in 1968, leaving six children. Mom died when we were between 3 and 12 years old; Dad, when we were ages 12 to 21.

So by 1968, I already had been, for a year, the head of a household of four teenagers, including myself, who were all underage. I was 20. Besides attending classes full time, I worked 30 hours a week and tended to my siblings’ homework, dates, chores. We looked after each other, though.

Near the end of my sophomore year, I almost quit school from fatigue. Dr. James Julian, my foremost friend and professor of journalism from San Diego State University, came to my rescue, finding me a $200 scholarship from Sigma Delta Chi, to finish the semester without working. I went on to become a newspaper reporter and to earn a master’s.

I never conquered the shock and loneliness of the years after we were orphaned. But college — the intensity of my studies and the delight at being there — softened the blows.

An uncle and aunt who became our guardians rescued us shortly before my dad’s death from an evil stepmother, and literally, a few hundred people at one time or another protected us from harm. We grew up well.

as someone who can relate to all of these stories posted here, I too have been very astute about finding the right support systems while searching for schools for my daughter….

I attended a SUNY flagship in the 1970’s when my dad suddenly passed away….my professors could not have been any ruder; one even had the nerve to say to me., ” people die all the time; why should I make an exception for you?”

I survived, but the lack of a support system back then has followed me and formed my personality in more ways than I care to acknowledge….

Thank you to all the folks who shared their stories. This was a very moving post as well as reader responses.

As a former college professor, I do want to add the perspective that it is a bizarre and twisted fact that many students lie about the deaths of their relatives – usually, for some reason, a funeral for a grandmother.

This may explain some of the callous responses the grieving posters suffered (not excuse). In the case of the grandmothers’ ‘funerals’, we know they’re lying but not which one (unless we check), because every single semester, when it comes close to a test or assignment, we get four or five students who sadly come up and say their grandmother just died and they need to go to her funeral. They obviously think it’s some sort of unique lie and that no one else would think of it. I too, like a previous poster, even had a student claim she lost a loved one in 911 – a brother in the military in DC, she said. We checked, because this was big, and she had completely lied. It was disgusting. Even the students were appalled (she had announced it in front of the class).

So this small minority of students really ruin it for other students—again, this is probably why some professors reacted callously. If you don’t watch yourself, after several semesters of being kind to what you thought were grieving students and then finding out you were a sucker and the lie was appalling and heartless, you start to treat everyone with suspicion, particularly if the announcement comes right before a major assignment. And again this doesn’t excuse their callous reaction, only explain it. Ultimately I treated each person as an individual precisely because I knew some were telling the truth. But if the college requires proof of the tragedy, that would be why.

What's Next

Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

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Girl’s Harvard admission essay about losing a parent goes viral

High-school senior got into the prestigious university the same year it announced its lowest-ever acceptance rate, article bookmarked.

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A high school senior has gone viral for sharing the college admissions essay about losing a parent to cancer that got her accepted into Harvard University.

Abigail Mack is an 18-year-old high school senior whose essay went viral on video-sharing platform TikTok, according to Buzzfeed , which first reported the news.

The essay from the future member of the class of 2025 is a clever and heartfelt riff on going from a life of two parents to one with a single parent, and it returns to that subtle spelling difference, just the letter “s” to make its larger point.

“As I write this essay, there is a blue line under the word ‘parent’ telling me to check my grammar; even Grammarly assumes that I should have parents, but cancer doesn’t listen to edit suggestions.” Ms Mack says in the TikTok video .

The story continues with a discussion about how the young student filled her life with a number of extra-curricular activities to cope with the loss.

“Any spare time that I had, I filled. I would be known as the ‘busy kid,’ the one that everyone always asks, ‘How do you have time?’”

Eventually, however, this pursuit led Ms Mack to a deeper set of interests like politics and art, and she concludes by writing she “began chasing a double ‘s’: passion.”

Perhaps even more impressive than the fact Ms Mack’s video was seen by 19 million people on TikTok, is the fact that she got into Harvard during its most competitive application season of all time .

During the pandemic, applications spiked 30 per cent over previous years, and the school accepted 1,968 out of 57,435 first-year applicants, less than 4 per cent. Facing such a deluge of potential students, the school delayed its application decision for a week.

“These applicants have faced and overcome unprecedented challenges over the past year,” dean of admissions and financial aid William R Fitzsimmons wrote in a statement at the time. “Their applications and personal stories revealed a window into their resilience, their intellectual curiosity, and their many positive contributions to family, school, and community. They are truly inspiring.”

Ms Mack, according to other TikTok videos, is from Brockton, Massachusetts, and performed in professional theatre productions, volunteered with senator Ed Markey and president Joe Biden’s presidential campaign, and teaches young people dance at her family’s dance studio. She was valedictorian of her high school class.

She regularly posts college admissions advice videos on her TikTok, and has nearly 100,000 followers.

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College essay topic- losing a loved one Answered

Is it a good idea to write about losing a loved one. That event really impacted me, and changed me as a person. Should I write about it ? I feel confused about how to structure my essay

Earn karma by helping others:

Hi! This is a great question!

You can certainly write about losing a loved one and how it changed you. But I have to warn you about one thing. College essays are meant for you to reveal an aspect of you that the admission officers can't see from your academics. I am saying this because a lot of students will write an essay about losing a loved one but instead of reflecting on how it impacted them, they just end up writing a biography of the person itself. Colleges don't want a person's biography; they want to know more about you. So, in your essay, you can briefly talk about the death of the loved one but quickly transition into a reflection of how that event has changed you. Make sure to include specific feelings, thoughts, and anecdotes in your essay to make it come alive.

I am sorry for your loss and good luck with your essay!

Thank you for the sweet message. That's actually very thoughtful. Sometimes we get diverted from the main topic, I will keep that advice in mind

Your welcome!! I also want to say that colleges receive a lots of these types of essays about the death of a loved one. I want emphasize here again the importance of using personal stories, thoughts, etc to make this essay unique and personal to you. Avoid using general sentences and diction. Good luck!

Yes thank you, will keep that in mind. Are you in clg ?

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Is it OK to Write about Death in Your College Application Essay?

Written by Elyse Krantz on October 6th, 2016

• how to write a personal statement ,
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• Did the essay successfully demonstrate the student’s personal qualities and characteristics?
• Was the essay a powerful and genuine expression of who the student is and what his passions are?
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Getting Lost—and Found—in Personal Narrative

The ways of getting lost are no doubt infinite, but here are three, with prompts, that provide ample exploration in personal narrative:

Lost in a New Place

In her essay, “Typical First Year Professor” from Bad Feminist (Harper Perennial, 2014), Roxane Gay writes about moving to a small midwestern city to take her first full-time teaching job. She gets lost in her new building and must adapt and redefine herself in a setting very different from what she left behind:

I have an office I don’t have to share with two or four people. My name is on the engraved panel just outside my door. My name is spelled correctly. I have my own printer. The luxury of this cannot be overstated. I randomly print out a document; I sigh happily as the printer spits it out, warm. I have a phone with an extension, and when people call the number, they are often looking for me. There are a lot of shelves, but I like my books at home. In every movie I’ve ever seen about professors, there are books. I quickly unpack three boxes, detritus I accumulated in graduate school—sad drawer trash, books I’ll rarely open again—but I’m a professor now. I must have books on display in my office. It is an unspoken rule.

Gay’s arrival changes the landscape for her students, too. “Students don’t know what to make of me. I wear jeans and Converse. I have tattoos up and down my arms. I’m tall. I am not petite. I am the child of immigrants. Many of my students have never had a black teacher before. I can’t help them with that.” She clarifies that what’s unfamiliar to her students is not new to her. “I’m the only black professor in my department.” Although this aspect of her landscape is unchanged and unlikely to change, Gay acclimates to her new world and “finds” a transformed self in this new environment.

Think of a time when you started a new job or moved to a new place. List physical aspects of the setting that differed from where you’d been before. How did those differences represent who you were expected to be in the new place?

Bonus Prompt:

What physical traits such as attire, gender, body shape, mannerisms, skin color, ornamentation, did others see as unfamiliar? How did those differences affect your sense of belonging? What, if anything, helped you and others appreciate those differences?

Lost on the Way to a New Place

Sometimes we get lost travelling to a new place. In her essay, “Dear Mother,” from Dear Memory: Essays on Writing, Silence, and Grief (Milkweed Editions, 2021) , Victoria Chang contemplates her mother’s loss of homeland when, as a child, she relocated with her family from China to Taiwan. In epistle form, the narrator writes, “I would like to know if you took a train. If you walked. If you had pockets in your dress. If you wore pants. If your hand was in a fist, if you held a small stone.” Through Chang’s questions, we see the family’s exodus as disorienting, possibly frightening for a child, and how she might have carried something to remind her of home. “I would like to know if you thought the trees were black or green at night, if it was cold enough to see your breath, to sting your fingers. I would like to know who you spoke to along the way. If you had some preserved salty plums, which we both love, in your pocket.” The questions connect Chang with her mother but also reveal how the mother’s later move to the United States resulted in Chang’s lost connection with her extended family:

I would like to know where you got your food for the trip. Why I never knew your mother, father, or your siblings. I would like to have known your father. I would like to know what his voice sounded like. If it was brittle or pale. If it was blue or red. I would like to know the sound he made when he swallowed food. I would like to know if your mother was afraid.

Draft a letter to someone from your past whose journey entailed loss. This could be to a loved one who journeyed from life to death, or a relative sentenced to prison, or a friend who left home. Ask about what they saw, heard, smelled, ate, or carried.

In your letter, list the things you would like to know. Begin with physical details about the journey while allowing room for what you may have lost as a result of their departure.

Lost in a Familiar yet Changed Place

Sometimes we don’t go anywhere at all, but major life events make familiar places feel utterly foreign. In her essay, “ Still Life ” ( Brevity , Issue 62), Joanne Nelson writes of the last time she visited her brother Dale at his cabin:

A still life: barefoot, shirt but no pants, beer bottles and cigarettes and ashtray within reach. Even the smells suspended, unwashed, motionless. Piled mail. The place hazy with cigarette smoke.

Though the narrator cleans and cooks for her sick brother, no attempts to return the cabin to its previous state will return her brother to his previous state. She becomes “lost” in a space altered by illness, but the psychological act of getting lost occurs when the narrator becomes immersed in grief. Five years after his death, when a server calls out “Dale” in a diner, Nelson lists what’s missing, what she misses, what she’s lost:

I’d like to see him cross the foyer of rustling people-filled benches though, have him share in this Sunday morning buzzing energy. Hear him complain about the wait, feel his pockets for smokes, say “don’t give me that look” before stepping outside.

Write about a familiar place that felt altered after a major life event. Note the physical details—what’s new, missing, or altered—that demonstrate how the place, and therefore your life, has changed.

Bonus Prompt :

List odd, quirky, or everyday things you’d never have guessed you’d miss—things you might never see again but are, in their own way, happy reminders of what was special about that time. Alternatively, list things you’ll never miss. For example, stale hamburger buns, cracked lunch trays, and sitting alone in your high school cafeteria.

Jill McCabe Johnson is the author of the poetry collections  Revolutions We’d Hoped We’d Outgrown , shortlisted for Jane’s Stories Press Foundation’s Clara Johnson Award in Women’s Literature, and  Diary of the One Swelling Sea , winner of a Nautilus Silver Award in Poetry, plus the chapbooks  Pendulum  and  Borderlines . Jill is the founder of Wandering Aengus Press and teaches Creative Writing for Skagit Valley College. Recent works can be found in  Slate ,  Fourth Genre ,  Waxwing ,  The Brooklyn Review ,  Gulf Stream ,  Diode , and  terrain.org . You can read more at  JillMcCabeJohnson.com/writing .

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The Parent-Child Relationship in the College Years

Many parents stay enmeshed in their children’s emotional life in college, for better or worse.

This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning.

There’s a moment, toward the end of a parent’s trip to drop their child off at college, when it feels like the world is changing. Many describe the joy and loss that mingle in those five minutes walking back to the car. But some parents stay quite enmeshed in their child’s emotional life long after they leave campus. My colleague Faith Hill reported earlier this summer on the new age of endless parenting, and how parents stay in much closer touch with their college-age children than they did a few decades prior.

Before they say goodbye to their kids, many parents will give parting advice. But “usually,” Ezekiel J. Emmanuel wrote this week, that advice “will be wrong.” “When it comes to their children, parents are innately conservative,” Emmanuel writes. “They want them to be successful and to lead fulfilled and happy lives. To many parents, that means counseling them to pursue what seem like paths to guaranteed success.” But that conservatism doesn’t help students get the most out of their college experience, Emmanuel argues.

Today’s newsletter explores how the parent-child relationship changes during the college years, and how to help guide students through all that college brings.

The Worst Advice Parents Can Give First-Year Students

By Ezekiel J. Emanuel

Today’s college students will have ample time to figure out their careers. Before that, encourage them to take risks.

Read the article.

What the Freshman Class Needs to Read

By Niall Ferguson and Jacob Howland

It is no small part of a liberal education to show students the broad range of meaningful lives they might aspire to lead.

What I Learned About Life at My 30th College Reunion

By Deborah Copaken

“Every classmate who became a teacher or doctor seemed happy,” and 29 other lessons from seeing my Harvard class of 1988 all grown up

Still Curious?

• How college changes the parent-child relationship : The distance can actually strengthen the bond, Alia Wong wrote in 2019.
• The new age of endless parenting : More grown kids are in near-constant contact with their family. Some people call this a failure to launch—but there’s another way to look at it, Faith Hill writes.

Other Diversions

• Marijuana is too strong now.
• The growing gender divide, three minutes at a time
• The words people write on their skin

I recently asked readers to share a photo of something that sparks their sense of awe in the world.

“Here’s a picture from our backyard, after a summer shower last week,” Kristine S., 49, from Portland, Oregon, writes. “I noticed this raindrop-covered web among the cedar branches. Spider webs are one of those ‘everyday wonders’ that seem never to cease to amaze me!”

I’ll continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks. If you’d like to share, reply to this email with a photo and a short description so we can share your wonder with fellow readers in a future edition of this newsletter or on our website. Please include your name (initials are okay), age, and location. By doing so, you agree that The Atlantic has permission to publish your photo and publicly attribute the response to you, including your first name and last initial, age, and/or location that you share with your submission.

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