essay on my best friend in chinese

The Nuances and Depth of Friendship in Chinese Culture

Friendship holds great meaning in Chinese culture. Unlike Western notions of friendship that focus on shared interests and quality time together, the Chinese concept of friendship (友谊, yǒuyì) runs much deeper. Friendship in China is viewed as a lifelong bond infused with obligation, respect, loyalty and honor. There are even unique words in Chinese that depict different types of friends and levels of friendship that don’t have direct equivalents in English.

Table of Contents

The Importance of Guanxi – Personal Relationships

An essential element of Chinese culture that underlies their concept of friendship is guanxi (關系). Guanxi refers to the system of social networks, connections and relationships that Chinese people cultivate throughout their lives. It essentially means having personal access to resources and opportunities through one’s network of relationships.

Unlike Western cultures that focus more on the individual, China traditionally values collective, hierarchical relationships rooted in Confucian ethics. Guanxi emphasizes reciprocity, indebtedness, loyalty and obligation between people in order to function smoothly in society.

The type of guanxi developed with someone determines the expectations and responsibilities between the two parties. Family members, schoolmates, co-workers all have different guanxi dynamics. Friendship is one of the most valued types of guanxi bond in Chinese society.

Chinese Words for Different Types of Friends

The Chinese language reflects how the Chinese people conceptualize friendship and social relationships. There are unique vocabularies and characters that depict different types of friends and social circles:

朋友 (péngyǒu) – Friend

This is the most common, all-encompassing word used for a friend. It refers to someone you know well, get along with and trust. In Chinese culture, 朋友 connotes a close, loyal relationship and someone you rely on for the long term.

闺蜜/男闺蜜 (guīmì/nánguīmì) – Best friend

A 闺蜜 is a sworn best friend, almost like a sister. It originally referred to a female confidante but can also be used for very close male friendships (男闺蜜). This is someone you share your deepest secrets with and will be there for you through thick and thin.

老友 (lǎoyǒu) – Old friend

An old friend refers to someone you’ve known for a long time, perhaps from childhood or school days. The relationship is characterized by fond memories and nostalgia.

知己 (zhījǐ) – Kindred spirit

This refers to a like-minded friend who “gets” you and shares similar interests, values and outlook on life. It’s a deep spiritual connection.

交心之交 (jiāoxīn zhī jiāo) – Bosom friend

This exaggerates the intimacy of a friendship, similar to a bosom buddy or soulmate in English. It conveys unconditional trust and affection between two people.

工作伙伴/战友 (gōngzuò huǒbàn/zhànyǒu) – Colleague

Chinese also have nuanced ways of referring to professional friendships at work or school. 工作伙伴 are colleagues who cooperate together daily. 战友 emphasizes being allies under challenging circumstances.

Behavior Reflecting Close Bonds

Chinese culture places great importance on actions, not just words, for demonstrating the depth of a friendship. Certain behaviors characterize close friendships:

Favors and Exchanging Gifts

Friends readily do favors for one another and exchange gifts to cement their guanxi. The value of gifts or favors is usually reciprocal to the closeness of the relationship. Closer friends require more extravagant exchanges.

Addressing Each Other by Nicknames

Using intimate nicknames reflects informality between good friends. Only close friends would address each other with 老张 (Old Zhang) or 小王 (Little Wang) rather than formal names.

Speaking With Candid Honesty

Chinese people emphasize politeness and saving face in public. But with intimate friends, they unleash their unfiltered thoughts and feelings. Speaking recklessly signals trusting a friend to not judge.

Sharing Personal Problems

Confiding in someone about issues means you consider them highly trustworthy. Chinese people tend to share personal problems only with their innermost circle of confidantes.

Spending Time Together

Chinese friendships thrive on hanging out frequently, especially over mealtimes. Groups of friends eat together daily and bond during holidays and events. Quality face time nurtures friendship ties.

Loyalty and Obligation Between Friends

Unlike Western friendships that may come and go, Chinese expect friends to remain loyal for life. Friendship is heavily dictated by social rituals and mutual indebtedness.

Repaying Favors

Friends must repay any favor or gift received based on the context. Not reciprocating breaks trust and ruins the friendship. There is pressure to avoid owing anyone.

Saving Face for Friends

Chinese people are careful not to let friends lose social face or reputation. They’ll defend a friend’s honor and avoid publicly criticizing them. Supporting them even when privately disapproving shows loyalty.

Making Personal Sacrifices

True friends should make sacrifices when needed, whether lending money or connections. There’s an obligation to pool resources and help friends in hardship, even at personal cost.

Being Available When Called Upon

Friends make themselves available to socialize and assist whenever needed. Declining might signal disloyalty. Availability reflects willingness to maintain the friendship.

Publicly Honoring Friends

At events and holidays, Chinese people acknowledge important friends. Giving public praise, toasts and ample gifts before witnesses demonstrates friendship.

Proverbs on Friendship

Chinese proverbs offer wisdom and guidance on friendship and its value in human relations:

“亲兄弟明算账” – Brothers count up accounts clearly

This proverb means even the closest kin must be clear in lending and borrowing money from each other. By extension, good friends should be upfront about debts and favors owed rather than jeopardize the friendship over money.

“患难见真情” – In times of hardship, one sees true feelings

Friendships are proven not during happy times but when one falls into difficult situation. Who still stands by you reveals who is a true friend.

“物以类聚,人以群分” – Things gather in groups; people gather in groups

This describes how social relationships form naturally. People gravitate subconsciously toward others of similar backgrounds, interests and temperaments.

“浪迹天涯,共剪西窗烛” – Roam the world together, trim the candle together

This poem describes adventure and lasting friendship. Good friends remain loyal companions through all of life’s journeys.

“一日之交,终生难忘” – A friendship made in a day, never forgotten for life

Some friendships form quickly but create an imprint that lasts forever. The bond between true friends withstands time.

Friendship holds much greater meaning, obligations and significance in Chinese culture compared to Western friendship. But at its core, the spirit of true friendship remains constant across all cultures. Friends are the family we choose, who walk with us along life’s twisting paths – in good times and bad. The enrichment that friendship adds to our lives is universally understood.

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The Essential Friendships for Chinese (Elementary)

1. 朋友 (Péngyou): friend

2. 发小 (Fàxiǎo): a childhood friend

3. 闺蜜 (Guīmì): a woman’s best female friend

4. 死党 (Sǐdǎng): sworn followers

5. 室友 (Shìyǒu): a roommate

There is a Chinese saying : a sincere friendship is worth more than even the most valuable of treasures.

(You might interested in Chinese culture, try our Chinese Culture Lessons!)

People have many types of “朋友 (péngyou) friends”: best friends, childhood friends, new friends, friends at work, girlfriends, boyfriends, and even long-lost friends. Some friends you might see every single day, and some you may only see occasionally. In Chinese, there are also many different types of friends, and today we’re going to share a few of those types with you.

Fàxiǎo I 发小

发小 (Fàxiǎo) is a childhood friend. You met this person when you were both young, and the friendship developed naturally. Some might say that this is the best type of friend to have. These days, many working people are tired of the complicated networks inside their company and like having a 发小 (fàxiǎo) to spend time with outside of work. This kind of friend knows your past and also probably understands you at a deeper level than others. It is a comfortable, safe relationship. Do you have a friend like this?

Wǒ hé Wáng Lì cóng xiǎo wán dào dà, tā shì wǒ de fàxiǎo. 我和王丽从小玩到大，她是我的发小。 Wang Li and I have grown up playing together. She is my childhood friend.

Guīmì II 闺蜜

This means girlfriend: a woman’s best female friend. Traditionally, “闺 (guī)” was the place where unmarried women lived, and “蜜 (mì)” literally means “honey.” guīmì)” usually trust in each other and share secrets, talk about their happy and sad experiences, have similar interests and hobbies, and maybe even have similar tastes in men.

“闺蜜 (Guīmì)” can only be used with women. What do men call their best male friends? That would be “兄弟 (xiōngdì).”

(Do You Have a Real Girlfriend or Boyfriend? If Not, Learn “单身狗 (dānshēnɡǒu) Single Dog” for You!)

Wǒ de guīmì sòng wǒ yìtiáo wéijīn. 我的闺蜜送我一条围巾。 My best friend gave me a scarf.

Sǐdǎng III死党

“死党 (Sǐdǎng)” might sound bad, but in friendship it is definitely a good thing. “死党 (sǐdǎng)” are your best friends. They are loyal and willing to do anything to help you although sometimes they make you angry deliberately. “死党 (sǐdǎng)” is your friend through thick and thin, and the two of you share almost everything. “死党 (sǐdǎng)” may be either a male or a female. (2 Types of Friends You Should Have: “哥们儿 (Gēmen’r)” And “姐们儿 (Jiěmen’r)”)

Lǐ Míng shì wǒ de sǐdǎng. 李明是我的死党。 Li Ming is my best friend.

Shìyǒu IV 室友

“室友 (Shìyǒu)” is a roommate. Are you friends with your roommates? Maybe not. But for Chinese youths, your roommates are very important to you. Many young people in China live in the student dormitories during their school days and are not near to their families, so these students need to spend a lot of time together and take care of each other. Generally speaking, the relationships between roommates in China are very close. Most of the “闺蜜 (guīmì)” start out as your “室友 (shìyǒu)” at first. But sometimes, a “室友 (shìyǒu)” is just a common friend.

Wǒ de yí gè shìyǒu jīntiān jiéhūn. 我的一个室友今天结婚。 One of my roommates is getting married today.

1. How does a female address her female best friend? ______ A. 兄弟 (Xiōngdì) B. 哥们儿 (Gēmenr) C. 闺蜜 (Guīmì)

2. Tom and his classmate Jack have known each other since they were in high school. They care about each other and are always there to help the other. Sometimes there are sad moments in their lives, but they are true friends no matter the obstacles. They are_______ A. 发小 (Fàxiǎo) B. 死党 (Sǐdǎng) C. 闺蜜 (Guīmì)

3. Emily and Kate have been friends since they were kids. They are_____ A. 兄弟 (Xiōngdì) B. 发小 (Fàxiǎo) C. 室友 (Shìyǒu)

Answers: 1.C 2. B 3. B

Learn How to Say “朋友 (péngyou) Friend” Through Chinese Nursery Rhymes! Where Is My Friend? Chinese Idiom: Little Dogs, My Good Friends! General Chinese (Beginner Level)

磨杵成针 grinding an iron pestle into a needle, chinese culture: origin of “元旦 (yuándàn) new year’s day”, china’s most valuable brand, warren buffett bullish on china’s byd, 红包 (hóngbāo) red packets/ red envelope (intermediate), steamed stuffed bun plays rock & roll (intermediate), a glimpse of china’s real estate market: a kfc story, when hip-hop meets chinese stilts (beginner), mini-test answer: skirt (beginner), a movie:《唐山大地震》(tángshān dà dìzhèn) tangshan earthquake (beginner), 7 thoughts on “the essential friendships for chinese (elementary)”.

I wont chines girl to mkae sisterhood. I love china.

I want chines girl to make freindship I love china.

How do a male call female friend in Chinese ? Same way, how do a female call male friend in Chinese ? Both are just friend and not husband-wife and not business friend. Let me know. Thanks Kalpesh Mehta from India, Harbin

Dear e-ChineseLearning Team, Thank Yu for the Clarification of “Friendship”. A couple of questions did arise. When should one use pengyou and genemr qing.88 from William

I am Indian national male. I have Chinese female friend. We are good friend apart from business. I have my own family (Indian wife and kids) and she has her own Chinese boy friend. What does this relationship call in Chinese. Let me know. Thanks

Kalpesh Mehta India.

Tag: Essays

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