empathic listening essay

Cultivating empathy

Psychologists’ research offers insight into why it’s so important to practice the “right” kind of empathy, and how to grow these skills

Vol. 52 No. 8 Print version: page 44

Personality

In a society marked by increasing division, we could all be a bit more kind, cooperative, and tolerant toward others. Beneficial as those traits are, psychological research suggests empathy may be the umbrella trait required to develop all these virtues. As empathy researcher and Stanford University psychologist Jamil Zaki, PhD, describes it, empathy is the “psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people and undergirds co-operation and kindness” ( The Economist , June 7, 2019). And even if empathy doesn’t come naturally, research suggests people can cultivate it—and hopefully improve society as a result.

“In general, empathy is a powerful predictor of things we consider to be positive behaviors that benefit society, individuals, and relationships,” said Karina Schumann , PhD, a professor of social psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. “Scholars have shown across domains that empathy motivates many types of prosocial behaviors, such as forgiveness, volunteering, and helping, and that it’s negatively associated with things like aggression and bullying.”

For example, research by C. Daniel Batson , PhD, a professor emeritus of social psychology at the University of Kansas, suggests empathy can motivate people to help someone else in need ( Altruism in Humans , Oxford University Press, 2011), and a 2019 study suggests empathy levels predict charitable donation behavior (Smith, K. E., et al., The Journal of Positive Psychology , Vol. 15, No. 6, 2020).

Ann Rumble , PhD, a psychology lecturer at Northern Arizona University, found empathy can override noncooperation, causing people to be more generous and forgiving and less retaliative ( European Journal of Social Psychology , Vol. 40, No. 5, 2010). “Empathic people ask themselves, ‘Maybe I need to find out more before I jump to a harsh judgment,’” she said.

Empathy can also promote better relationships with strangers. For example, Batson’s past research highlights that empathy can help people adopt more positive attitudes and helping behavior toward stigmatized groups, particularly disabled and homeless individuals and those with AIDS ( Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , Vol. 72, No. 1, 1997).

Empathy may also be a crucial ingredient in mitigating bias and systemic racism. Jason Okonofua , PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, has found that teachers are more likely to employ severe discipline with Black students—and that they’re more likely to label Black students as “troublemakers” ( Psychological Science , Vol. 26, No. 5, 2015).

These labels, Okonofua said, can shape how teachers interpret behavior, forging a path toward students’ school failure and incarceration. When Okonofua and his colleagues created an intervention to help teachers build positive relationships with students and value their perspectives, their increased empathy reduced punitive discipline ( PNAS , Vol. 113, No. 19, 2016).

Similarly, Okonofua and colleagues found empathy from parole officers can prevent adults on probation from reoffending ( PNAS , Vol. 118, No. 14, 2021).

In spite of its potential benefits, empathy itself isn’t an automatic path toward social good. To develop empathy that actually helps people requires strategy. “If you’re trying to develop empathy in yourself or in others, you have to make sure you’re developing the right kind,” said Sara Konrath , PhD, an associate professor of social psychology at Indiana University who studies empathy and altruism.

The right kind of empathy

Empathy is often crucial for psychologists working with patients in practice, especially when patients are seeking validation of their feelings. However, empathy can be a draining skill if not practiced correctly. Overidentifying with someone else’s emotions can be stressful, leading to a cardiovascular stress response similar to what you’d experience in the same painful or threatening situation, said Michael J. Poulin , PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the University at Buffalo who studies how people respond to others’ adversity.

Outside of clinical practice, some scholars argue empathy is unhelpful and even damaging. For example, Paul Bloom, PhD , a professor of psychology at Yale University, argues that because empathy directs helping behavior toward specific individuals—most often, those in one’s own group—it may prevent more beneficial help to others ( Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion , Ecco , 2016).

In some cases, empathy may also promote antagonism and aggression (Buffone, A. E. K., & Poulin, M. J., Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , Vol. 40, No. 11, 2014). For example, Daryl Cameron , PhD, an associate professor of psychology and senior research associate in the Rock Ethics Institute and director of the Empathy and Moral Psychology Lab at Penn State University, has found that apparent biases in empathy like parochialism and the numbness to mass suffering may sometimes be due to motivated choices. He also notes that empathy can still have risks in some cases. “There are times when what looks like empathy promotes favoritism at the expense of the outgroup,” said Cameron.

Many of these negative outcomes are associated with a type of empathy called self-oriented perspective taking—imagining yourself in someone else’s shoes. “How you take the perspective can make a difference,” said John Dovidio , PhD, the Carl I. Hovland Professor Emeritus of Psychology and a professor emeritus in the Institute for Social and Policy Studies and of Epidemiology at Yale University. “When you ask me to imagine myself in another person’s position,” Dovidio said, “I may experience a lot of personal distress, which can interfere with prosocial behaviors.” Taking on that emotional burden, Schumann added, could also increase your own risk for distressing emotions, such as anxiety.

According to Konrath, the form of empathy shown most beneficial for both the giver and the receiver is an other-oriented response. “It’s a cognitive style of perspective taking where someone imagines another person’s perspective, reads their emotions, and can understand them in general,” she said.

Other-oriented perspective taking may result in empathic concern, also known as compassion, which could be seen as an emotional response to a cognitive process. It’s that emotion that may trigger helping behavior. “If I simply understand you’re in trouble, I may not act, but emotion energizes me,” said Dovidio.

While many practitioners may find empathy to come naturally, psychologists’ research can help clinicians guide patients toward other-oriented empathy and can also help practitioners struggling with compassion fatigue to re-up their empathy. According to Poulin, people are more likely to opt out of empathy if it feels cognitively or emotionally taxing, which could impact psychologists’ ability to effectively support their patients.

To avoid compassion fatigue with patients—and maintain the empathy required for helping them—Poulin said it’s important to reflect on the patient’s feeling or experience without necessarily trying to feel it yourself. “It’s about putting yourself in the right role,” he said. “Your goal isn’t to be the sufferer, but to be the caregiver.”

Be willing to grow

Cameron’s research found that the cognitive costs of empathy could cause people to avoid it but that it may be possible to increase empathy by teaching people to do it effectively ( Journal of Experimental Psychology: General , Vol. 148, No. 6, 2019).

Further, research by Schumann and Zaki shows that the desire to grow in empathy can be a driver in cultivating it. They found people can extend empathic effort—asking questions and listening longer to responses—in situations where they feel different than someone, primarily if they believe empathy could be developed with effort ( Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , Vol. 107, No. 3, 2014).

Similarly, Erika Weisz , PhD, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Harvard University, said that the first step to increasing your empathy is to adopt a growth mindset—to believe you’re capable of growing in empathy.

“People who believe that empathy can grow try harder to empathize when it doesn’t come naturally to them, for instance, by empathizing with people who are unfamiliar to them or different than they are, compared to people who believe empathy is a stable trait,” she said.

For example, Weisz found addressing college students’ empathy mindsets increases the accuracy with which they perceive others’ emotions; it also tracks with the number of friends college freshmen make during their first year on campus ( Emotion , online first publication, 2020).

Expose yourself to differences

To imagine another’s perspective, the more context, the better. Shereen Naser , PhD, a professor of psychology at Cleveland State University, said consuming diverse media—for example, a White person reading books or watching movies with a non-White protagonist—and even directly participating in someone else’s culture can provide a backdrop against which to adopt someone else’s perspective.

When you’re in these situations, be fully present. “Paying attention to other people allows you to be moved by their experiences,” said Sara Hodges , PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon. “Whether you are actively perspective-taking or not, if you just pay more attention to other people, you’re likely to feel more concerned for them and become more involved in their experiences.”

For example, in a course focused on diversity, Naser encourages her graduate students to visit a community they’ve never spent time in. “One student came back saying they felt like an outsider when they attended a Hindu celebration and that they realized that’s what marginalized people feel like every day,” she said. Along with decreasing your bias, such realizations could also spark a deeper understanding of another’s culture—and why they might think or feel the way they do.

Read fiction

Raymond Mar , PhD, a professor of psychology at York University in Toronto, studies how reading fiction and other kinds of character-driven stories can help people better understand others and the world. “To understand stories, we have to understand characters, their motivations, interactions, reactions, and goals,” he said. “It’s possible that while understanding stories, we can improve our ability to understand real people in the real world at the same time.”

When you engage with a story, you’re also engaging the same cognitive abilities you’d use during social cognition ( Current Directions in Psychological Science , Vol. 27, No. 4, 2018). You can get the same effect with any medium—live theater, a show on Netflix, or a novel—as long as it has core elements of a narrative, story, and characters.

The more one practices empathy (e.g., by relating to fictional characters), the more perspectives one can absorb while not feeling that one’s own is threatened. “The foundation of empathy has to be a willingness to listen to other peoples’ experiences and to believe they’re valid,” Mar said. “You don’t have to deny your own experience to accept someone else’s.”

Harness the power of oxytocin

The social hormone oxytocin also plays a role in facilitating empathy. Bianca Jones Marlin , PhD, a neuroscientist and assistant professor of psychology at Columbia University, found that mice that had given birth are more likely to pick up crying pups than virgin animals and that the oxytocin released during the birth and parenting process actually changes the hearing centers of the brain to motivate prosocial and survival behaviors ( Nature , Vol. 520, No. 7548, 2015).

Oxytocin can also breed helping responses in those who don’t have a blood relationship; when Marlin added oxytocin to virgin mice’s hearing centers, they took care of pups that weren’t theirs. “It’s as if biology has prepared us to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves,” she said. “But that’s just a baseline; it’s up to us as a society to build this in our relationships.”

Through oxytocin-releasing behaviors like eye contact and soft physical touch, Marlin said humans can harness the power of oxytocin to promote empathy and helping behaviors in certain contexts. Oxytocin is also known to mediate ingroup and outgroup feelings.

The key, Marlin said, is for both parties to feel connected and unthreatened. To overcome that hurdle, she suggests a calm but direct approach: Try saying, “I don’t agree with your views, but I want to learn more about what led you to that perspective.”

Identify common ground

Feeling a sense of social connection is an important part of triggering prosocial behaviors. “You perceive the person as a member of your own group, or because the situation is so compelling that your common humanity is aroused,” Dovidio said. “When you experience this empathy, it motivates you to help the other person, even at a personal cost to you.”

One way to boost this motivation is to manipulate who you see as your ingroup. Jay Van Bavel , PhD, an associate professor of psychology and neural science at New York University, found that in the absence of an existing social connection, finding a shared identity can promote empathy ( Journal of Experimental Social Psychology , Vol. 55, 2014). “We find over and over again when people have a common identity, even if it’s created in the moment, they are more motivated to get inside the mind of another person,” Van Bavel said.

For example, Van Bavel has conducted fMRI research that suggests being placed on the same team for a work activity can increase cooperation and trigger positive feelings for individuals once perceived as outgroup, even among different races ( Psychological Science , Vol. 19, No. 11, 2008).

To motivate empathy in your own interactions, find similarities instead of focusing on differences. For instance, maybe you and a neighbor have polar opposite political ideologies, but your kids are the same age and go to the same school. Build on that similarity to create more empathy. “We contain multiple identities, and part of being socially intelligent is finding the identity you share,” Van Bavel said.

Ask questions

Existing research often measures a person’s empathy by accuracy—how well people can label someone’s face as angry, sad, or happy, for example. Alexandra Main , PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Merced, said curiosity and interest can also be an important component of empathy. “Mind reading isn’t always the way empathy works in everyday life. It’s more about actively trying to appreciate someone’s point of view,” she said. If you’re in a situation and struggling with empathy, it’s not necessarily that you don’t care—your difficulty may be because you don’t understand that person’s perspective. Asking questions and engaging in curiosity is one way to change that.

While Main’s research focuses on parent-child relationships, she says the approach also applies to other relationship dynamics; for example, curiosity about why your spouse doesn’t do the dishes might help you understand influencing factors and, as a result, prevent conflict and promote empathy.

Main suggests asking open-ended questions to the person you want to show empathy to, and providing nonverbal cues like nodding when someone’s talking can encourage that person to share more. Certain questions, like ones you should already know the answer to, can have the opposite effect, as can asking personal questions when your social partner doesn’t wish to share.

The important thing is to express interest. “These kinds of behaviors are really facilitative of disclosure and open discussion,” Main said. “And in the long term, expressing interest in another person can facilitate empathy in the relationship” ( Social Development , Vol. 28, No. 3, 2019).

Understand your blocks

Research suggests everyone has empathy blocks, or areas where it is difficult to exhibit empathy. To combat these barriers to prosocial behavior, Schumann suggests noticing your patterns and focusing on areas where you feel it’s hard to connect to people and relate to their experiences.

If you find it hard to be around negative people, for example, confront this difficulty and spend time with them. Try to reflect on a time when you had a negative outlook on something and observe how they relate. And as you listen, don’t interrupt or formulate rebuttals or responses.

“The person will feel so much more validated and heard when they’ve really had an opportunity to voice their opinion, and most of the time people will reciprocate,” Schumann said. “You might still disagree strongly, but you will have a stronger sense of why they have the perspective they do.”

Second-guess yourself

Much of empathy boils down to willingness to learn—and all learning involves questioning your assumptions and automatic reactions in both big-picture issues, such as racism, and everyday interactions. According to Rumble, it’s important to be mindful of “what-ifs” in frustrating situations before jumping to snap judgments. For example, if a patient is continually late to appointments, don’t assume they don’t take therapy seriously––something else, like stress or unreliable transportation, might be getting in the way of their timeliness.

And if you do find yourself making a negative assumption, slow down and admit you could be wrong. “As scientists, we second-guess our assumptions all the time, looking for alternative explanations,” said Hodges. “We need to do that as people, too.”

Empathic listening: what it is and how to use it

two-friends-sit-on-couch-empathic-listening

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What is empathic listening?

Passive versus empathic listening, why empathic listening matters , 5 essential empathic listening skills, how to become a more empathic listener, use empathic listening to build better relationships.

Everyone wants to feel heard and understood. Because of this, listening is one of the best ways to connect with others and build healthy bonds. Offering someone your full attention and compassion can be life-changing for them and you.

If you want to build listening skills, you may wonder, "What makes a good listener?" Anyone can perk their ears up at a conversation. But deep, connected listening feels and works differently. It's called empathic listening, and it can change your perspective and relationships for the better.

Listening like an empath is a great skill, but what is an empath , exactly? They are people highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of others. You may be an empath by nature, but if not, you can build the skills.

Empathic listening means understanding a speaker’s message through the active process of listening and observation. Empathic listening is more than hearing. The practice lets you focus on the emotion behind the words.

Empathic listening relies on reading body language and understanding types of nonverbal communication . By using it, you consider the other person's perspective by focusing on their experience with intention. In this way, empathic listening requires you to be fully present and engaged.

Naturally, empathetic people are often good listeners and leaders. They connect deeply and often seek out those emotional ties through listening. Anyone can build skills to be more empathic.

You can show empathetic engagement in various ways:

Making eye contact
Nodding agreement and understanding
Showing engagement and interest in your speaker
Asking questions for clarity and context when appropriate (not interrupting)

Empathic listening fosters a sense of trust and validation, enabling more meaningful relationships and communication. It helps you form a deeper human connection with your conversational partner. By developing the skill of empathic listening, you can see where the other person is coming from and respond with compassion.

There are different types of listening : active and passive. Passive listening, despite its shortcomings, is the default for many.

Passive listening habits tune out the speaker's emotions and intentions. As a result, you might only get a superficial understanding of their message. You hear the words spoken but may not process or engage with the content.

Passive listeners may not make eye contact. They often interrupt or let their minds wander into how they'll respond when it's "their turn."

You can't foster genuine connection or understanding with passive methods. Passive listening can make conversations feel superficial and speakers feel undervalued. In truth, this type of listening is a missed opportunity for deeper connections.

It's often said that listening is a lost art. In reality, listening is a skill. You can build listening skills using the right intention and techniques. Doing so offers you and others benefits that serve you for a lifetime.

Listening can improve relationships in every facet of daily life. It can strengthen your friendships and working relationships. It helps you build trust and shift your thinking.

Here are the five top benefits you'll find when you practice empathic listening:

Build stronger personal and professional relationships

Most relationships can improve with connection and understanding. Empathic listening gives you useful information for building interpersonal bridges. It can also help you navigate family dynamics and understand the other person's perspective.

Empathic listening can also help you in being a leader . Three quarters of people with highly empathic senior leaders report being often or always engaged. Only 32% of people with less empathic senior leaders report the same . You can use empathy to understand your teammates’ motivations and be better equipped to anticipate their needs. Listening is especially important for leaders in the digital age since most communication occurs without seeing the nonverbal cues of your coworkers.

One study in the Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies supports the idea that empathetic leadership improves performance and innovation . By becoming a better listener, your team may feel more connected to you because you strive to hear and understand them.

Improve communication and collaboration

We often celebrate leaders and loved ones for their ability to exchange information. The key word is exchange.

Strong communicators are eloquent speakers who also excel at listening. Empathic listening requires a higher level of this skill. Where eloquence helps convey information, empathy helps you accept it.

Empathic listeners tune into what others say (and what they don't). With deep listening, you can more easily navigate conversations and glean perspectives. This can help you reach a consensus faster and with fewer misunderstandings and roadblocks.

Increase trust and understanding

Trust grows when you believe someone is invested in your emotions and needs . By using empathic listening to understand the other party, you foster trust.

This emotional approach also allows you to be more vulnerable in return. The two-way flow of understanding and openness can help forge more trusting connections, learn how to fix a relationship , and rebuild trust.

Enhance conflict resolution and problem-solving

Conflicts often arise out of misunderstanding. Superficial listening can muddy understanding, and poor listeners can struggle with effective conflict resolution skills .

When you use empathic listening techniques, you're more likely to hear what's really meant. You can use this information to solve problems and help both parties reach a compromise. Empathic listening centers on compassion for others, which also helps tempers stay cool.

Challenge your perspective and widen your mindset

Preconceptions are another challenge in communication. Passive listening partly relies on what you think you know. Passivity uses assumptions as shortcuts in conversation, but it doesn't always work well.

Empathic techniques invite you to talk less and listen more . Taking on new information might shift your stance or change your perspective . In this way, empathic listening skills help you stay flexible and open to possibilities without defensiveness.

Empathic listening relies on a few simple but effective techniques and skills. When used together, these methods convey the right message to your discussion partner. They also give you the information needed to respond with empathy and compassion .

When building empathic listening skills, use the following techniques as you listen and respond.

1. Active listening

Active listening is an engagement behavior. It offers your partner your full concentration, understanding, and acknowledgment. Active listening silently says, "I'm with you," whether mentally, emotionally, or physically.

two-friends-sit-together-practicing-empathic-listening

It's important to note the difference between empathy versus sympathy . Empathy involves understanding another person's feelings. Sympathy is when you feel sadness, pity, or sorrow on someone's behalf. Active listening is empathic rather than sympathetic.

To practice active listening, give the speaker your undivided attention. Put your phone in your pocket, free yourself from distractions, and make eye contact. Let the person know that you're ready to listen and engage. This frees you up to listen carefully and receive their messages (verbal and nonverbal) while building trust between you.

If your attention wanders during the conversation, acknowledge it. Center yourself back in the conversation and ask the speaker to proceed. Resist the urge to interrupt, defend, or rationalize. Ask questions at the right time, but leave room for your speaking partner to share.

2. Nonverbal cues and body language

Nonverbal cues are all the things you say without realizing it. They may include facial expressions, posture, gestures with your arms or hands , eye contact, and movement. Nonverbal cues help you understand a speaker's true feelings and intentions. They often reveal more than mere words let on.

For instance, if your partner displays that they are uncomfortable with what they're sharing, their body language will tell you. Fidgeting, looking away, rubbing hands, or other subconscious gestures are good clues.

Use this information to increase your empathy toward the speaker. Consider asking if they're comfortable discussing the topic. Knowing when it’s time to move away from a certain topic might even improve your connection over the long run.

3. Reflection and summarization

Paraphrasing or summarizing is when you repeat key information back to your speaking partner. Doing this shows that you're listening and engaging with what they have to say. It also helps clarify points to be sure you understand the information.

Reflection helps you stay on the same page in the conversation and reduce misunderstandings. It's also a great sign of attentiveness and care for the speaker's perspective. Reflection and summary are organic ways to deepen the emotional connection. They encourage open, honest, and connected dialogue between you and your discussion partner.

4. Open-ended questions

Most people love sharing about themselves, and open-ended questions are a way to say, "Tell me more!" Unlike closed, "yes or no" questions, open-ended questions prompt the speaker to elaborate.

Using open-ended questions helps you gain perspective and context and conveys your interest. When you ask open-ended questions, your partner knows they can relax and speak freely. In doing so, they may offer up more of their thoughts and feelings rather than only sticking to the facts. When asking questions, the structure of questions matters . For instance, “what” and “how” questions produce the best results. Try to avoid “why” questions.

5. Emotional validation

Emotional validation is when you accept another's feelings without judgment or dismissal. It highlights your respect for your speaker's emotional experiences. This reinforces their value and affirms their reality.

When you validate the speaker's emotions, you communicate understanding and empathy. Emotional validation is another great trust-builder and conflict-resolution strategy . It can help diffuse tense discussions by ensuring the speaker feels heard.

Like any skill, empathic listening improves with consistent practice. Once you know the techniques and methods of empathic listening, it's time to put them to use.

Here are three ways to flex your empathic listening skills in any setting:

Practice active self-awareness

Self-awareness isn't automatic. Tuning into your personal habits and behaviors takes time. When building empathic listening, take a step back and reflect.

Ask yourself some questions as a self-check, such as:

Am I staying present , or is my mind wandering?
Do I seem to be interrupting or rushing to add to the discussion?
Am I making assumptions about what the other person is going to say before they finish speaking?
Am I listening without judgment, or are my implicit biases creeping in?
How can I show my discussion partner I’m interested in what they’re saying?

Recognizing the habits of empathic people is an important step toward change. Tuning into such aspects can help you break habits and recognize biases that color your interpretation. These biases are common, so don't feel bad when you spot them. They come from past experiences, stereotypes, or personal beliefs.

Becoming aware of your tendencies helps you set them aside. With a clear mind, you can approach each conversation with curiosity and compassion.

Explore your skills in various settings

To get better at empathic listening, it helps to practice your skills in many settings. Different areas of life call for different skills and boundaries, so variety makes for quicker improvement.

Remember that although you're opening yourself to communicate, it's OK to hold boundaries. Boundaries help you avoid burnout and negative feelings from toxic empathy and compassion fatigue .

Friends and family are a great audience for building better listening skills. Since you know these people best, your close bonds might create more preconceptions. By practicing active listening, you can check your preconceived notions and help your loved one feel truly heard.

Remember to ask open-ended questions to show genuine interest and care. As you listen with fresh ears, take time to reflect on the speaker's feelings. These techniques build a safe and supportive space to deepen connections and heal old conflicts.

At work

Practicing empathic listening with colleagues positively impacts the connection crisis at work . When you collaborate with empathy, you improve workplace communication skills and outcomes. If you’re a manager or boss, empathetic leadership can help move projects forward while letting everyone contribute their thoughts.

During conflict

Sometimes empathy is most difficult when it's most needed. If you're in a tense discussion or disagreement, you may slip into old patterns of defensive speech or judgmental listening. Take the time to acknowledge the other's feelings without bias.

Check in on your reactions and seek to understand their perspective. This means putting aside your own viewpoints to engage with their feelings. Empathic listening during conflict can feel difficult, vulnerable, or frustrating, but it's a valuable practice. It can de-escalate tension, foster respect, and bring about constructive resolutions. According to this study published by the Royal Society, empathy can make us more prosocial and make us more open to reconciliation when problems arise.

Seek feedback (ask trusted individuals for honest input)

If you want to improve your listening skills, ask for feedback . While this may feel scary or increase feelings of vulnerability , feedback is essential to progress.

Ask someone you trust, such as friends, family, or colleagues, to offer candid observations on how empathically you listen. Prepare your mindset to accept their views without reaction or rationalization. Their honest insights are a great source of guidance and opportunity.

Be sure to ask them to outline your strong points as well as your challenges. Thank them for their candor, reflect on what they've said, and consider whether you want to incorporate their feedback into your practice.

Empathic listening lets you hear others on a deep, emotional level. It’s a powerful way to grow together with them, whether at home or on the job. With practice, you can use empathic listening to excel at work, mend fences, and become a better friend, loved one, or partner.

If you're ready to improve your listening skills with the help of an expert, consider coaching. A certified coach can help you build communication skills and practice your technique. Find the right coach for you and get started today.

Understand Yourself Better:

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Belynda Cianci

Belynda is a freelance content writer with 15+ years of experience writing for the SaaS, technology, and finance industries. She loves helping scrappy startups and household names connect with the right audiences. Away from the office, Belynda enjoys reading and writing fiction, singing, and horseback riding. Her favorite activity is traveling with her husband and children. Belynda holds a B.A. in English from Northeastern University.

7 types of listening that can change your life and work

How to improve your listening skills for better communication, active listening: what is it & techniques to become an active listener, understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy, talk less, listen more: 6 reasons it pays to learn the art, the importance of listening as a leader in the digital era, the 12 best business podcasts and why to tune in, learn 6 habits of empathetic people to connect deeper, what are the emotional triggers for empaths to watch for, eye contact is important (crucial really) in communication, 7-38-55 rule of communication: how to use for negotiation, how to identify and overcome communication barriers at work, foster strong communication skills to enjoy professional success, what’s an empath the positives and pitfalls, stay connected with betterup, get our newsletter, event invites, plus product insights and research..

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How to Improve Your Empathic Listening Skills: 7 Techniques

Social and personal complexities have amplified anxiety and depression, pushing people to their limits.

How can we help a hurting person? Beyond basic survival, people need a sense of belonging and to feel safe, valued, and respected.

There is good news. Each of us can offer relief to a hurting person.

Author Josephine Billings stated:

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

Leal, 2017, p. 32

Empathic listening allows us to step inside the speaker’s story to feel their emotions. It provides a safe place to work through complicated emotions.

What does the empathic listener get from their effort? Besides helping someone, you may be creating a legacy of compassion.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

What is empathic listening 2 examples, the 4 stages of empathic listening, empathic listening vs active listening, carl rogers’s take on empathic listening, how to improve your empathic listening skills, 7 techniques and tips for counselors, 19 examples of questions to ask your clients, best exercises, activities, and games, most fascinating books on the topic, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Stephen R. Covey (2020, p. 277), author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , summarizes the heart of empathic listening: “Seek first to understand.” Covey calls this a deep paradigm shift, as most people force their own perspective before attempting to listen.

Covey believes empathic listening begins with the type of character trait that inspires the speaker to open up and trust the listener. Humility , for instance, is a character trait that instills trust. Covey talks about building an emotional bank account with the person before they’re willing to trust. The same concept in restorative justice is known as social capital .

Covey believes we typically listen at one of four levels:

Ignoring the other person
Pretending to listen
Selective listening
Attentive listening

Covey states there’s a fifth level of listening:

Empathic listening

Empathic listening seeks to get inside the other person’s perspective and see the world the way they do. This skill requires the listener to use their eyes, ears, and heart to listen.

Parenting as an example

Being a parent can be an optimal opportunity for empathic listening.

Child: “I don’t like soccer anymore. The coach confuses me and the team sucks.”

The parent might typically refute the child’s assertion. But a different response might be:

Parent: “Sounds like you’re frustrated with your soccer team.”

Coworkers as an example

The workplace is also filled with opportunities for empathic listening. Imagine your coworker comes into your office with a complaint.

Coworker: “Hal (supervisor) is an idiot. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he gives me horrible assignments.”

Listener: “Sounds like you’re irritated with Hal and work right now.”

In both instances, the listener doesn’t negate or judge the speaker. They let the speaker know they heard what was said and captured the emotions.

According to Covey (2020), there are four stages of empathic listening, outlined below:

Stage 1: Mimicking content

This is the least effective stage of listening taught in active or reflective listening courses.

Stage 2: Rephrasing the content

This is somewhat more effective but remains limited to the verbal portion of communication.

Stage 3: Reflecting feelings

This stage includes not only what was said, but how the speaker feels about it.

Stage 4: Rephrasing content and reflecting feelings

This stage incorporates both the second and third stages of the golden nugget of communication. Covey describes this stage as giving the speaker psychological air .

Rephrasing content and reflecting feelings draws the speaker closer to the listener, reassuring them they are in a safe space. The barrier between the parties is removed for what Covey describes as soul-to-soul flow , which includes trust and vulnerability.

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In the field of communication, there are various types of listening. Some require more skill and patience than others.

Active listening

Active listening is identified as a way of listening instead of a type of listening. This listening method focuses entirely on what the other person is saying. The listener then confirms the content of what was heard and the feelings the speaker projects about the message (Hybels & Weaver, 2015).

Some characteristics of active listeners include good eye contact, undivided attention, and patience. The active listener’s demeanor helps the speaker feel respected (Hybels & Weaver, 2015).

This type of listening includes the mechanics of active listening and takes the listener a step further. The empathic listener begins with the intent to immerse themselves fully in the other person and what they are experiencing.

Applying empathic listening techniques includes emptying ourselves of the need to be right and our individual autobiography, as our personal narratives may interfere with the speaker’s story (Covey, 2020).

This video by Roma Sharma provides examples of autobiographical listening and empathic listening and how to prepare to be a deep listener.

Another way to think about empathic listening is to project yourself into the other person’s life, which includes suspending your own ego and judgment (Hybels & Weaver, 2015). I have found this to be one of the most challenging aspects of being a mediator. It requires centering myself with reminders that my job is to listen and to be fully present.

In addition to supporting the speaker, the empathic listener creates intimacy by listening, identifying feelings, and allowing the speaker to find solutions. Empathic listeners know how important it is for speakers to both own and solve their own issues (Hybels & Weaver, 2015).

It’s Not About the Nail is a comical video about a speaker who cannot see her own issue. Although the listener can clearly see the problem, he learns that the conversation is about listening and validating the speaker, not fixing the issue.

He is careful to make it clear from the outset that being empathetic is a “complex, demanding, and strong—yet also subtle and gentle—way of being” (Rogers, 1980, p. 143).

He describes it as a multi-faceted process rather than a state where the listener is “entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly at home in it” (Rogers, 1980, p. 142). It involves a moment-to-moment sensitivity of the speaker’s feelings and temporarily living within the life of the other without judgment.

Another aspect includes being aware of unconscious feelings the speaker may have but taking care not to divulge something that may be below the speaker’s conscious level, posing a threat to them.

In addition, the listener is sensing the person’s world through fresh eyes, particularly threatening aspects, and checking in with the person about what is being sensed.

The empathic listener becomes “a confident companion to the person in his or her inner world” (Rogers, 1980, p. 142). In order to do so, the listener has put aside subjective views and values to enter into their world without the prejudices that accompany them, in essence, laying yourself aside for the time being.

Rogers believed this way of being is not for everyone. The empathic person must know themselves well and be solidly grounded enough to avoid getting lost in the other person’s strange or bizarre world.

It can be complicated to cease embedded behaviors, such as judging and evaluating. One idea is to replace judgment with curiosity. Curiosity changes perspectives, allowing us to approach the situation from a different vantage point.

Becky Harling (2017) shares her listening recommendations, including remembering the story the speaker has told and demonstrating that you value what they’ve shared. She points out that people struggle with insecurities, and advice, as opposed to empathic listening, often adds to their insecurities. She goes on to suggest the listener might verbally acknowledge their courage for sharing their challenge.

According to Michael Sorensen, author of I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships , “The truly good listeners of the world do more than just listen. They listen, seek to understand, and then validate. That third point is the secret sauce—the magic ingredient” (Sorensen, 2017, p. 18).

Validating the emotions of the speaker demands the listener’s full attention and observation. The listener must listen to the words and observe the body language.

Sorensen also suggests the listener mirror the speaker’s excitement when responding, offer micro-validations such as “really” and “that makes sense” to show they’re listening, and stop judging our own emotions.

This loss of control can be scary and unpredictable. Perhaps this is why it’s so difficult to prepare for empathic listening.

Bento Leal (2017), author of 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work – Anywhere! , provides the foundation and steps for empathic listening.

Included in his 12-day communication challenge to better communication are several steps that build upon one another for excellent communication skills. Each day ends with a reflection.

Leal’s approach to empathic listening is unique in that he meticulously outlines the internal perspective needed to prepare for the interaction.

Empathic awareness skills

Recognize the inherent dignity and value in myself as well as the speaker.
Instill a personal desire to want to listen to others.
Think of positive qualities of the other person.

Empathic listening skills

Transform my listening skills and quiet my mind.
I will listen through the words, fully and openly.
I vow not to interrupt people.
Say back to the speaker what they said to me, capturing the emotion.

Leal also offers tips for empathic speaking, including organizing and clarifying thoughts prior to speaking, choosing words wisely, and expressing words with respect. Finally, he suggests speaking carefully and clearly.

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Before asking your client or the speaker questions, it is wise to be sensitive to their disposition and have a deep awareness of the context. Not all questions are appropriate in every situation.

Questions can help the listener focus and convey their narrative. The following examples can help the listener open up.

“You seem upset. Do you want to talk?”
“Tell me what happened.”

The listener can clarify what they heard. Ideas include:

“You sound frustrated.” (‘Frustrated’ can be replaced with any emotion, such as angry, sad, or fearful.)
“How do you feel about this?”
“How did you react?”
“When did that happen?”
“How did you feel when they said that?”
“What do you think they meant by that?”
“In what ways does this bother you the most?”
“What do you do when that happens?”
“Do you know why they did that?”
“Have you experienced a similar situation in the past?”
“How did you handle it?”
“What was it that caused you to feel that way?”
“Do you know what they want from you?”

Some ideas to let the listener know you are there for them, include:

“What can I do for you?”
“That sounds really hard.”
“How can I best support you?”
“What do you need right now?”

The steps begin with putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and fact checking past conversations.

Step three advises the listener to give their full attention and consider if clarification is needed. The last two steps include clarifying what they’ve said and possibly having the speaker clarify what they heard you say.

Creating an Empathy Picture can be used as an exercise or game and is appropriate for any age group. This activity incorporates imagination and creativity by having participants cut out pictures from magazines or other sources and paste them onto a large sheet of paper.

Once the poster boards are ready, group members are asked to imagine who the people are and what is going on in their life, using prompts such as:

What decision does this person need to make today?
What are others telling them to do?

The 500 Years Ago worksheet is a role-play exercise that encourages the speaker to speak on the listener’s level. The role of the listener is to imagine themselves as someone from 500 years in the past.

The speaker then describes to the listener a modern object such as a laptop or cell phone for which the listener from the Middle Ages would have no reference. This role-play uses imagination and empathy for the listener.

Improving your communication with empathic listening skills does not happen overnight. These books will guide you with practical applications.

1. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships – Michael S. Sorenson

His position on the success of empathic listening relies heavily on validating emotions. He posits a four-step process, which includes validating and re-validating the emotion.

Another component posited by Sorensen in I Hear You is for the listener to mirror the speaker’s energy when responding. This includes emotions such as excitement and melancholy.

Sorensen reiterates something commonly known but often forgotten about emotions , which is that they’re neither good nor bad; they’re information about a situation.

Sorensen offers the reader unique tips on learning to empathize with people, such as imagining them as a child and ceasing to judge our own emotions.

Find the book on Amazon .

2. 4 Essential Skills to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work—Anywhere! – Bento C. Leal III

This book reads like a pocket guide for learning to communicate more effectively.

Leal begins by acknowledging the uniqueness of each human being and how we must first prepare ourselves for empathic listening through recognizing our own and others’ value.

Particularly useful is his realignment formula of Pause–Reflect–Adjust–Act for various situations, such as a wandering mind. Another great reminder is that intentions precede actions; preparation prior to the conversation sets the stage for success.

In addition to tips on preparing to listen, Leal also includes tips for empathic speaking, expressing yourself when you’re upset, and encouraging others in your life through Applaud, Admire, Appreciate .

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Mindful Listening is a listening exercise aimed at children to achieve a couple of objectives. It helps them slow down, pay attention and become more aware.

The Create a Care Package worksheet provides experiential insight into people’s lives by challenging them to consider which objects, possessions, and people are integral in the lives of others.

Partners are asked to imagine having to leave behind all but a few items from your current life. Partners then take turns identifying the items they would take to their new life and why.

The Trading Places worksheet invites clients to view things from a variety of perspectives. This worksheet can be particularly useful for clients struggling to see eye to eye with another person, keeping them stuck in conflict.

It includes ten steps to help develop empathy , beginning with grounding yourself in the present moment. Subsequently, clients are asked to walk through feelings involved in difficult interactions while alternating between past and present.

In addition, the worksheet encourages the client to consider and record feelings the other person might be experiencing through their interactions.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

Empathic listening is the embodiment of connection and a foundation for healing hurting people.

According to Elizabeth Segal, social empathy (insight into the plights and realities of others’ lives) is waning (Kilty, Hossfeld, Kelly, & Waity, 2018). If it continues to decrease, social bonds will be weakened, rendering compassion at risk.

Empathy gives compassion wings.

After my dad passed away in 2020, people told us what a great listener he was. He didn’t attempt to control the conversation. He didn’t judge or try to fix issues. He was a strong and steady presence for others.

Maya Angelou said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Gallo, 2014

Such an indelible legacy.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

Covey, S. R. (2020). The 7 habits of highly effective people . Simon & Schuster.
Cuddy, A. (2015). Presence: Bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges . Little, Brown and Company.
Gallo, C. (2014). The Maya Angelou quote that will radically improve your business . Forbes.com. Retrieved September 21, 2021, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/carminegallo/2014/05/31/the-maya-angelou-quote-that-will-radically-improve-your-business/?sh=61ea5945118b
Harling, B. (2017). How to listen so people will talk . Bethany House.
Kilty, K. M., Hossfeld, L., Kelly, E. B., & Waity, J. (2018). Poverty and class inequality. In A. J. Trevino (Ed.), Investigating social problems (2nd ed.). Sage.
Hybels, S., & Weaver, R. L. (2015). Communicating effectively (11th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.
Leal, B. C., III (2017). 4 Essential keys to effective communication in love, life, work—anywhere! Author.
Rogers, C. (1980). A way of being . Houghton Mifflin Company.
Sorensen, M. S. (2017). I hear you: The surprisingly simple skill behind extraordinary relationships . Autumn Creek Press.

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The Empathic Listener’s Guide: Elevating Relationships through Understanding

As an empathic listening expert, I have seen the transformative power of this communication technique firsthand. Empathic listening is a method of active listening that involves focusing on understanding another person’s perspective and emotions without judgment or interruption. It allows for deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.

Empathic listening goes beyond simply hearing someone speak; it requires a willingness to truly listen and understand their point of view. This type of listening can be used in personal relationships, professional settings, or even during difficult conversations such as conflicts or disagreements. In this detailed guide, we will explore what empathic listening is, how it works, and provide practical tips for implementing it into your daily communication practices.

Defining Empathy

Empathy is often confused with sympathy, but they are not the same thing. Sympathy is when we feel sorry for someone, while empathy is when we put ourselves in another person’s shoes and try to understand how they’re feeling.

Empathy plays a crucial role in relationships because it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. When we listen empathically, we show that we care about what the other person is saying and that we value their feelings. This can help build trust and create stronger bonds between people.

It’s important to note that empathy isn’t just about understanding someone’s emotions – it also involves validating those emotions. When we validate someone’s feelings, we acknowledge that their experiences are real and meaningful to them. This can be incredibly powerful in building positive relationships as it creates a safe space for individuals to express themselves without fear of judgment or dismissal.

The Importance Of Active Listening

Active listening techniques are crucial for effective communication strategies. When we actively listen, we show the speaker that we care about their thoughts and feelings. This type of approach encourages them to share more with us in a safe space where they feel heard and valued.

One way to practice active listening is by using nonverbal cues such as nodding or making eye contact.

These actions demonstrate our attentiveness and genuine interest in what the speaker is saying. On top of this, repeating back certain phrases can also be helpful since it shows that you are truly understanding and processing their words.

Another useful technique when practicing active listening is asking open-ended questions. Instead of just responding with simple yes or no answers, these questions encourage dialogue which further deepens your relationship with the speaker. Ultimately, taking time to actively listen will not only improve your own communication skills but also foster healthier personal connections with those around you.

The Difference Between Empathy And Sympathy

As we discussed in the previous section, active listening is crucial for effective communication. However, empathic listening takes it a step further by not only hearing what someone is saying but also understanding their emotions and perspective. Empathy in relationships can lead to deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.

In healthcare settings, empathic listening is especially important as patients are often dealing with physical or emotional pain . A healthcare provider who practices empathic listening can create a safe space for their patient to open up about their concerns and fears. This can ultimately lead to better treatment outcomes as the patient feels heard and understood.

Empathic listening involves using reflective statements that show you understand how the other person is feeling. It’s important to remember that empathy does not mean agreeing with someone’s point of view but rather acknowledging it and validating their experience. When practicing empathic listening, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and listen with an open mind and heart. By doing so, you may find that your relationships become stronger and more fulfilling.

The Benefits Of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening is a powerful tool that can greatly enhance relationships and improve emotional intelligence. The benefits of empathic listening are numerous, as it enables individuals to connect with others on a deeper level. When we listen empathically, we not only hear what someone is saying, but we also strive to understand their feelings and perspective.

Improved relationships are one major benefit of empathic listening. By actively engaging in this type of listening, individuals demonstrate that they care about the other person’s thoughts and emotions. This creates an atmosphere of trust and mutual respect, which fosters strong bonds between people. Empathic listening helps us become better communicators by allowing us to effectively convey our own thoughts and feelings while simultaneously understanding those of others.

Another key benefit of empathic listening is heightened emotional intelligence.

As we learn to tune into the needs and emotions of others through active listening, we become more attuned to our own feelings as well. This self-awareness allows us to make conscious decisions about how we interact with others and respond appropriately in various situations. Ultimately, this leads to greater success both personally and professionally.

By taking the time to truly listen and understand others, we create opportunities for growth and connection that might otherwise be missed. Empathic listening has far-reaching benefits that extend beyond just improving individual relationships; it promotes a culture of empathy and compassion that can positively impact society as a whole.

The Role Of Nonverbal Communication

As we learned in the previous section, empathic listening has numerous benefits for both the listener and speaker. However, it’s important to understand that effective empathic listening involves more than just hearing someone out. Nonverbal cues play a crucial role in communication and active engagement is key.

Did you know that over 50% of communication actually comes from nonverbal cues? This means that as an empathic listener, paying attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice is just as important as actively listening to what someone is saying. By doing so, you can gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and perspective.

To effectively use nonverbal cues during empathic listening, try these three techniques:

Maintain eye contact without staring.
Nod or make other appropriate gestures to show you are engaged.
Pay attention to the speaker’s posture and movements.

By incorporating these techniques into your empathic listening skills, you will be better equipped to truly connect with others on a deeper level and build stronger relationships based on trust and understanding.

It cannot be stressed enough how vital it is to actively engage with those who are speaking by using both verbal and nonverbal cues. When done correctly, this type of communication can have profound effects on individuals’ mental health and overall well-being. So next time you find yourself in a conversation where someone needs support or simply wants to be heard, remember the importance of utilizing nonverbal cues while actively engaging with them through empathic listening techniques.

Cultivating A Safe And Supportive Environment

Creating a safe and supportive environment is crucial when practicing empathic listening. This means setting boundaries for yourself and the person you are communicating with. It’s important to establish what is acceptable behavior before engaging in any conversation, especially if it involves sensitive or emotional topics.

Navigating emotional responses can be challenging, but it’s necessary to create an environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or retribution. As an empathic listener, it’s essential to remain calm and composed even when confronted with strong emotions. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and validate them by paraphrasing what they have said.

A helpful tool to ensure a safe space is using nonverbal cues such as nodding your head, maintaining eye contact, and leaning forward slightly towards the speaker. These actions demonstrate that you are present and actively engaged in the conversation. Remember that creating a supportive environment requires ongoing effort from both parties involved in the dialogue. By establishing clear boundaries and navigating emotional responses effectively, we can foster an atmosphere where empathy thrives organically.

Creating Boundaries	Navigating Emotional Responses	Active Listening
Establishing limits on subject matter	Acknowledging feelings without judgement	Demonstrating engagement through body language
Setting expectations for respectful communication	Validating concerns by repeating back key points	Providing feedback throughout
Encouraging open dialogue while ensuring safety	Remaining calm during difficult conversations	Asking clarifying questions

Remember that everyone has different needs when it comes to feeling safe and supported during communication. Adapting our approach based on individual preferences will help us become better empathetic listeners overall. By consistently cultivating a welcoming space, we encourage others to speak their truth freely while promoting mutual understanding and connection between all parties involved.

Asking Open-Ended Questions

As the saying goes, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” This is especially true in empathic listening. Asking open-ended questions is an essential part of this process because it allows us to deepen our understanding of the speaker’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences.

Examples of open-ended questions include: “ Can you tell me more about how that made you feel?” or “What was going through your mind when that happened?” These types of questions invite the speaker to share more information, which helps build trust and rapport between the listener and speaker.

To effectively use open-ended questions in empathic listening, it’s important to listen actively and attentively.

Pay attention not only to what the speaker is saying but also their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. U se these cues to guide your questioning and show empathy towards them . Avoid interrupting or giving advice unless explicitly asked for – instead focus on reflecting back what they’re saying with phrases like “It sounds like…” or “If I’m hearing you correctly…”

Remember, asking open-ended questions isn’t just a technique – it’s a mindset. By genuinely wanting to understand someone else’s perspective without judgment or interruption, we can create meaningful connections with those around us.

Empathic listening is more than listening actively

Reflecting Feelings And Emotions

Reflecting feelings and emotions is a crucial component of empathic listening. It involves actively listening to the speaker’s words, tone, body language, and emotional cues and then reflecting back what you hear in a way that shows understanding and empathy.

It’s important to note that there is a difference between reflecting and parroting. Parroting simply repeats the speaker’s words verbatim, whereas reflecting takes into account the underlying emotions and meaning behind those words. When we reflect someone’s feelings and emotions, we are showing them that we not only heard what they said but also understand how they feel.

In conflict resolution, reflecting feelings can be especially powerful. By acknowledging another person’s emotions, even if we don’t agree with their perspective or actions, we show respect for their experience and help de-escalate the situation. This technique can help both parties come to a mutual understanding and find common ground.

Tips for Reflecting Feelings:

Pay attention to nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language.
Use phrases such as “I sense that you’re feeling…” or “It sounds like you’re experiencing…

Benefits of Reflecting Feelings:

Builds trust between speakers
Helps create an emotionally safe space where individuals can open up without fear of judgement

Overall, reflecting feelings during empathic listening requires active engagement with the other person by paying close attention to verbal and nonverbal communication. Through this reflective process, people will feel understood which leads towards positive outcomes in relationships or conflict resolutions.

Avoiding Judgment And Assumptions

Reflecting feelings and emotions is an essential aspect of empathic listening. By acknowledging the other person’s emotional state, we can create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and experiences. However, reflecting alone may not be enough to fully understand what someone is trying to convey. Active listening techniques such as avoiding assumptions are also crucial.

Assumptions can hinder our ability to truly listen and comprehend what someone else is saying.

It’s important to recognize that everyone has unique perspectives and experiences, so assuming we know what they’re thinking or feeling can lead to misunderstandings. Instead, we should focus on asking open-ended questions and clarifying statements to ensure we have a clear understanding of the speaker’s intended message.

To become better listeners, we must adopt active listening techniques that go beyond just reflection. One effective technique is paraphrasing- restating in your own words what you think the speaker said. This ensures both parties are on the same page and helps prevent misinterpretations. Another technique is summarizing- recapping key points made by the speaker at appropriate times. Finally, nonverbal cues like maintaining eye contact and nodding help show engagement in conversation.

Active Listening Techniques	Description	Example
Paraphrasing	Restating in your own words what you think the speaker said	“So it sounds like you’re saying…”
Summarizing	Recapping key points made by the speaker at appropriate times	“Let me see if I’ve got this right…”
Nonverbal Cues	Using body language (e.g., eye contact, nodding) to indicate engagement	Maintaining eye contact while leaning slightly forward during a talk

Overall, empathic listening requires us to actively engage with others through reflective and active listening techniques while avoiding assumptions about their perspective or intentions. By doing so, we create an environment where people feel heard and understood, leading to more meaningful connections.

Practicing Mindfulness

When it comes to empathic listening, mindfulness is a crucial component. Practicing mindfulness means being fully present and engaged in the moment without judgment or distraction. This level of awareness allows us to tune into others on a deeper level, understanding not only their words but also their tone, body language, and emotions.

One way to cultivate mindfulness is through mindful breathing exercises. Mindful breathing involves focusing your attention on your breath as you inhale and exhale slowly and deeply. By doing this, you can reduce stress levels, increase emotional regulation, and improve overall well-being . Incorporating mindful breathing into your daily routine can help you become more attuned to yourself and those around you.

Another effective technique for practicing mindfulness is through regular meditation sessions.

Mindfulness meditation involves sitting quietly and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings as they arise without getting caught up in them or judging them. With practice, this technique helps you develop greater self-awareness, compassion for others, and an ability to remain calm even in challenging situations. Adopting these practices will allow you to hone your empathy skills while becoming more grounded in the present moment.

Dealing With Difficult Conversations

Did you know that 90% of people avoid having difficult conversations altogether? It’s a staggering statistic, but it’s understandable. Dealing with conflict and confrontation can be uncomfortable, especially when emotions are running high. However, avoiding these tough talks only leads to further problems down the line.

As an empathic listening expert, I’ve seen firsthand the benefits of using this skill during difficult conversations. Here are three strategies for navigating those challenging discussions :

Practice active listening: When someone is upset or angry, they need to feel heard and understood. Take time to listen actively by summarizing what they’re saying and asking open-ended questions like “what else do you want me to understand?” This shows them that you care about their perspective and creates space for a productive conversation.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements: Starting sentences with “you” can come across as accusatory or confrontational, putting the other person on the defensive. Instead, use phrases like “I feel” or “I think,” which express your own thoughts without attacking theirs.
Be willing to compromise: In any disagreement, there will likely be some common ground where both parties can find agreement. Look for areas where you can give a little in order to move forward together.

By implementing these strategies for difficult conversations alongside empathic listening techniques, you’ll not only resolve conflicts more effectively but also build stronger relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

Building Trust And Rapport

Building rapport is a crucial component of empathic listening. It involves establishing trust and creating an environment where the other person feels comfortable enough to open up and share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. To build rapport, it’s important to show genuine interest in what the other person has to say and to be present with them in the moment.

One way to establish trust is by being transparent about your intentions. Let the other person know that you are there for them, not just to offer advice or solutions but also as a supportive listener who genuinely cares about their well-being. This can create a sense of safety and make it easier for the other person to open up.

By actively engaging with what the other person is saying, asking thoughtful questions, and reflecting back on what they’ve shared, you demonstrate that you value their perspective and want to understand them better. This helps foster deeper connections and strengthens relationships over time.

Overall, building rapport is essential for effective empathic listening. When done correctly, it creates a safe space where people feel heard, understood, and valued. With practice, anyone can develop this skillset and become more skilled at building trusting relationships through empathic listening techniques.

Using Empathic Listening In Professional Settings

As professionals, we often struggle with communication and understanding our colleagues or clients. However, by utilizing empathic listening techniques, we can build stronger relationships and improve overall productivity.

One effective exercise to practice empathic listening is to ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and feelings. By actively listening to their responses without interrupting or judging, we can gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and show genuine interest in what they have to say.

Another technique is mirroring, where you repeat back what the other person has said in your own words. This not only shows that you are actively engaged in the conversation but also allows for clarification of any misunderstandings. It demonstrates empathy by acknowledging their emotions while also providing an opportunity for validation.

By incorporating these active listening techniques into professional settings, we can create a more positive work environment built on trust and mutual respect. Empathic listening exercises help us understand others’ perspectives better while also improving our ability to communicate effectively. As experts in this field, it’s essential always to strive towards being an empathetic listener as it leads to better outcomes for all parties involved.

Making Empathic Listening A Daily Practice

Daily habits are crucial in implementing empathic listening techniques. The importance of making it a daily practice to improve your ability to listen with empathy can’t be stressed enough. It involves actively engaging and understanding what others feel and think without judgment or interruption.

To apply empathic listening techniques successfully, you must start by setting aside distractions such as mobile phones or other activities that may interfere with active listening. You should also create a comfortable environment conducive to communication, where the speaker feels safe expressing their thoughts and feelings genuinely.

Another essential habit is recognizing non-verbal cues such as tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, among others. These signals convey emotions often left unsaid and provide vital clues for truly empathetic listening . With these practices incorporated into your daily routine, you will be better equipped to understand others’ perspectives fully.

Incorporating empathy into our daily lives through active listening can significantly enhance our relationships with those around us. By learning to listen with intent and considering another’s perspective genuinely, we can build deeper connections based on trust and mutual respect. Remembering these simple steps each day will help us become more effective communicators while fostering greater compassion towards ourselves and others alike.

Resources And Further Reading

While attending an in-person workshop can be extremely beneficial, it’s not always feasible for everyone. Luckily, there are many online workshops available that allow you to learn at your own pace and from the comfort of your own home. These workshops offer interactive exercises and practical tips on how to improve your empathic listening skills.

In addition to online workshops, there are also several podcasts dedicated to improving communication skills, including empathic listening. Podcasts such as “The Art of Empathy” by Karla McLaren and “Empathy Rising” by Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli provide valuable insights and actionable advice on how to become a better listener.

Resources and Further Reading:

Check out some popular online workshops on empathic listening:
The Power of Listening
Active Listening Skills
The Art of Empathetic Listening
Here are some podcast recommendations for improving empathy:
The Art of Empathy with Karla McLaren
Empathy Rising with Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli
Unlocking Us with Brené Brown
On Being with Krista Tippett

Remember, becoming a better listener takes practice and patience. Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself struggling at first; just keep learning and growing. By incorporating these resources into your routine, you’ll soon find yourself developing stronger connections with those around you through the power of empathic listening.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can empathic listening help improve personal relationships.

As an empathic listening expert, I can confidently say that practicing this technique can bring tremendous benefits to personal relationships. By truly listening and understanding your partner’s feelings and perspectives, you create a safe space where they feel heard and valued.

Empathic listening exercises for couples can include paraphrasing what your partner has said, asking open-ended questions, and reflecting on their emotions. These techniques encourage deeper communication and foster trust in the relationship. Overall, empathic listening fosters more meaningful connections between partners by promoting empathy and emotional intelligence.

Can Empathic Listening Be Used To Resolve Conflicts?

When it comes to resolving conflicts, empathic listening can be an incredibly powerful tool. By utilizing techniques for empathic listening, such as active and reflective listening, individuals can better understand the perspectives of others involved in the conflict. This understanding sets the stage for more productive communication that is focused on finding solutions rather than assigning blame or escalating tension.

There are many examples of empathic listening being used successfully in conflict resolution, from mediating disputes between coworkers to addressing issues within a romantic relationship. Whether you are dealing with a minor disagreement or a major crisis, incorporating empathic listening into your approach can help promote understanding and create space for collaborative problem-solving.

How Can One Develop The Skill Of Empathic Listening?

To truly develop the skill of empathic listening, it’s important to engage in practical exercises. For instance, you can practice active listening by repeating back what someone has said to confirm understanding. Another exercise involves visualizing yourself as the speaker and imagining how you’d feel if someone listened with empathy.

However, be mindful of common pitfalls such as interrupting or letting your own biases color your interpretation. Remember that empathic listening is about being fully present for the other person without judgment. With regular practice and reflection, anyone can become an expert in this invaluable communication technique.

Are There Any Potential Drawbacks To Empathic Listening?

As an empathic listening expert, it is important to acknowledge the potential drawbacks of this skill. Burnout and emotional exhaustion are common consequences for those who consistently engage in deep levels of empathy. It is crucial to balance empathic listening with assertiveness by implementing strategies such as setting boundaries, taking breaks, and utilizing self-care techniques.

Learning how to say no or redirecting conversations can also help prevent burnout while still showing empathy towards others. Remember that empathic listening should not come at the cost of your own well-being; finding a healthy balance between empathy and assertiveness will ultimately benefit both you and those you are communicating with.

How Can Empathic Listening Be Used In Leadership And Management Roles?

As an empathic listening expert, it is clear that the benefits of utilizing this skill in leadership and management roles cannot be overstated. By actively engaging with team members through empathic listening, leaders can foster a sense of belonging and safety within their workplace culture, leading to increased productivity and job satisfaction. Additionally, empathic listening allows for effective team communication by ensuring all voices are heard and valued, leading to greater collaboration and innovative problem-solving. In short, incorporating empathic listening into leadership practices not only enhances individual relationships but also creates a positive ripple effect throughout the entire organization – truly a win-win situation!

In conclusion, empathic listening is a powerful tool that can enhance personal and professional relationships. By actively focusing on understanding the speaker’s perspective, we can build trust and strengthen bonds with others. Additionally, empathic listening can be used to resolve conflicts by de-escalating tense situations and promoting open communication.

While developing the skill of empathic listening takes time and practice, it is well worth the effort. One potential drawback to this approach may be that individuals who are not accustomed to being heard may initially feel uncomfortable or vulnerable sharing their thoughts and emotions. However, over time, they will likely come to appreciate having someone listen attentively without judgment.

As an expert in empathic listening, I encourage you to try incorporating this technique into your daily interactions with others. Ask yourself: How can I better understand what this person is saying? What might be motivating them or causing them distress? With practice, you’ll find that engaging in empathic listening not only strengthens your connections but also helps you become a more effective communicator overall.

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The Peer Review

Responding to the Whole Person: Using Empathic Listening and Responding in the Writing Center

Maureen McBride Brady Edwards Samantha Kutner Ash Thoms

This article examines the role of emotions in writing center consultations, specifically the use of Carl Rogers’ (1951) empathic listening and responding strategies as a way to acknowledge and engage students’ emotions during writing support. Using survey research and analysis of observations, the training consultants in Rogerian strategies was determined to be an effective approach.

Key words : Rogers, empathic listening, empathic responding, empathy, survey research, observation, training

Even with data about emotional impacts in college, such as the 2016 annual report from The Center for Collegiate Mental Health (Pennsylvania State University) listing anxiety as the most commonly reported issue (61%), there is a tendency in higher education to downplay emotions and the correlations of attending (or not) to affective dimensions and student success (Beard, Clegg, & Smith, 2007; Morin-Major et al., 2016). This emphasis on the cognitive aspects of writing can make higher education seem like an “emotion-free zone” (Mortiboys, 2011), but this is not always in students’ best interests. Since writing centers are embedded in the larger institutional culture, the emphasis on cognitive concerns impacts our work. Writing center scholarship has examples of addressing emotive concerns and includes discussions about therapeutic approaches. In tutor training manuals, many of the suggestions regarding working with emotional students set up a cautious position for the tutor (Lape, 2008). For many years, our scholarship has leaned toward cognitive discussions (Agostinelli, Poch, Santoro, 2000), and even recent reviews of writing center literature still reveal a concentration on cognitive skills and the negative impact of emotions (Lawson, 2015).

Seeing students as emotional beings, acknowledging that academia cannot be an “emotion-free zone,” is important. The question for writing centers is to what extent should we address the affective elements inherent in writing center work. Certainly, consultants are not counselors. If they attempt to act as such, they make themselves and the students with which they interact vulnerable in ways that may not be healthy. Additionally, writing centers cannot provide the tools, training, and certifications to prepare peer-writing consultants to address all the emotional needs of all students. But there are still tools within psychology that can be used to acknowledge the cognitive and emotive elements of students in writing centers in ways that are supportive of them as people first and writers second. In this article, we explore the ways in which addressing emotions in writing center work has been discussed and then look specifically at how using Carl Rogers’ (1951) empathic listening and responding approach can support the inclusion of emotions in writing consultations as a way to lead into our study examining and applying empathic listening at our writing center.

Emotions in Academia

Research suggests that writing centers should allow for and encourage students to be emotionally vulnerable (Beard, Clegg, and Smith, 2007). Driscoll and Powell (2016) also conclude that for the students in their study, emotions were an important part of learning, even when those emotions, such as anxiety and frustration, weren’t necessarily positive, which is why they encourage a better understanding of how emotions impact writing and transfer. What’s more, affective moments are important to learning: specific emotions of pride and shame have been argued to relate to student success and failure because they contribute to students’ identities and sense of belonging (Scheff as cited in Beard, Clegg, & Smith, 2007). Beard, Clegg, and Smith (2007) argue that providing mental and physical spaces to allow and encourage students to develop their language skills and to explore their emotional understanding of themselves and others leads to learning. Writing center scholarship, however, primarily focuses on how to acknowledge emotions in order to move past them, noting the negative impacts of emotions and how they complicate writing consultations (Agostinelli, Poch, & Santoro 2000; Follett, 2016; Lape, 2008; Lawson, 2015).

While most writing center scholars eventually acknowledge where emotions can be used within a consultation, initial suggestions for how to respond to students’ emotions are focused on how consultants can move past them or how they can find ways to remove emotions from discussions about writing (Agostinelli, Poch, and Santoro 2000; Follett, 2016). Framing emotion negatively, or as something that impedes writing consultations, seems to be a common practice. Agostinelli, Poch, and Santoro (2000) in their chapter, “Tutoring in Emotionally Charged Sessions,” warn that conflict is always a potential outcome. The authors explain that emotions are problematic because they make rational judgments for the tutor and the student more difficult. Agostinelli, Poch, and Santoro (2000) suggest that emotions are to be controlled because they complicate writing consultations; in response to emotions, the authors offer listening as a way to allow for students’ emotions to be quickly acknowledged before focusing on writing support. This quick acknowledgement and subsequent move away from emotions suggests that writing support may often be disconnected from students’ emotional responses and states, which can create resistance from students.

Follett (2016) also addresses ways that writing center scholarship about emotions promotes how to mitigate or remove the writers’ emotions. Adding to the conversations about emotions, Follett (2016) discusses how anxiety can activate a student’s engagement and academic performance, suggesting that anxiety in writing consultations does not need to be viewed negatively. Follett (2016), like Agostinelli, Poch, and Santoro (2000), discusses how controlling emotions, such as acknowledging emotions with the intent to reduce or eliminate them from discussion, can be a way to guide students to act as independent writers. Follett (2016) concludes that negative emotions can impede the work of writing consultations and so should always be addressed by consultants. Follett (2016) cites Traschel’s (1995) discussions of how sensitivity to students’ emotions supports feminist writing center pedagogy. Follett suggests that writing consultants should have activities they can use to respond to students’ emotions that include “listening, sharing, visiting, celebrating, and supporting” (p. 40). Follett (2016) concludes her literature review by asserting that writing center scholarship needs to address how heuristics for writing consultants’ responses to students’ emotions impact the learning in consultations.

The importance of recognizing and allowing students to include their emotional responses, whether those are positive or negative, in consultations is important because of the vulnerability students experience due to elevated emotional states. Mills (2011) and Lape (2008) describe situations in which emotion may impact writing sessions and discuss ways to allow for emotion and to respond. Particularly, these scholars suggest that writing consultants should respond to each student’s needs, whether that is a conversation about punctuation or a tissue to wipe away tears. Yanosky (2003), a peer tutor and certified mental health counselor, recommends that consultants observe nonverbal behavior and posturing, acknowledge negative behavior, and ask questions to help alleviate any anxiety students may feel during writing consultations. These techniques may help consultants avoid sessions that focus solely on negative emotions while simultaneously moving the locus of control regarding the writing and emotional state back to students.

Having clear approaches to recognize and include emotions in writing consultations is an important consideration for writing center administrators. Using therapeutic strategies to address emotions has a long history in writing center studies. Murphy (1989) identifies a correlation between the psychoanalytic process and tutoring in writing centers in “Freud in the Writing Center: The Psychoanalytics of Tutoring Well.” Murphy (1989) notes several similarities between counselors and writing consultants, including dealing with issues of hurt feelings, anxieties, and judgment. Additionally, she claims that students may exhibit “anxiety, self-doubt, negative cognition, and procrastination” (p. 14), which may make difficult situations more difficult or frustrating. Further, Murphy (1989) compares a good tutor to a good psychoanalyst because they both help people realize their potential and move toward using their knowledge and skills to help themselves. She sees the central point of connection between tutoring and psychotherapy as the dynamic interactions between people, requiring trust and vulnerability to reach intended goals.

To create an environment that allows for student vulnerability by reducing anxiety, writing center administrators must consider how their training impacts writing center culture and the student support within it. Ashton-Jones (1988) created such a guide to help both experienced and inexperienced writing tutors better understand their own rhetorical situations when working with students in the writing center. Ashton-Jones (1988) claims that writing center directors need to encourage critical inquiry that avoids prescribing an ideal way of addressing emotional responses. She encourages writing center administrators to help writing consultants develop skills so they can apply a range of rhetorical approaches and tutoring strategies, including establishing rapport, exploring potential, discovering strategies, and ongoing self-review . Harris (2000) echoes Ashton-Jones (1988) by suggesting that a good goal for training consultants is helping them develop a toolbox of strategies to use in writing consultations.

Many of the discussions about emotions in writing center consultations parallel Rogerian (1951) approaches to therapy. Rogers (1951) encourages therapists (consultants) to provide a place for emotions in discussions and to respond in ways that develop a sense of agency for the client (student). Additionally, the Rogerian approach mirrors many of the suggestions of mindful listening, such as those discussed by Kervin and Barrett (2018). Rogers’ (1951) empathic listening and responding offer a potential structure for training writing consultants in order to recognize and create space for emotions in consultations.

Empathic Listening & Responding

Empathy may play a more significant role than other strategies for responding because if a student feels misunderstood, it impedes work toward anything else. Empathy allows emotions to exist, not discrediting or trying to remove them from a writing consultation, but rather acknowledging and helping the student to recognize and understand their emotions as they relate to being a writer, a student, a human. Additionally, empathy does not imply removing or mitigating emotions but rather acknowledging them; in fact, Rogers claims that counselors (or consultants) need to project attitudes of acceptance of “feelings” to create a space in which both the cognitive and the emotive can exist (as cited in Arnold, 2014, p. 357). While some people have questioned if empathy can be taught, Gerdes and Segal (2011) claim that empathy is trainable. The key to teaching empathy is helping consultants learn how to help students feel heard. If rapport, empathic understanding, and congruence are present, the Rogerian model may allow the student to see and adjust themselves, in ways that not acknowledging their emotions prevent. It is important to examine how empathy can be used for writing center training in order to focus on active listening, attending skills, paraphrasing, and summarizing.

The concept of empathy has evolved, taken shape in various disciplines, and been imbued with different meanings in academia. It is important to consider the source in its original psychotherapeutic context and the way Rogers (1951) understood it before applying it to other fields: being empathetic means that the person listening sets aside personal views and values to better understand another person’s perspective without judging that perspective; it does not mean just listening. Researchers define empathy as the ability to accurately gauge and reflect the emotional state of another (Gerdes, 2011; Gerdes & Segal, 2011; Hollan, 2012). Lucas (2007) suggests that there are five types of empathy used in composition studies: relational, pedagogical, critical, rhetorical, and discursive. For the purpose of this paper, we are focusing on what Lucas (2007) labels relational empathy: “the awareness of another’s internal states and perspectives. . .generally one-on-one” (p. 104).

Within psychology, Carl Rogers developed therapy methods that shifted practices to be more client-centered and focused on the individual (as cited in Kensit, 2000, p. 346), which aligns with most writing center values. Rogers (1951) claimed there is no way for one person to know what is right or wrong for another person; therefore, all interactions must be non-judgmental and focus on a reflection of the client’s (student’s) feelings. Interpretation of another person’s words is seen as judgmental, so it is avoided (Troemel-Ploetz, 1980). Paraphrasing what a student/client says is a common strategy in psychology and writing centers; however, it needs to be used to explain what the listener hears, rather than presented as what the student/client says (e.g. “What I hear you saying. . .” instead of “So, you are saying. . .”). Using a Rogerian lens means that writing consultants approach writing support with an expectation that students have a desire to grow and reach a point of self-actualization; the writing consultant role is to provide a comfortable place for growth, and the student develops and grows on their own. Essentially, the student must be listened to, respected, and trusted in order for self-actualization to occur. Rogers believed people seeking help know the best way to proceed (Brooks & Clarke, 2011), so the role of a writing consultant as a help-giver is to be genuine, accept students as individuals, and show sensitivity to students’ feelings through empathic understanding and responding. Put another way, the writing center and its consultants should serve all students and all writing projects without judgment (Birnbaum, 1995). Rogers’ approach is a generative model that requires the interaction of the consultant and the student and expects the student to be the decision maker and primary agent in discussions and goal setting (Arnold, 2014).

While Rogers’ approach has been criticized as overly emotional and subjective, it is acknowledged as supportive of growth and self-actualization. Other critics within writing center studies have noted concerns about using therapeutic approaches because they place writing consultants in the position of “counselor” (Bisson, 2007; Gillespie & Learner, 2004; Hudson, 2001; Kervin & Barrett, 2018). However, empathetic listening and responding are considered elementary strategies and easily used by people with little to no training or experience, and employ a non-directive approach (Arnold, 2014). Additionally, using empathy can offset places where writing consultants do not have as much expertise to respond to cognitive aspects of consultations (Arnold, 2014). For example, consultants can ask more about process and student engagement with texts, rather than focusing on content or even structural questions. A common application of this strategy in our writing center is when an undergraduate student works with a PhD student. The consultant may not have expertise with the forms, norms, and stylistic elements, but the consultant can focus on the student, including where they are at with the process and how they are emotionally engaged with their topic. Focusing on the emotional aspects may help the student with clarity concerns and also strength of argument.

With so much that writing centers have to gain by examining affective dimensions, it is important to have a targeted approach that writing consultants can use. When emotions are not addressed, opportunities to engage more effectively with students and to support them as writers, students, and ultimately people may be missed. Arnold (2014) claims that using empathetic listening and responding has three main goals: 1) help the student express their emotions and thoughts; 2) help the student understand their thoughts and emotions; 3) help the student understand and accept their motivations. Achieving these goals leads to clarity of thinking for students and recognition of their available choices, leading to confident independence (Arnold, 2014). Rogerian methods for empathetic listening and responding can benefit consultants by allowing them to 1) find a balance between acknowledging students’ emotions and supporting their writing and 2) develop listening and responding strategies that support nondirective efforts that honor student agency.

To better understand how emotions impact writing consultants’ approaches to students and to understand the opportunities for empathic listening and responding in our writing center, we designed a study to gather information about how our writing consultants understand empathy and emotions within writing consultations and then to apply targeted training in Rogers’ empathic listening and responding as a training strategy. This research project responds to the calls for more aesthetic examinations of writing center work, of how to cultivate the benefits of encouraging emotions as part of writing consultations, and how administrators can train staff to respond to emotions in positive ways that do not dismiss or diminish those emotions as part of the writing process and as part of the writer.

Methods: Surveys & Observations

To examine how emotional responses were being addressed in our writing center, the director, a graduate student, and two undergraduate writing consultants created and distributed a survey to consultants as well as analyzed existing data. The surveys were pre- and post-examinations of how consultants identified and defined empathy in their writing center contexts. The existing data included observation notes and feedback from students about using the writing center services. Since we had data about anxiety from students who had used our writing center, we focused on this emotional response. Additionally, in routine observations of our writing consultations, both new and experienced consultants noted either increased productivity in sessions when peer-writing consultants addressed students’ emotional states or negative impact of missed opportunities to acknowledge students’ emotions.

Prior to any discussions of empathetic responding or our initial survey, both experienced and new writing consultants observed writing consultations and assessed how well consultants addressed students’ emotional states. According to Micciche (2005), “Emotion is crucial to how people form judgments about what constitutes appropriate action or inaction in a given situation—precisely the realm of ethics. The idea here is that emotions, like reasons, move people to judge, decide, and act in certain ways” (p. 169). In enacting this decision to observe and respond to students’ emotional states, consultants were observed to see if they made students comfortable through addressing anxiety about the writing center or writing more broadly.

To examine what empathetic responding might currently look like at our writing center, we reviewed a set of sixty observations that had been a natural part of our new semester training and mentoring process. Consultants completed the surveys as part of our ongoing professional development workshops. Since the observations and surveys were a standard part of our training and required by all writing consultants, it was considered programmatic research and was deemed exempt research by our IRB office.

The two surveys were given six weeks apart. The second survey repeated many of the same questions from the first (see appendix for survey questions). One question in our survey was designed to test attendance skills within the mirror model. It was a true/false question designed to assess how consultants accurately reflect a student’s concerns while setting the agenda. For example, if a student uses a term like “grammar,” should a consultant interpret what grammar means to them personally or should they utilize their attending skills to better reflect a student’s needs? Since this understanding was demonstrated by the majority of consultants during the initial survey, the question was excluded from the follow up. Before completing the second survey, writing consultants received a 45-minute training that explained empathy and provided an overview of Rogerian strategies as they might apply to writing center work. The 45-minute training included definitions of empathy from Rogers (1951) and differences between empathy and sympathy, connections to rapport building, discussions of how empathetic responding was not intended as counseling, a discussion of the value of empathy in writing consultations, discussion and activities to build active listening, attending skills, paraphrasing, summarizing, and reflecting emotions, videos that reinforced the concepts of empathy versus sympathy and active listening, and finally small group scenarios.

As part of our examination, we wanted to see if consultants were making assumptions about students or attempting to perceive students as they perceive themselves and their writing experiences (Arnold, 2014). To do this type of responding, consultants need to set evaluations aside to respond empathetically (Arnold, 2014). We wanted to see if the survey and observation data would have examples of consultants using empathetic responding. Since one marker is using sayback strategies of students’ emotional attitudes and then providing those students with opportunities for revision and clarification, we also looked for this in the survey responses and the observation notes (Arnold, 2014). We specifically wanted to see if consultants were just reflecting students’ perceptions and motivations or if the consultants were testing their understanding of students’ emotional states and perceptions to better align with the students (Arnold, 2014).

As part of this process, we reviewed observation notes looking for examples of notes about students’ emotional states, such as comfortability or anxiety. We used an open-coding method of reading and looking for examples and then compared our findings. The survey responses were put into an Excel spreadsheet, and then we read the responses using the open-coding method to identify patterns for responses, such as a consultant demonstrating empathy by explaining a similar situation they had experienced. Once categories were identified, we ran queries in the Excel file to identify all of the examples. This process was used for both of the surveys, which were similar with only slight variations [see appendix for copies of the surveys].

Results: Examining Survey and Observation Data from a Rogerian Lens

The results of the surveys and the observations are reflective of the scholarly conversations of empathy by Rogers (1951), Murphy (1989), Follett (2016), and Lucas (2011). The results also suggest that training for empathetic listening and responding can be effective.

In our initial survey, many of our consultants were able to explain definitions of empathy:

“Being understanding and lending an ear to whoever needs it. Not trivializing any concerns someone has”
“Listening and hearing, understanding and sympathizing with someone. Putting oneself in their shoes to understand their experience”
“I perceive empathy as a means in which you feel with someone as opposed to feeling for someone. It’s when you try and understand what they’re going through and imagine that you are going through the same, and then feel the emotions that they are feeling”

On the survey, of our writing consultants who responded (90% of our peer writing consultants) were able to provide a definition of empathy that suggested understanding and possibly feeling emotionally what another person is feeling. Several responses noted a distinction between sympathy and empathy.

Our survey also asked what empathy looks like in a writing consultation. These responses prompted a little more variation and deviated from Rogers’ (1951) definition of empathetic responding—trying to first understand the other person by using active and reflective listening—“I usually share personal experiences that make them feel as if they are not alone in nerves and also knock me off ‘holier than thou’ expert pedestal.” This connecting through shared personal experience illustrates the advice of Harris (2000) in which she encourages consultants to share relevant personal experiences with students, but contradicts the advice of Rogers (1951) that to be truly empathetic the focus must remain on the student (i.e. the consultant sharing their personal experiences may detract from the focus on the student). One of the respondents wrote, “I think it’s important to validate a student’s emotions. You have to be vocal and let them know that they’re not wrong for feeling the way they do.” While this second response illustrates acknowledging the student’s emotions, it includes a judgment about those emotions, which would be in contrast to Rogers (1951). Understanding the variations of how empathy is understood and applied in our writing center allowed us to target our training, specifically introducing Rogers’ (1951) concept of empathic listening.

In observations of writing consultations in which empathy was noted, one observer stated, “She [the writing consultant] was empathetic; because he [the student] was writing about a traumatic event in his life; she made sure that he wasn’t uncomfortable.” Another observer wrote, “The student seemed at ease and conversation flowed naturally without any awkward pauses.” Other comments relevant to our examination of empathetic understanding included the following:

“Since the session was focused on brainstorming, developing rapport proved effective in helping the student feel comfortable articulating ideas”
“He [the consultant] was quite forthcoming with praise and encouragement. This helped the student feel confident in asking questions and guiding the agenda”
“She [the consultant] was a good listener”

All of these responses on the observation forms suggest that even new consultants were observant of emotional impact in consultations, relating these to several key empathetic responding strategies, such as listening and validating emotions.

While there were several noted positive moments of empathetic responding, the observation responses also noted missed opportunities: “Rapport building could’ve made her feel more comfortable. She seemed very tense and nervous since it was her first visit to the WC;” and “. . . missed opportunities to build rapport; namely to ask him about himself, to delve deeper into his time as a student or the details he rattled off about his family.” Both of these observation notes highlight the writing consultants focusing more on the writing and not on the students as individuals first. The notes from these observations suggest that students’ emotions were not encouraged or acknowledged, which both observers noted as impeding the effectiveness of the sessions.

We also asked our consultants what it feels like when rapport, defined by writing consultants as “setting a student at ease,” is effectively established. Consultants explained that effective rapport is “[l]ike you’re trying to take up an interest in a new person and learn about them;” “It makes the student feel more comfortable and like they can trust me;” “It feels like both the consultant and the student are more comfortable.” Such responses suggest that many of our consultants already connect rapport with a student’s emotional state at the beginning of the consultation. Using this knowledge to connect rapport and empathy in training may help writing consultants make shifts in their practices.

In the second survey distributed two months after the first survey, consultants used the language that was presented in the 45-minute training, incorporating “active listening,” “attending skills,” “body positioning,” “validating,” and “reflecting” into their responses. Three shifts were noted between the first and second surveys. Most notably, writing consultants’ definitions of empathy dropped all references to sympathy and many added explanations of validating and reflecting students’ emotions. New definitions of empathy from our writing consultants included:

“Empathy refers to legitimate reciprocity of feelings between individuals”
“Understanding what a person is going through and accurately reflecting it”
“Showing genuine concern towards another and making an effort to validate their feelings”

Second, examples of demonstrating empathy shifted. In the first survey, the majority of consultant responses included the sharing of personal experiences to establish common experiences, while consultant responses in the second survey addressed validating students’ concerns, using active listening and employing summarizing/paraphrasing techniques. Specifically, the consultants stated, “By actively listening to the student and clarifying what they’re telling me by repeating it back to them [I can demonstrate empathy;]” and “[You need to] hear what the student is saying and actively respond to what they are saying.” These shifts illustrate how consultants’ views of empathy shifted from sharing of experiences and emotional responses to focused listening with the intent of learning more about the student (not necessarily more about where experiences overlapped).

The third shift was slight and occurred in how consultants addressed student anxiety. Consultants went from a strong paper or content focus to a stronger focus on the student, reassuring the student’s feelings and validating their experiences. Such a shift was brought to our attention with responses like: “Ask them to talk to me about what’s worrying them, be supportive, express confidence in them, point out what they do well;” and “I let them vent any frustrations and provide positive reinforcements. I avoid any instance of self-reference or generalization.” These adjustments to their understanding of empathy and how empathic listening can be employed in writing consultations suggests that the training had an impact on the behaviors of the writing consultants.

Discussion: What Does Empathy Training Mean?

Micciche (2005) claims that examining similarities and differences among people when power is not distributed equally among them requires finding a balance between keeping boundaries between self and others, and blurring those boundaries enough to achieve empathy. By allowing our consultants the ability to observe and scrutinize consultations, seeing the emotions that students bring with them to the writing center, we helped them to see the power of empathy and by default, the reality that the emotions students bring with them to appointments are not at all different from the ones the consultants themselves have on a daily basis. This ability to empathize naturally offers writing consultants an accessible route to responding to the emotive states of students without judgment; additionally, it may potentially allow, and even encourage, the students using writing centers to be emotional beings as academic writers, unifying the cognitive and motive aspects of the person.

Prior to training, our consultants often defaulted to sharing personal experiences as a way to demonstrate empathy and establish a sense of shared experience in consultations, which deviates from Rogers’ (1951) theories of empathic responding. Rogers (1951) would claim that the writing consultants are removing a student’s sense of agency, pointing out that this kind of sharing is not an effective way to validate the student’s emotional experiences—thus, not a good way to demonstrate empathetic responding. Such responses suggest that in an effort to validate the emotions of others, our consultants unwittingly bring themselves into the conversation in order to support the student. The frequency of sharing personal experiences suggests that training is important in order to move consultants from sympathetic to empathic responding. Shifts in language and examples between the first and second surveys demonstrate that even minimal training can have an impact on how consultants acknowledge students’ emotional states.

The observation notes about missed opportunities illustrate the problems created when emotions are not acknowledged or intentionally included as part of a writing consultation. These missed opportunities highlight the value of pursuing this type of training in order to development our consultants’ range of strategies that they can employ in consultations. As Driscoll and Powell (2016) noted in their study results, writing consultants may be able to help students harness emotions to be generative and help them practice ways to deal with naturally occurring negative emotions.

Ultimately, we determined that Rogerian therapy principles are closely aligned with our rapport building and non-directive question asking strategies. More specifically, training our writing consultants to better understand empathetic responding strengthened our consultants’ understanding of how to reduce anxiety for students and how to set up a writing consultation that recognizes the unique cognitive and emotive needs of each student. This approach supports non-directive approaches and student agency. Certainly, there are limitations to our study, such as the time frame. We will return to empathic listening in future semesters to determine if the shifts we were able to create have had a lasting impact. Additionally, adding interviews of writing consultants would add more depth to our understanding of how consultants respond to emotions and how they employ the Rogerian strategies. Student perspectives could also expand the scope of this study.

Our recommendations for other writing centers are to implement more intentional strategies, such as Rogerian empathetic listening and responding, and to train writing consultants to be better responders to students’ emotional states. Specifically, we recommend including differences between empathy and sympathy and developing paraphrasing skills to acknowledge students’ emotional states. Helping our consultants realize that shared experiences are helpful but that the focus needs to remain on the student helped improve our staff’s ability to maintain a non-directive, student-centered approach. Incorporating these discussions and strategies as an integral part of training can lead to writing centers being places where students can receive writing support and learn emotional management (Driscoll & Powell, 2016).

While our staff looked at Rogerian methods of using empathy as a way to reduce anxiety, moving forward we will be looking at ways to nurture all emotions in our consultations to allow for the whole student to be a participant in the consultations, implementing what Trachsel (1995) has called an ethic of care in which people are able to merge professional identities with their emotional/caring selves to better work toward whole versions of self. Additionally, we will continue to assess how the new training we have implemented impacts our ability to acknowledge affective dimensions of tutoring and what that can mean for students using our writing support.

Agostinelli, C., Poch, H., & Santoro, E. (2000). Tutoring in emotionally charged sessions. In B.A. Rafoth (Ed.), A tutor’s guide: Helping writers one to one (17-23). Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook Publishers: Heinemann.

Arnold, K. (2014). Behind the mirror: Reflective listening and its tain in the work of Carl Rogers. The Humanistic Psychologist, 42 (4), 354-369. doi:10.1080/08873267.2014.913247

Ashton-Jones, E. (1988). Asking the right questions: A heuristic for tutors. The Writing Center Journal, 9 (1), 29-36. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/43460769

Beard, C., Clegg, S., & Smith, K. (2007). Acknowledging the affective in higher education. British Educational Research Journal, 33 (2), 235-252. doi:10.1080/01411920701208415

Birnbaum, L. C. (1995). Toward a gender-balanced staff in the writing center. Writing Lab Newsletter, 19 (8), 6-7. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v19/19-8.pdf

Bisson, L. (2007). A tutee’s tears. Writing Lab Newsletter , 32 (4), 14-15. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v32/32.4.pdf

Brooks, A., & Clarke, L. (2011). Combining client-centred therapy with attribution theory: Andrea Brooks and Liam Clarke explain how Rogerian counselling techniques can be adapted to produce a pragmatic alternative to cognitive behaviour therapy. Mental Health Practice, 14 (9), 34-37. doi:10.7748/mhp2011.06.14.9.34.c8527.

Clark, A. J. (2010). Empathy: An integral model in the counseling process. Journal of Counseling & Development, 88 (3), 348-356. doi:10.1002/j.1556-6678.2010.tb00032.x

Driscoll, D. L., & Powell, R. (2016). States, traits, and dispositions: The impact of emotion on writing development and writing transfer across college courses and beyond. Composition Forum, 34. Retrieved from https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1113424.pdf

Follett, J. (2016). “How do you feel about this paper?” A mixed-methods study of how writing center tutors address emotion. Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global. (Order No. 10243051).

Gerdes, K. E. (2011). Empathy, sympathy, and pity: 21st-century definitions and implications for practice and research. Journal of Social Service Research, 37 (3), 230-241. doi:10.1080/01488376.2011.564027

Gerdes, K. E., & Segal, E. (2011). Importance of empathy for social work practice: Integrating new science. Social Work, 56 (2), 141-148. doi:10.1093/sw/56.2.141

Gillespie, P. & Learner, N. (2004). The Allyn and Bacon guide to peer tutoring . New York, NY: Longman.

Harris, M. (2000). Talk to me: Engaging reluctant writers. In B.A. Rafoth (Ed.), A tutor’s guide: Helping writers one to one (24-34). Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook Publishers: Heinemann.

Hollan, D. (2012). The definition and morality of empathy. Emotion Review, 4 (1), 83-83. doi:10.1177/1754073911421396

Hudson, T. (2001). Head ‘em off at the pass: Strategies for handling emotionalism in the Writing Center. Writing Lab Newsletter , 25 (5), 10-12. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v25/25.5.pdf

Kensit, D. A. (2000). Rogerian theory: A critique of the effectiveness of pure client-centred therapy. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 13 (4), 345-351. doi:10.1080/713658499

Kervin, C. E., & Barrett, H. E. (2018). Emotional management over time management: Using mindfulness to address student procrastination. Writing Lab Newsletter: A Journal of Writing Center Scholarship, 42 (9-10), 10-17. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v42/42.9-10.pdf

Lape, N. (2008). Training tutors in emotional intelligence: Toward a pedagogy of empathy. Writing Lab Newsletter , 33 (2), 1-6. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v33/33.2.pdf

Lawson, D. (2015). Metaphors and ambivalence: Affective dimensions in writing center studies. WLN: A Journal of Writing Center Scholarship, 40 (3-4), 20-27. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v40/40.3-4.pdf

Lucas, J. (2007). Getting personal: Responding to student self-disclosure. Teaching English in the Two Year College, 34 (4), 367-379. Retrieved from http://unr.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/220956891?accountid=452

Lucas, J. M. (2011). Not just a feeling anymore: Empathy and the teaching of writing (Doctoral dissertation). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global; Social Science Premium Collection. (Order No. 3453603)

Micciche, L. (2005). Emotion, ethics, and rhetorical action. JAC, 25 (1), 161-184. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/20866681

Mills, G. (2011) Preparing for emotional sessions. The Writing Lab Newsletter , 35 (5-6), 1-25. Retrieved from https://wlnjournal.org/archives/v35/35.5-6.pdf

Morin-Major, J. K., Marin, M., Durand, N., Wan, N., Juster, R., & Lupien, S. J. (2016). Facebook behaviors associated with diurnal cortisol in adolescents: Is befriending stressful? Psychoneuroendocrinology, 63 , 238-246. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2015.10.005

Mortiboys, A. (2011). Teaching with emotional intelligence: A step-by-step guide for higher and further education professionals (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group.

Murphy, C. (1989). Freud in the writing center: The psychoanalytics of tutoring well. The Writing Center Journal, 10 (1), 13-18. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/43444112

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Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy, its current practice, implications, and theory . Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin.

Trachsel, M. (1995). Nurturant ethics and academic ideals: Convergence in the writing center. The Writing Center Journal, 16 (1), 24-45. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/43441986

Troemel-Ploetz, S. (1980). “I’d come to you for therapy”: Interpretation, redefinition and paradox in Rogerian therapy. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 17 (3), 246-257. doi:10.1037/h0085918

Yanosky, T. (2003). Adapting counseling skills to peer tutoring in writing. Dangling Modifier, 9 (2). Retrieved from: https://sites.psu.edu/thedanglingmodifier/?page_id=20

1 st Survey

Short Answer

What does empathy mean to you?
How do you demonstrate empathy during a consultation?
What are common fears and/or anxieties you see during consultations?
How do you go address these fears and/or anxieties?
What have been some of the most effective skills (either taught or picked up on your own) you have gained in working with student writers?
What does it feel like to establish rapport?
What are consultations like when initial rapport/trust is only partially established?

Multiple-Choice & True/False 8. If I am genuine, positive, and empathetic in my responses in consultations, then the students I work with are more likely to. . .

[please select all that apply] _____develop more realistic goals in their writing _____be more responsive and engaged in sessions _____be more open to challenging themselves and trying new things _____take ownership in their abilities as a writer _____trust more in their abilities as a writer

When a student says that they want to work on grammar, I write grammar and then help them with my interpretation of what I think they mean.

10. Agenda setting is a chance for me to. . .

[please select all that apply] _____empathetically listen to their concerns _____accurately reflect what their concerns are _____confirm that what the student wants matches what I have put on the agenda If I create a welcoming, non-judgmental environment, then student’s initial anxiety about writing generally may decrease.

A senior psychology major is working on a major research project. She is struggling to meet her deadline and is unsure about APA format, in addition to major content issues in her paper.

Choose the best two questions a consultant might ask themselves.

_____How can I help this student grow and develop their voice as a writer?

_____What caused this person to procrastinate their paper? _____Why does this senior not know how to use APA format? _____How can I help this student grow and develop their ideas within the limited time frame of our session?

Our sessions are. . .

[Choose 1] _____Consultant-centered. _____Student-Centered.

2 nd Survey

What does empathy mean?
How do you demonstrate empathy during a writing center consultation?
What are effective ways to address students’ fears and/or anxieties?

Multiple-Choice & True/False If I am genuine, positive, and empathetic in my responses in consultations, then the students I work with are more likely to. . .

our session?

How does reducing student anxiety help you as a writing consultant?
Explain if and how Rogerian strategies can effectively be applied to consultations in our Writing Center to help reduce student anxiety.

Listening and Empathy Responding Expository Essay

To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
As a template for you assignment

Many people spend over 60% of their daily activities communicating and about 40% of that time listening. Therefore, listening and empathy are vital skills we require in order to communicate with others.

We all desire to be listened to and someone feels insulted when no one pays attention to what we say. Empathy implies the ability to understand another person in a way that you are able to identify and discern his/her feelings. Therefore, a good friend must posses these attributes.

Good listening and empathy demonstrate that you care and understand the other person. In fact, people will be more comfortable to share their personal feelings with you. How can you learn to be a good listener as well as be empathetic? There are several steps involved:

First of all, you need to learn how to be a good and active listener. Listening is a form of art and demands that we develop an interest to know what the other person is saying.

It also means that we shun the many frequent obstacles to effective listening, for example; attempting to read the mind of the speaker, comparing your experience to the speaker, preparing on the type of response to give next, believing that you are always right hence no need to listen, appeasing the talker by agreeing with everything he/she says and changing the topic in a hastily manner. As a result of these obstacles, we are only able to remember about 60% of what the speaker says.

It is not easy to listen because our concentration threshold is about 16 minutes. Nonetheless, a good listener irrespective of the distractions always gets back on track and makes inquiries to understand what is being said. A good listener must avoid parochial opinions, prejudices and assuming defensive positions.

In addition, a good listener pays close attention to the body language and facial expressions of the speaker. His/her looks maintain eye contact with the speaker and nods on regular basis to encourage the speaker share his/her personal experiences freely.

Second, a good listener understands what empathy responding entails. He/she must respond to let the speaker know that he/she was understood. Usually, when we are offended, we want to articulate and share our feelings with an empathic person. Therefore, a good empathizer concentrates on the speakers’ feelings and not on his/her situation.

For instance, when listening to a friend who has just been dumped by his/her lover, do not ask “how did he/she say it?” but rather, focus on his/her feelings “you feel dumped and lost”. By doing this, the speaker will be encouraged to investigate the gist of the problem. An empathetic listener helps the speaker to handle his/her feelings before laying focus on how to solve the problem.

There are different levels of empathy responding. Making distracting comments is one of them. For example, a friend is protesting about racial discrimination at school and you say “the party I attended last night was marvelous!” Many people are guilty of un-empathetic responses.

Most of us are constant questioners and instant reassures. In some cases, we view our friend’s problems as intellectual challenges hence we dispose the problem in a short time and without giving it much thought. It is important to note that it takes time and good listening skills to be able to understand what your friend is saying.

A good listener is empathic because he/she takes time to understand what the speaker is saying. He keeps eye contacts and leans towards the speaker to assure him/her undivided attention. Finally, a good listener is neither judgmental nor prejudice. He/she focuses on what the speaker is saying and encourages him to freely share his problems.

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1. IvyPanda . "Listening and Empathy Responding." June 15, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/listening-and-empathy-responding/.

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How to Cultivate Empathic Listening: 11 Techniques for Better Communication

Effective communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, personal or professional. One key aspect often overlooked in conversations is empathic listening—the ability to understand and connect with others on a deeper level.

In this blog post, we'll explore what empathic listening is and provide 11 top techniques that will help you cultivate this essential skill.

Plus, you'll discover how Fireflies.ai is a must-have tool on your journey to empathetic listening.

Empathetic listening is a communication skill that involves fully focusing on and understanding another person's perspective, feelings, and experiences without judgment.

Being an empathetic listener means creating a supportive space for the speaker to express themselves.

This allows you to build trust, foster open communication, and strengthen interpersonal relationships.

With that being said, here are 11 must-try empathetic listening techniques:

1. Ask open-ended questions

Encourage the speaker to share more by asking open-ended questions. These questions prompt detailed responses and show that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings.

Empathic listening - Ask open ended questions

Avoid yes-or-no questions, as they tend to limit the depth of the conversation. An example of an open-ended question is, "What aspects of this situation are most important to you?"

2. Empathize without offering solutions

Sometimes, when someone shares their struggles or concerns, our natural inclination is to provide immediate solutions.

However, if you want to be a better listener, you need to resist this urge. Instead, focus on empathizing with the speaker's emotions without rushing to offer fixes.

For example, if a friend expresses frustration about a challenging situation at work, instead of providing solutions, you can empathize by saying, "I can imagine how tough that must be for you. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now."

3. Listen patiently

Empathetic listening begins with a commitment to patiently hear what the other person has to say, even if their perspective differs from yours.

It involves actively demonstrating acceptance through non-verbal cues like nodding or using phrases such as "I understand" or "I see."

Also, you should resist the impulse to interrupt, even if you're eager to share your own experiences. Instead, let the speaker express themselves fully and take the time they need to articulate their thoughts and emotions.

4. Be present

To be a good listener, you need to be fully present in the moment and provide your undivided attention.

To achieve this, eliminate distractions by creating a conducive environment for communication. For example, you can put away your phone, close your laptop, and turn off notifications.

Other ways to show to demonstrate your attentiveness include:

Maintaining eye contact
Keeping your posture relaxed and open, e.g., avoid crossing your arms
Leaning forward
Using verbal affirmations such as "right" or "uh huh."

5. Pay attention to non-verbal cues

Non-verbal cues often convey more than words alone. So, when practicing empathic listening, pay close attention to the speaker's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.

These cues may offer valuable insights into unspoken emotions or reservations, providing a better understanding of the speaker's state of mind.

6. Embrace silence

Silence can be a powerful tool in communication. Resist the urge to fill pauses; instead, allow the person speaking to express themselves at their own pace.

Silence can indicate various things, such as the individual contemplating their thoughts or managing emotions during the conversation.

7. Repeat statements as questions

Empathic listening - Repeat statements as questions

To delve deeper into the speaker's thoughts, employ the technique of repeating their statements as questions.

This subtle encouragement often prompts individuals to provide additional details or insights.

For instance, if the speaker says, "I'm just feeling really overwhelmed with this project," you can probe further by replying, "You say you're feeling overwhelmed with the project?"

8. Be honest when asked questions

When the speaker asks for your input, you need to be honest with them. However, you should be careful not to influence their thoughts or hinder further communication.

Striking a balance between honesty and sensitivity contributes to a trusting and open dialogue.

9. Don't judge

Avoid being judgmental by setting aside personal opinions and biases when listening to the speaker's thoughts and opinions.

This is why it's crucial to maintain an open mind throughout the conversation. If you find yourself reacting to something, acknowledge these reactions and make a conscious effort to let them go.

The goal is to be fully present for the other person, recognizing the validity of their experience, even if it differs from your own.

10. Assure the speaker of confidentiality

Maintaining confidentiality is another crucial element of empathetic listening. Assuring the speaker that their disclosures will remain private will help build trust and encourage the speaker to share more freely.Related: The Ultimate Guide to Zoom Security Features & Settings: 7 Steps to Protect Your Meetings

11. Remember to follow-up

After the initial conversation, check in with the person to see if they have additional questions or comments.If necessary, you can arrange for another meeting time. This follow-up reinforces your ongoing support and commitment to understanding their perspective.

Strengthen your empathetic listening skills using Fireflies.ai

Fireflies is an AI-powered meeting tool that can help you improve your empathetic listening skills with its advanced transcription and note-taking capabilities.

Let's check out how Fireflies can help you listen more empathetically.

1. Accurate meeting transcriptions

Fireflies.ai automatically records , transcribes, and summarizes all your meetings/calls across various platforms, including Google Meet, Zoom, Teams, Webex, and more.

It captures all valuable conversations and stores them in a centralized location to make them more accessible.

Now, you can actively engage in conversations during meetings, knowing that Fireflies is effectively handling the documentation of all discussions.

By storing all your meetings, Fireflies allows you to revisit and reflect on the nuances of each discussion easily. This way, you can gain a deeper understanding of others' perspectives and identify how to improve your communication style .

2. Smart Search

With its Smart Search filter, Fireflies lets you quickly review your calls and retrieve key information in minutes. You can search for dates, times, metrics, questions, and more.

This allows you to grasp any underlying messages in your conversations and make sure that you don't miss any crucial details.

3. Conversation Intelligence

Fireflies also lets you extract key meeting insights with its Conversation Intelligence feature. You can track topics and access metrics like speaker talk time, words spoken per minute, talk-to-listen ratio, sentiment , monologues, etc.

The talk-to-listen ratio is particularly important, as it shows you the ratio of time you talked vs. time you listened during your meetings. This metric will empower you to identify areas for improvement, ensuring a more balanced and empathetic approach to conversations.

💡 Boost your listening skills and build more meaningful relationships with Fireflies

Be present in conversations, avoid distractions, capture key meeting discussions, and elevate your listening game.

The takeaway

Cultivating empathic listening is an ongoing process that requires conscious effort and practice.

As you strive to become an empathetic listener, remember that it's not merely about hearing words; it's about understanding emotions, perspectives, and experiences.

By implementing these 11 techniques into your daily interactions and leveraging Fireflies' conversation intelligence tools, you'll be well on your way to improving your communication skills!

Image illustrations by Freepik

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Abstract painting of a man with a pipe and a woman seated. The background includes a pink wall, yellow couch, and a small table with a potted plant.

Husband and Wife (detail, 1945) by Milton Avery. Gift of Mr and Mrs Roy R Neuberger. Photo by Allen Phillips/ Wadsworth Atheneum

The art of listening

To listen well is not only a kindness to others but also, as the psychologist carl rogers made clear, a gift to ourselves.

by M M Owen + BIO

Writing in Esquire magazine in 1935, Ernest Hemingway offered this advice to young writers: ‘When people talk, listen completely… Most people never listen.’ Even though Hemingway was one of my teenage heroes, the realisation crept up on me, somewhere around the age of 25: I am most people. I never listen.

Perhaps never was a little strong – but certainly my listening often occurred through a fog of distraction and self-regard. On my worst days, this could make me a shallow, solipsistic presence. Haltingly, I began to try to reach inside my own mental machinery, marshal my attention differently, listen better. I wasn’t sure what I was doing; but I had crossed paths with a few people who, as a habit, gave others their full attention – and it was powerful. It felt rare, it felt real; I wanted them around.

As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion, or blinking. When the concept of listening is addressed at any length, it is in the context of professional communication; something to be honed by leaders and mentors, but a specialisation that everyone else can happily ignore. This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone.

Along the way, I discovered that Carl Rogers, one of the 20th century’s most eminent psychologists, had put a name to this underrated skill: ‘active listening’. And though Rogers’s work was focused initially on the therapeutic setting, he drew no distinction between this and everyday life: ‘Whatever I have learned,’ he wrote, ‘is applicable to all of my human relationships.’ What Rogers learnt was that listening well – which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well – is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have.

T he paucity of my listening powers dawned on me as a byproduct of starting to meditate. This is not to make some claim to faux enlightenment – simply to say that meditation is the practice of noticing what you notice, and meditators tend to carry this mindset beyond the yoga mat, and begin to see their own mind more clearly. Among a smorgasbord of other patterns and quirks, what I saw was a self that, too often, didn’t listen.

The younger me enjoyed conversation. But a low, steady egoism meant that what I really enjoyed was talking. When it was someone else’s turn to talk, the listening could often feel like a chore. I might be passively absorbing whatever was being said – but a greater part of me would be daydreaming, reminiscing, making plans. I had a habit of interrupting, in the rather masculine belief that, whatever others had to say, I could say better for them. Sometimes, I would zone out and tune back in to realise that I’d been asked a question. I had a horrible habit, I saw, of sitting in silent linguistic craftsmanship, shaping my answer for when my turn came around – and only half-listening to what I’d actually be responding to.

The exceptions to this state of affairs, I began to see, were situations where there existed self-interest. If the subject was me, or material that might be of benefit to me, my attention would automatically sharpen. It was very easy to listen to someone explaining what steps I needed to take to ace a test or make some money. It was easy to listen to juicy gossip, particularly of the kind that made me feel fortunate or superior. It was easy to listen to debates on topics where I had a burning desire to be right. It was easy to listen to attractive women.

Bad listening signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them

On bad days, this attentional autopilot constricted me. On topics of politics or philosophy, this made me a bore and a bully. People avoided disagreeing with me on anything, even trivial points, because they knew it would balloon into annoyance and a failure to listen to their reasoning. In my personal life, too often, I could forget to support or lift up those around me. The flipside of not listening is not questioning – because, when you don’t want to listen, the last thing you want to do is trigger the exact scenario in which you are most expected to listen. And so I didn’t ask my friends serious questions often enough. I liked jokes, and I liked gossip; but I’d forget to ask them the real stuff. Or I’d ask them things they’d already told me a week ago. Or forget to ask about their recent job interview or break-up.

This is where bad listening does the most damage: it signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them, or you do but only in a skittish, flickering sort of a way. And so people become wary of opening up, or asking for advice, or leaning on you in the way that we lean on those people we truly believe to be big of heart.

All of the above makes for rather a glum picture, I know. I don’t want to overstate things. I wasn’t a monster. I cared for people and, when I concentrated, I could show it. I was liked, I made my way in the world, I apparently possessed what we call charisma. Plenty of the time, I listened fine. But this may be precisely the point: you can coast along in life as a bad listener. We tend to forgive it, because it’s common.

Kate Murphy, in her book You’re Not Listening (2020), frames modern life as particularly antagonistic to good listening:

[W]e are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people.

Why do we accept bad listening? Because, I think, listening well is hard, and we all know it. Like all forms of self-improvement, breaking this carapace requires intention, and ideally guidance.

W hen I discovered Rogers’s writings on listening, it was confirmation that, in many conversations, I had been getting it all wrong. When listening well, wrote Rogers and his co-author Richard Evans Farson in 1957, the listener ‘does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. He actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what he hears, and he tries, by his listening, to help the speaker work out his own problems.’ This was exactly the stance I had only rarely adopted.

Born in 1902 – in the same suburb of Chicago as Hemingway, three years earlier – Rogers had a strict religious upbringing. As a young man, he seemed destined for the ministry. But in 1926, he crossed the road from Union Theological Seminary to Columbia University, and committed himself to psychology. (At this time, psychology was a field so new and so in vogue that, in 1919, during negotiations for the Treaty of Versailles, Sigmund Freud had secretly advised Woodrow Wilson’s ambassador in Paris.)

Rogers’s early work was focused on what were then called ‘delinquent’ children; but, by the 1940s, he was developing a new approach to psychotherapy, which came to be termed ‘humanistic’ and ‘person-centred’. Unlike Freud, Rogers believed that all of us possess ‘strongly positive directional tendencies’. Unhappy people, he believed, were not broken; they were blocked. And as opposed to the then-dominant modes of psychotherapy – psychoanalysis and behaviourism – Rogers believed that a therapist should be less a problem-solver, and more a sort of skilled midwife, drawing out solutions that already existed in the client. All people possess a deep urge to ‘self-actualise’, he believed, and it is the therapist’s job to nurture this urge. They were there to ‘release and strengthen the individual, rather than to intervene in his life’. Key to achieving this goal was careful, focused, ‘active’ listening.

That this perspective doesn’t seem particularly radical today is a testament to Rogers’s legacy. As one of his biographers, David Cohen, writes , Rogers’s therapeutic philosophy ‘has become part of the fabric of therapy’. Today, in the West, many of us believe that going to therapy can be an empowering and positive move, rather than an indicator of crisis or sickness. This shift owes a great deal to Rogers. So too does the expectation that a therapist will allow themselves to enter into our thinking, and express a careful but tangible empathy. Where Freud focused on the mind in isolation, Rogers valued more of a merging of minds – boundaried, but intimate.

On bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle

Active listening, for Rogers, was essential to creating the conditions for growth. It was one of the key ingredients in making another person feel less alone, less stuck, and more capable of self-insight.

Rogers held that the basic challenge of listening is this: consciousnesses are isolated from one another, and there are thickets of cognitive noise between them. Cutting through the noise requires effort. Listening well ‘requires that we get inside the speaker, that we grasp, from his point of view , just what it is he is communicating to us.’ This empathic leap is a real effort. It is much easier to judge another’s point of view, analyse it, categorise it. But to put it on, like a mental costume, is very hard. As a teenager, I was a passionate atheist and a passionate Leftist. I saw things as very simple: all believers are gullible, and all conservatives are psychopaths, or at minimum heartless. I could hold to my Manichean view precisely because I had made no effort to grasp anyone else’s viewpoint.

Another of my old mental blocks, also flagged by Rogers, is the instinct that anyone I’m talking to is likely dumber than me. This arrogance is terrible for any attempt at listening, as Rogers recognises: ‘Until we can demonstrate a spirit which genuinely respects the potential worth of an individual,’ he writes, we won’t be good listeners. Previously, on bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle. I would look for clues that this person was wrong, and could be made to feel wrong. But as Rogers writes, to listen well, we ‘must create a climate which is neither critical, evaluative, nor moralising’.

‘Our emotions are often our own worst enemies when we try to become listeners,’ he wrote. In short, a great deal of bad listening comes down to lack of self-control. Other people animate us, associations fly, we are pricked by ideas. (This is why we have built careful social systems around not discussing such things as religion or politics at dinner parties.) When I was 21, if someone suggested that some pop music was pretty good, or capitalism had some redeeming features, I was incapable of not reacting. This made it very hard for me to listen to anyone’s opinion but my own. Which is why, Rogers says, one of the first skills to learn is non-intervention. Patience. ‘To listen to oneself,’ he wrote, ‘is a prerequisite to listening to others.’ Here, the analogy with meditation is clear: don’t chase every thought, don’t react to every internal event, stay centred. Today, in conversation, I try to constantly remind myself: only react, only intervene, when invited or when it will obviously be welcome. This takes practice, possibly endless practice.

And when we do intervene, following Rogers, we must resist the ever-present urge to drag the focus of the conversation back to ourselves. Sociologists call this urge ‘the shift response’. When a friend tells me they’d love to visit Thailand, I must resist the selfish pull to leap in with Oh yeah, Thailand is great, I spent Christmas in Koh Lanta once, did I ever tell you about the Muay Thai class I did? Instead, I must stay with them: where exactly do they want to go, and why? Sociologists call this ‘the support response’. To listen well is to step back, keep the focus with someone else.

A nice example of Rogers’s approach, taken from his career, is his experience during the Second World War. Rogers was asked by the US Air Force to assess the psychological health of gunners, among whom morale appeared low. By being patient, and nonjudgmental, and gentle with his attention, Rogers discovered that the gunners had been bottling up one of their chief complaints: they resented civilians. Returning to his hometown and attending a football game, reported one pilot, ‘all that life and gaiety and luxury – it makes you so mad’. Rogers didn’t suggest any drastic intervention, or push any change in view. He recommended that the men be allowed to be honest about their anger, and process it openly, without shame. Their interlocutors, Rogers said, should begin by simply listening to them – for as long as it took, until they were unburdened. Only then should they respond.

Much like meditating, listening in this way takes work. It may take even more work outside the therapy room, in the absence of professional expectation. At all times, for almost all of us, our internal monologue is running, and it is desperate to spill from our brain onto our tongue. Stemming the flow requires intention. This is necessary because, even when we think an intervention is positive, it may be self-centred. We might not feel it, Rogers says, but, typically, when we offer our interpretation or input, ‘we are usually responding to our own needs to see the world in certain ways’. When I first began to observe myself as a listener, I saw how difficult I found it to simply let people finish their sentences. I noticed the infinite wave of impatience on which my attention rode. I noticed the slippery temptation of asking questions that were not really questions at all, but impositions of opinion disguised as questions. The better road, I began to see, was to stay silent. To wait.

The active listener’s job is to simply be there, to focus on ‘thinking with people instead of for or about them’. This thinking with requires listening for what Rogers calls ‘total meaning’. This means registering both the content of what they are saying, and (more subtly) the ‘ feeling or attitude underlying this content’. Often, the feeling is the real thing being expressed, and the content a sort of ventriloquist’s dummy. Capturing this feeling involves real concentration, especially as nonverbal cues – hesitation, mumbling, changes in posture – are crucial. Zone out, half-listen, and the ‘total meaning’ will entirely elude us.

Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists?

And though the bad listener loves to internally multitask while someone else is talking, faking it won’t work. As Rogers writes, people are alert to the mere ‘pretence of interest’, resenting it as ‘empty and sterile’. To sincerely listen means to marshal a mixture of agency, compassion, attention and commitment. This ‘demands practice’, Rogers said, and ‘may require changes in our own basic attitudes’.

Rogers’s theories were developed in a context where one person is attempting, explicitly, to help another person heal and grow. But Rogers was always explicit about the fact that his work was ‘about life’. Of his theories, he said that ‘the same lawfulness governs all human relationships’.

I think I started off from a lower point; by nature, I think my brain tends toward distraction and self-regard. But one would not need to be a bad listener to benefit from Rogers’s ideas. Even someone whose autopilot is an empathetic, interested listener can find much in his work. Rogers did more than anyone else to explore listening, systemise its dynamics, and record his professional explorations.

Certainly, being a good listener had an impact on Rogers’s own life. As another of his biographers, Howard Kirschenbaum, told me, Rogers discovered that ‘listening empathically to others was enormously healing and freeing, in both therapy and other relationships’. At his 80th birthday party, a cabaret was staged in which two Carl Rogers impersonators listened to one another in poses of exaggerated empathy. The well-meaning gag was a compliment; in a somewhat rare case of intellectuals actually embodying the ideas they espouse, Rogers was remembered as an excellent listener by everyone who knew him. Despite the kind of foibles that can weigh down any life – a reliance on alcohol, a frustration with monogamy – Rogers appears to have been a decent man: warm, open, and never cruel.

That he was able to carry his theories into his life should give encouragement, even to those of us who aren’t world-famous psychologists. Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists? Why else does all seduction start with riveted attention? Consider your own experience, and you will likely find a direct correlation between the people you feel love you, and the people who actually listen to the things you say. The people who never ask us a thing are the people we drift away from. The people who listen so hard that they pull new things out of us – who hear things we didn’t even say – are the ones we grab on to for life.

P erhaps above all, Rogers understood the stakes involved in listening well. All of us, when we are our best selves, want to bring growth to the people we choose to give our time to. We want to help them unlock themselves, stand taller, think better. The dynamic may not be as direct as with a therapist; there is more of an equal footing – but when our relationships are healthy, we want those around us to thrive. Listening well, Rogers showed, is the simplest route there. Be with people in the right way, and they become ‘enriched in courage and self-confidence’. They feel the releasing glow of attention, and develop an ‘underlying confidence in themselves’. If we don’t want this for our friends, then we are not their friends.

Indeed, such is the generosity of active listening that one can view the practice as one that borders on the spiritual. Though Rogers traded theology for psychology in his early 20s, he always maintained an interest in spirituality. He enjoyed the work of Søren Kierkegaard , an existentialist Christian; and, over the years, he had public discussions with the theologians Paul Tillich and Martin Buber . In successful therapy sessions, said Rogers, both therapist and client can find themselves in ‘a trance-like feeling’ where ‘there is, to borrow Buber’s phrase, a real “I-Thou” relationship’. Of his relationship to his clients, Rogers said: ‘I would like to go with him on the fearful journey into himself.’

Perhaps this is a bit rich for you; perhaps you would rather frame active listening as simply good manners, or a neat interpersonal hack. The point is: really listening to others might be an act of irrational generosity. People will eat up your attention; it could be hours or years before they ever turn the same attention back on you. Sometimes, joyfully, your listening will yield something new, deliver them somewhere. Sometimes, the person will respond with generosity of their own, and the reciprocity will be powerful. But often, nothing. Only rarely will people notice, let alone thank you, for your efforts. Yet this generosity of attention is what people deserve.

And lest this all sound a bit pious – active listening is not pure altruism. Listening well, as Rogers said, is ‘a growth experience’. It allows us to get the best of others. The carousel of souls is endless. People have deeply felt and fascinating lives, and they can enfranchise us to worlds we would never otherwise know. If we truly listen, we expand our own intelligence, emotional range, and sense that the world remains open to discovery. Active listening is a kindness to others but, as Rogers was always quick to make clear, it is also a gift to ourselves.

Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel

Rogers became a hero of the 1960s counterculture . He admired their utopian dreams of psychic liberation and uninhibited communication; late in life, he was drawn to the New Age writings of Carlos Castañeda. All of this speaks to one of the key critiques of Rogers’s philosophy, both during his lifetime and today: that he was too optimistic. Rogers recognised himself that he was, in Cohen’s words, ‘incorrigibly positive’. His critics called him a sort of Pollyanna of the mind, and thought him naive for believing that such simple interventions as empathy and listening could trigger transformation in people. (Perhaps certain readers will harbour similar critiques about my own beliefs as expressed here.)

Those inclined to agree with this assessment of Rogers will probably think that I have overstated the case. Listening as love? Listening as spiritual practice? But in my own life, a renewed approach to listening has improved how I relate to others, and I now believe listening is absurdly under-discussed. Good listening is complex, subtle, slippery – but it is also right here, it lives in us, and we can work on it every day. Unlike the abstractions of so much of ethics and so much of philosophy, our listening is there to be honed, every day. Like a muscle, it can be trained. Like an intellect, it can be tested. In the very same moment, it can spur both our own growth and the growth of others. Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I couldn’t write nonfiction that anyone else actually wanted to read until I began trying to truly listen.

‘The greatest compliment that was ever paid me,’ said Henry David Thoreau, ‘was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.’ Left on autopilot, I can still be a bad listener. I’ll interrupt, finish sentences, chivvy people along. I suspect many of the people I know still find me to be, on balance, an average listener. But I try! With anyone I can impact – and especially those whose souls I can help to light up – I follow Rogers; I offer as much ‘of safety, of warmth, of empathic understanding, as I can genuinely find in myself to give.’ And I open myself to whatever I can learn. I fail in my attentions, again and again. But I tune back in, again and again. I believe it is working.

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Career Advice
Empathic Listening:...

Empathic Listening: Definition, Examples, and Skills

7 min read · Updated on March 27, 2024

Empathic listening may be just what you need to improve your communication and relationship-building skills!

Empathic listening is a powerful tool that enables you to understand others better by listening to them with empathy and understanding. In this article, you'll explore empathic listening definitions, examples, and skills that will help you to become a better listener.

Active empathic listening involves focusing on the speaker, paying attention to their words and nonverbal cues, and reflecting on what they say to truly understand their perspective. In addition, critical thinking is an essential component of empathic listening, as it enables you to think beyond the surface level of what someone is saying and understand their underlying feelings and motivations.

By developing your empathic listening skills, you'll be able to build stronger connections with those around you, whether it's in your personal or professional life.

What is empathic listening?

Empathic listening is a communication technique that involves listening with empathy and understanding to another person's perspective. This approach requires you to be fully present and attentive to what the other person is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Empathic listening is an active process that involves focusing on the speaker's message and reflecting on their emotions and thoughts.

What is the difference between empathic and empathetic listening?

Empathic listening should not be confused with empathetic listening, which is built on mutual respect and involves feeling and experiencing the same emotions as the speaker. While empathetic listening can be helpful in some situations, it may not always be the best approach, as it can make it difficult to maintain a sense of objectivity and fully understand the other person's perspective.

What are 3 characteristics of empathic listening?

There are several characteristics of empathic listening, but here are three of the most important ones:

1. Active listening

Active listening is a key component of empathic listening, because it requires you to give your full attention to the speaker. This means actively engaging in the conversation, asking questions to clarify any misunderstandings, and providing feedback to show that you're truly listening. Active listening helps to create a safe and supportive environment for the speaker, where they feel heard and understood.

2. Critical thinking

Critical thinking is also essential for empathic listening. It involves evaluating the speaker's words, identifying their underlying feelings and motivations, and reflecting on the conversation from multiple perspectives. This requires you to think beyond the surface level of what the speaker is saying, to try to understand their thoughts and emotions. Critical thinking helps to deepen your understanding of the speaker's perspective and build stronger connections with them.

3. No bias, judgment-free zone

We all have our own biases and judgments that can cloud our ability to truly listen and understand others. To engage in empathic listening, it's important to recognize your own biases and set them aside. This means approaching the conversation with an open mind and avoiding making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. By doing so, you can create a non-judgmental environment where the speaker feels safe to share their thoughts and feelings.

Skills of an empathic listener

The skills of an empathic listener are crucial for creating a supportive and nurturing communication environment at work, especially if you want to build stronger relationships with the people around you.

Here are some key skills that an empathic listener should have:

Reflective listening

Reflective listening is a crucial skill for empathic listening. It involves paraphrasing the speaker's words and reflecting back on what they've said, to show that you've understood their message. This can help the speaker to feel heard and ensure that there are no misunderstandings or miscommunications.

Non-verbal communication

Communication and listening don't only involve what a person says, but also what their body says. Enter non-verbal communication . You have to pay attention to the speaker's body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. By observing these cues, you can gain a better understanding of the speaker's emotions and thoughts.

Empathy and understanding

Empathy and understanding are the heart of empathic listening. Empathy involves putting yourself in the speaker's shoes and imagining how they feel, while understanding requires you to consider their perspective and thought process. Showing these skills can help the speaker to feel safe and supported.

Open-ended questions

Asking open-ended questions encourages the speaker to elaborate and provide more detail about their thoughts and feelings, which can help to deepen the conversation and improve understanding.

Patience and tolerance

It can be hard to have patience and tolerance. Let's face it, we all have bad days. However, listening requires a great deal of patience and concentration, especially when the conversation is emotionally charged. By practicing tolerance, you can create an environment where the speaker feels validated.

Examples of empathic listening in the workplace

Being told how to be an empathic listener is one thing. It can be difficult, though, to imagine what it looks like in practice. So, considering how essential this skill is in creating a productive and positive workplace, here are some examples of empathic listening in the workplace:

Employee concerns and feedback

There may be a time when an employee wants to voice their concern or give feedback about a process or situation. For example, if an employee expresses dissatisfaction with their workload, an empathic listener would actively listen to their concerns and consider possible solutions, such as delegating tasks or adjusting deadlines. By showing empathy and understanding, the listener can make the employee feel valued, thereby improving morale and productivity.

Conflict resolution

No matter how hard you try, conflict will always find a way to rear its ugly head. When two employees have a disagreement, an empathic listener would listen actively to each person's perspective, reflect back on their thoughts and feelings, and encourage both parties to come up with a solution together. By fostering empathy and understanding, an empathic listener can help to de-escalate the conflict and find a mutually agreeable resolution.

Performance reviews

Empathic listening is also important during performance reviews. An empathic listener can listen carefully to the employee's concerns, goals, and aspirations and provide constructive feedback that aligns with the employee's needs. This way, the listener can motivate the employee to work towards their goals and increase their job satisfaction.

Key takeaways

By setting aside biases and judgments, actively listening, and demonstrating empathy and understanding, empathic listeners can build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts, and foster a positive workplace environment . Remember, empathic listening goes beyond simply hearing what someone is saying - it involves listening to both verbal and nonverbal cues, reflecting back, and responding in a way that shows genuine understanding and care. As such, it's a skill that requires practice and dedication to master.

Whether you are a manager, a team member, or simply someone who wants to improve your communication skills, developing the skills of an empathic listener can benefit both yourself and those around you. With the right mindset and techniques, anyone can become a skilled and effective empathic listener.

If you leverage your empathic listening skills on your resume, it could help you to land your next dream job. Let us run a free resume review on it, to be sure you're showcasing your skills effectively .

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Empathic listening builds mutual understanding and trust.

Even when the conflict is not resolved, empathic listening can have a profound impact on the parties, improving relationships and generating mutual respect.

Other things you can do to help.

How: The former ombudsman at the University of Colorado, Tom Sebok, used to give a lecture in my conflict skills class every semester on active listening. He said it involved three actions: 1) attending to the speaker, 2) paraphrasing what the speaker said and 3) summarizing the key points.

By "attending" he meant listening intently--by facing the speaker, making direct eye contact (unless culturally inappropriate), nodding or making other nonverbal indicators of attention, and making sounds (such as "uh-huh" or "hmm") that show you are listening. Avoid distractions--don't look at your phone or attend to other people when engaging in active listening.

Paraphrasing is saying back to the speaker in your own words what you heard him or her say--right after you hear him or her say it. But don't be a parrot! Use an introduction such as "It sounds to me as if..." or "so, you're saying that." It often helps to add a feeling word to the substance of the message: "It seems to me as if you are really disappointed that the presentation didn't go as you planned." (The listener is adding the notion of disappointment as an add-on to what was overtly said.) They the speaker will confirm if that added piece of information is correct or not--and if it isn't he/she will clarify further.

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Summarizing is a condensed restatement of what a person has said over a longer period of time. If the speaker is on a roll, and you don't want to interrupt every sentence or two to paraphrase, it often works better to let them tell their whole story uninterrupted--or a big chunk of it-- and then summarize what was said, again starting with "so what I heard was.... and adding feeling words, where appropriate.

This can be used effectively in many situations, but it is particularly useful when someone is angry with you. In that case, they usually will expect you to get defensive or debate them or judge them badly. Actively listening to them, instead, can be very disarming. It shows you to be more "human" than they likely thought you were, and makes it more likely that (1) they will listen to you later, and (2) you can begin to de-escalate and potentially even resolve your conflict with them, rather than escalating it further if you respond more hostilely.

Why: As I just said, active listening can be very helpful in conflict situations because it can surprise and calm down the speaker who would otherwise be geared up for a fight. If instead of fighting, you express sincere interest in what they are saying, it makes it much more likely that the speaker will really tell you what what is making them angry--so you can address their anger constructively. Similarly, they are likely to explain what their interests and needs are--and, as such, make the conflict easier to address, if not resolve. Active listening builds trust and respect, allows for the relase of strong emotions without hurting relationships, reduces tension, delves deeply into a situation to figure out what is really going on, and creates an atmosphere that is condusive to effective problem solving.

For more information on this topic, see,

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Well-Being at Iowa

The Power of Empathic Listening

At the University of Iowa, our faculty and staff wield transformative influence in myriad ways. Some perform life-saving surgeries, others foster student growth, altering life trajectories. As a threat manager and staff advocate for University of Iowa Health Care, I like to think that I change lives through empathic listening , an art of deliberate care and understanding toward those who share their struggles. A faculty member, actively experiencing intimate partner violence at home and being stalked, seeks refuge at work. A patient care technician, assaulted and groped by a patient in an unfamiliar unit, dreads being assigned there again. A doctor, threatened by a frustrated patient, worries for his safety when leaving work. A clerk, verbally abused by a visitor with profanity and vulgarity, cannot stop replaying the incident in her mind.

Beyond the confines of lectures and medical charts, health care and higher education professionals confront domestic violence, harassment, and workplace aggression. Despite their ability to compartmentalize, these challenges sometimes breach their defenses, necessitating support. This is where I come in.

I witness firsthand the emotional toll borne by employees. I have supported anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, dread, anger, fear, pain, guilt, disgust, moral injury, and more. If you have experienced these feelings in the workplace, you are not alone. The toll on the well-being of health care workers is especially profound, as they experience an increased risk of physical injuries, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety disorders . Those tasked with helping others heal can find themselves grappling with their own wounds, both visible and hidden.

My goal as a threat assessor and manager is to respond to what I call the “slow burning” embers of incidents that cause concern for targeted harm. I am called upon to assess the situation by collecting information, then plan interventions that help mitigate the risk of targeted violence using a balanced, compassionate, problem-solving approach. My role as a staff advocate dovetails well with threat assessment because I intertwine empathy with proactive safety measures to help create a secure environment.

Each story of adversity I encounter underscores the importance of empathic listening. I have been awed by the resiliency that surfaces when people feel seen and heard before moving toward problem-solving. It seems so simple, but it can be so profound to listen, seek to understand, and then work with the person to find a solution that works for them.

Recently, I had the honor of supporting a nurse who shared: “As a nurse, I had worked very hard to not let home and work life intermingle and, on the day I met Nima, I had no semblance of tranquility or sense of safety in any aspect of my life. While I generally pride myself on keeping a level head in any and every situation, I completely fell apart. Nima never once made me feel shameful, uncomfortable, or like I was overreacting to my situation. Nima stood by my side throughout the whole process and kept my head above water when I swore I was going to drown.”

This nurse’s resilience, once obscured, resurfaced through compassionate support.

When I pause and take some deep belly breaths to clear the clutter in my mind and be fully present as a person who works at Iowa, I see much better outcomes in terms of stress management, work engagement, and follow through with resources.

Distraught and emotionally drained, professionals like the nurse I helped face burnout and decreased job satisfaction, exacerbating the challenges of a demanding profession in academia and health care. However, through connection, support, and empathic listening, effects of violence can be mitigated, and people can find their way through.

Iowa has several resources for mental health support and offices such as Title IX, dedicated to investigating and providing a pathway toward accountability for those who cause harm.

Campus police officers and hospital safety and security officers, along with the Threat Assessment Team , provide an assessment and management to mitigate the risk of violence. Staff advocates, such as myself and COPE (Caring for Our People) team members, provide emotional support to health care providers who have experienced difficult situations .

Counselors at the Rape Victim Advocacy Program or Domestic Violence Intervention Program , licensed clinicians in the Employment Assistance Program or the Women’s Resource Action Center provide connection, guidance, and support. The Mental Health at Iowa website has more information about each of the resources mentioned above.

I am privileged to care and support those who provide care and education on our campus. It is humbling to serve those who serve others so they can provide care with resilience and compassion. You do not have to struggle silently and alone. I am here. We are here. You absolutely matter!

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Empathetic listening is a technique for listening actively so as to improve mutual trust and understanding, often used to create an environment for collaborative problem-solving and fruitful discussion.

Problems and Purpose

Empathetic listening, also known as empathic, active, or reflective listening, refers to “a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust."[1] The technique can be essential to “the success of a negotiation or mediation,” particularly discussions are highly emotional or prone to deadlock in deliberations .[2] In order to appropriately respond to a speaker during discussions, individuals must first accurately interpret their message, which this tool enables.[3]

The empathetic listening technique “enables the disputants to release their emotions, reduces tensions, encourages the surfacing of information, and creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem-solving.”[4]

Origins and Development

The term “empathy” has its contemporary origins in 1909 when “Cornell psychologist Edward B. Titchener termed “empathy” the English equivalent for the German “Einfühlung” (“feeling into”)”, referring to the capacity to lose one’s self-awareness by fusing their identity with the object of perception.[5] In other words, it is the ability to understand the position of another by placing yourself in their proverbial shoes. Beginning as a topic of study for interpersonal communications scholars, empathic listening was originally studied within the dyadic and therapeutic context.[6] In the 1960s, David Berlo theorized about empathy in speech communication as existing in two forms: inference based on similar prior experiences and role-taking.[7] Berlo was one of the first to insist upon the importance of empathic understanding in successful communication, with his ideas being expanded on by contemporary sociologists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.[8]

Psychotherapist Carl Rogers went on to qualify empathetic understanding as understanding the “inner world” of another without losing one’s own identity.[9] For Rogers, empathetic communication had the purpose of facilitating personal growth in the individuals involved.[10] As such, empathetic listening has moved beyond its original psychotherapy context to be used as a communication tool in education, nursing, and marketing.[11]

One of the first mediators to write about empathetic listening as a technique was William Simkin in 1971, former director of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service.[12] He noted that successful mediation would require not only understanding, but the ability to project this understanding to the respective parties; in order to do so, mediators ought to consider “the emotional background of an issue and the personalities involved” just as much as the “facts” through empathic listening.[13]

How it Works

Empathetic listening is “the process of the listener attending to the conversational partner to identify the partner’s perspective and feelings” in order to reach greater understanding, so as to support the partner’s welfare and well-being with their response.[14] Empathetic listeners absorb information in a non-judgmental way, acknowledging the “speaker in a way that invites the communication to continue, and provides a limited but encouraging response” so that the focus remains on the speaker’s expression.[15] To do so, empathic listeners allow the other parties to dominate the discussion, being carefully attentive and not interrupting.[16] They often use open-ended questions, and reflect the feelings being expressed by the speaker back to them.[17]

Empathetic listeners are actively involved in conversations, taking care to indicate to the speaker that they are absorbing the information and that they are sensitive to the emotions being expressed. They often provide this indication by demonstrating that they remember information, asking for clarification when needed, and reflecting the emotions back to the speaker.[18] When it is time to respond, they ask questions or paraphrase what was said, while “using nonverbal signals and backchannel cues” to show their acknowledgement of the speaker’s message.[19]

Analysis and Lessons Learned

Empathetic listening is considered “a core component of competent communication” and has been associated with outcomes for listeners that have been positive.[20] These outcomes include “more satisfying friendships and intimate relationships, better understanding” and increased perceptions of credibility and likeability; individuals who engage in empathetic listening are also often seen to be more persuasive.[21] In mediation settings, more effective outcomes have been observed, with consensus able to be reached, even in intensely emotional circumstances.[22]

Empathetic listening is a useful technique for encouraging the “surfacing of important information, [reducing] defensive, and [creating] an environment conducive to collaborative problem-solving.”[23]

However, there are “few validated instruments to measure empathic listening,” a necessary prerequisite to being able to test its effects.[24] However, Graham D. Bodie has developed an Active-Empathic Listening (AEL) scale that shows promise in being able to measure empathy, a direct outcome of empathic listening. Bodie conducted several studies that demonstrated both construct validity and inter-rater reliability for his measurement.[25] However, there remains a lack of a “unifying theory that unravels the tangle of underlying effects, results, and processes” of empathetic listening.

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[1] [2] [3] [4] Salem, Richard. "Empathic Listening." Beyond Intractability , edited by Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. Boulder, Colorado, USA: Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, 2003. Retrieved from https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening

[5] Edward B. Titchener, Lectures on the Experimental Psychology of the Thought Processes (New York, 1909), quoted in Ronald C. Arnett and Gordon Nakagawa, “The assumptive roots of empathic listening: A critique,” Communication Education 32, no. 4 (1983): 369. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/248939772_The_assumptive_roots_of_empathic_listening_A_critique

[6] Ronald C. Arnett and Gordon Nakagawa, “The assumptive roots of empathic listening: A critique,” Communication Education 32, no. 4 (1983): 368.

[7] David E. Berlo, The Process of Communication (New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, 1960): 119, quoted in Ronald C. Arnett and Gordon Nakagawa, “The assumptive roots of empathic listening: A critique,” Communication Education 32, no. 4 (1983): 369

[8] Ronald C. Arnett and Gordon Nakagawa, “The assumptive roots of empathic listening: A critique,” Communication Education 32, no. 4 (1983): 369.

[9] Carl R. Rogers, “The Interpersonal Relationship: The Core of Guidance,” Harvard Educational Review , 32 (1962): 420. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/282971859_The_Interpersonal_Relationship_The_Core_of_Guidance

[10] Ronald C. Arnett and Gordon Nakagawa, “The assumptive roots of empathic listening: A critique,” Communication Education 32, no. 4 (1983): 370.

[11] Larry E. Sullivan, "Empathetic Listening." In The SAGE Glossary of the Social and Behavioral Sciences , ed. Larry E. Sullivan, 175. (Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2009). Retrieved from http://sk.sagepub.com/reference/behavioralsciences/n868.xml

[12] Richard Salem, “The Benefits of Empathic Listening.” Beyond Intractability , eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. (Boulder, Colorado: Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, 2003), https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening

[13] Salem, “The Benefits of Empathic Listening.”

[14] Terrence L. Chmielewski, "Empathic Listening," in The SAGE Encyclopedia of Communication Research Methods ., ed. Mike Allen (Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc, 2017), 413-416. Retrieved from http://methods.sagepub.com/reference/the-sage-encyclopedia-of-communication-research-methods/i4553.xml?fromsearch=true

[15] [16] [17] Richard Salem, “The Benefits of Empathic Listening.” Beyond Intractability , eds. Guy Burgess and Heidi Burgess. (Boulder, Colorado: Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, 2003), https://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening

[18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] Terrence L. Chmielewski, "Empathic Listening," 413-416. Retrieved from http://methods.sagepub.com/reference/the-sage-encyclopedia-of-communication-research-methods/i4553.xml?fromsearch=true

External Links

Practical Guide on Empathic Listening: http://learninginaction.com/PDF/ELSR.pdf

Active Listening: The Art of Empathetic Conversation: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/active-listening/

Basics of Empathetic Listening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALIvGIjCBRY

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Essay on Empathetic Listening

Empathetic listening involves paying attention to others with empathy when having a conversation. Under such circumstances, a person should focus on establishing emotional identification, compassion, and insight into the parties involved. Apparently, an empathetic listener ought to possess particular skills which can enhance their ability to listen to others empathetically. An individual needs to give the speaker undivided attention to ensure the intended message is delivered effectively. It is also essential to be non-judgmental. This implies that a person should avoid minimizing and trivializing the issues being raised by the speaker. Whenever my friends and colleagues come to me with pressings issue, I usually remain quiet and keen to the narrator. However, I have learned that tend to be critical and impatient which makes me lose the interest in the subject matter.

Two weeks ago, a friend sought my advice regarding his troubled relationship. We have been close friends for years, and we had nothing to hide from each other regarding our personal affairs. Fiona (I have used a different name for privacy reasons) claimed that her two-year marriage was in turmoil. She alleged that her husbands infidelity has escalated to uncontrollable levels and there was the need of separating. On two different accounts, Fiona confronted her husband pertaining his unfaithfulness in their matrimony. In her utterance, Fiona claimed that she was tired of her husbands affairs, which was taking toil of her emotional and physical health. She asserted that she was stressed and needed to be encouraged and advised on the way out. However, this conversation was untimely, since I was supposed to meet some deadlines and my managers pressure to deliver the tasks promptly was piling.

Explain whether you find yourself being critical when the person just needed someone to listen

Along the conversation, I realized that I was critical when Fiona just needed someone to listen. I allowed my impatience to overcome my listening abilities which made me judgmental. As Fiona was narrating her ordeal, back in my mind, I was angry that she was consuming my limited time, which I required to accomplish the tasks. I thought Fiona was irrational to overlook the magnitude and urgency of my job by dragging me into her problems. I focused more on the task before me, thus disregarding the situation my friend was experiencing. This indicated that I was less compassionate and emotionally connected to her, which hindered my empathetic listening skills under this case.

According to my judgment, Fiona was insensitive to my job, and it could have been appropriate if she seeks such a conversation at home or the joints we usually meet. However, upon reflecting on our friendship and the purported pain she was enduring, I changed my attitude towards Fionas utterances. I realized she was hurting and needed someone to console her. This compelled me to conceal my impatience and judgmental perception by being supportive and paying attention to her. Fiona was determined to fight for her marriage, but it seems she was fighting a losing battle, something devastated her greatly. This was an indication that she was in need of someone to listen.

Identify whether you let the person know, by your words or actions, you cared about his/her dilemma even if you were not able to help in any other way

In the initial stages of the conversation, I was judgmental and impatient, something that hindered my empathetic listening. However, after realizing that Fiona was hurting over her failed marriage, I started being concerned over her situation. I used both actions and words which demonstrated that I cared about the predicament she was undergoing, and I was willing to listen and offer help within my abilities. I started by shutting down the laptop to ensure I was attentive and alert to what Fiona was communicating. I refrained from interrupting her speech and instead used encouraging words such as go on, I am listening or I am sorryI can imagine how you are feeling. I kept on nodding my head as well as maintaining eye contact to convince her that I was keenly following her narration, thus facilitating the creation of emotional connection and trust. I occasionally restated and paraphrased some portions of her speech, ultimately boosting my knowledge of the situation that Fiona was recounting. I did this as a way of encouraging Fiona that I cared about her experience and I was interested in every bit.

Analyze your listening performance

Encounter with Fiona gave a highlight of various aspects of my empathetic listening abilities. In the beginning, my listening performance was poor. I was distracted with an urge of completing the job before deadline. Managers insistence that I finish the task promptly piled more pressure ultimately hampering my concentration to Fionas case. I kept on reading and keying in some data on the laptop which was an indication that I was not paying maximum attention to the speaker. I was also judgmental and critical to the speaker. While going on with her narration, I started forming negative opinions about Fiona. I thought she was insensitive to my job by ignoring the urgency of the tasks at hand. I wished she could shorten her conversation for me to continue with the job. At this instant, I was less compassionate and did not show concern for Fionas plight hence being a poor empathetic listener.

My listening performance improved significantly when I started reflecting on our friendship with Fiona. I started showing great concern and care to her ordeal by abandoning my activities to listen to her. I ensured that I was alert to everything she said, which convinced her that I cared. I applied encouraging strategies through my actions and words which demonstrated my empathy. For instance, I often nodded and maintained eye contact, attesting that I was attentive to her narration. I also encouraged her through supportive phrases such as do not worry, it is going to be fine I also provided her with encouraging responses which lessened her the burden pain she was experiencing. Throughout the last phase of the conversation, I can acknowledge that my listening performances improved remarkably.

Empathetic listening is beneficial to peoples daily conversations. It enhances the building of trust as well as helping disputants to release tension and emotions. Empathetic listening also facilitates the creation of a conducive environment for collaborative problem solving (Salem, 2003). It is therefore essential that individuals nurture useful skills that can boost their empathetic listening performances.

BIBLIOGRAPHY Bookbinder, a. J. (2012). Empathy, Listening Skills & Relationships. Empathy, Listening skills & Touching Another Heart, 1-10.

Salem, R. (2003). Empathic Listening. Knowledge Base, 1-6. Retrieved from http://beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic-listening

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How the Trump campaign is attempting to counter the 2024 Democratic convention

Lisa Desjardins Lisa Desjardins

Kyle Midura Kyle Midura

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Copy URL https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-the-trump-campaign-is-attempting-to-counter-the-2024-democratic-convention

Political parties traditionally don’t compete too much with each other’s conventions — usually the opposing presidential candidate holds few, if any, events. But this year, Trump’s campaign is rejecting that model, with the former president having one of his busiest schedules of the cycle during the Democratic convention. Lisa Desjardins joins Amna Nawaz to discuss the Trump campaign’s plans.

Read the Full Transcript

Notice: Transcripts are machine and human generated and lightly edited for accuracy. They may contain errors.

Amna Nawaz:

Meanwhile, political parties traditionally don't compete too vigorously with each other's conventions. Usually, the opposing presidential candidate holds few, if any, events.

This year, the Trump campaign is rejecting that model. During the Democratic Convention, the former president had one of the busiest campaign schedules of the cycle.

To discuss the Trump campaign's plans and the view of the Democratic Convention, we're joined now by Lisa Desjardins, who covers the Trump campaign for us.

So, Lisa, just take us through what exactly the Trump campaign is doing here, what messages they're trying to send.

Lisa Desjardins:

Well, first try and imagine a blank map of the United States. That is what it usually looks like for the opposing presidential candidate in this convention.

Now let's look at what's happening with the Trump campaign this week. Here's where the former president has been this week and then also here is where his vice presidential nominee has been.

Look at those states. Those are the key states that the teams are fighting for, both Republicans and Democrats, Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina, a state that we see Trump really wants to protect.

So you get from that map not only the important states, Amna, but also the fact that the Trump campaign and Trump campaign sources tell me they do feel like they need to step up their game. They also point out that they did not get the chance to directly rebut their opponent, Kamala Harris, at their convention because she was not yet the nominee.

So they feel like they have to hit the ground running as much as possible starting right now.

Lisa, as we have heard, the Harris campaign here is really centered on a message of freedom as central to their campaign. Has the Trump team now settled on any kind of campaign message to run against Vice President Harris?

Those who have been listening to the Trump events this week have seen he's tried out some different tactics, different messages, but sources around the Trump campaign and in Trump world tell me they think that that is kind of settling down into sort of a three point of attack.

The first was something that you reported on, Amna, this idea that Kamala Harris is liberal to the extreme. That nickname now that he's settled on, it seems like comrade Kamala. Obviously, she is someone who is a part of a democratic republic. She is not a communist. But that is something that they're going to try and tag her with.

The other two things are the biggest issues here, border and immigration. That's where we saw the former president today, the other one, the economy. I think that this is really the most important one for the Trump campaign, and they know it.

One source told me that there is a race right now to define Kamala Harris on the economy, and they said, if Harris is able to project herself as a change agent, versus someone who is to blame for the economy, then it's game over, that Republicans now and Trump himself need to define her as someone responsible for the problems, as she tries to define herself as someone who can solve them.

Lisa, even as the Trump campaign works to now push their own messages, what do we know about how the former president and his campaign team are reacting to what's happening here at the Democratic Convention?

Are they watching these proceedings?

They are absolutely watching.

In fact, vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance today talked about that on the trail, that he's been watching. Now, what are they saying about it? They're paying attention and saying that the Democrats are void of substance.

This goes to what Laura was saying about policy documents. They're trying to say that they're focused more on Trump. And he is keeping count of how many references he has there. They're also noticing those Republican speakers, including Stephanie Grisham, who spoke Tuesday, former press secretary to Donald Trump.

Here's what she said at the convention Tuesday.

Stephanie Grisham, Former White House Press Secretary:

I saw him when the cameras were off. Behind closed doors, Trump mocks his supporters. He calls them basement dwellers.

On a hospital visit one time, when people were dying in the ICU, he was mad that the cameras were not watching him. He has no empathy, no morals, and no fidelity to the truth.

In response, Trump spokesman Steven Cheung wrote to me, wrote this statement: "Stephanie Grisham is a stone-cold loser who clearly suffers from Trump derangement syndrome and many other mental issues. She's a liar and a fraud."

That obviously a very strong statement. There isn't really a Trump derangement syndrome. That's a phrase that they're using.

One last thing, Trump won't just be watching tonight. He's going to be live posting on social media. He put this out on TRUTH Social that he will do a live play-by-play.

Tonight, Amna, as you know, is Kamala Harris' night. But Donald Trump does not like being out of the spotlight, and that's how he will attempt to get back in it.

All right, that's our Lisa Desjardins, who covers the Trump campaign for us.

Lisa, thank you.

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Distraught and emotionally drained, professionals like the nurse I helped face burnout and decreased job satisfaction, exacerbating the challenges of a demanding profession in academia and health care. However, through connection, support, and empathic listening, effects of violence can be mitigated, and people can find their way through.
Empathetic Listening
Problems and Purpose. Empathetic listening, also known as empathic, active, or reflective listening, refers to "a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust." [1] The technique can be essential to "the success of a negotiation or mediation," particularly discussions are highly emotional ...
PDF Active Listening Learning Resource
behaviors convey empathy and let the other person know that you are listening to them. Additionally, your attending behaviors should be individually and culturally appropriate. According to Evans et al. (2016) in their textbook
Essay on Empathetic Listening
University/College: Wesleyan University. Type of paper: Essay. This essay has been submitted by a student. This is not an example of the work written by our professional essay writers. Empathetic listening involves paying attention to others with empathy when having a conversation. Under such circumstances, a person should focus on establishing ...
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Cultivating empathy

The right kind of empathy

Be willing to grow

Expose yourself to differences

Read fiction

Harness the power of oxytocin

Identify common ground

Ask questions

Understand your blocks

Second-guess yourself

Further reading

Recommended Reading

Empathic listening: what it is and how to use it

What is empathic listening?

Build stronger personal and professional relationships

Improve communication and collaboration

Increase trust and understanding

Enhance conflict resolution and problem-solving

Challenge your perspective and widen your mindset

1. Active listening

2. Nonverbal cues and body language

3. Reflection and summarization

4. Open-ended questions

5. Emotional validation

Practice active self-awareness

Explore your skills in various settings

At work

During conflict

Seek feedback (ask trusted individuals for honest input)

Belynda Cianci

7 types of listening that can change your life and work

How to Improve Your Empathic Listening Skills: 7 Techniques

This Article Contains:

Empathic listening

Parenting as an example

Coworkers as an example

Stage 1: Mimicking content

Stage 2: Rephrasing the content

Stage 3: Reflecting feelings

Stage 4: Rephrasing content and reflecting feelings

Download 3 Communication Exercises (PDF)

Download 3 Free Communication Tools Pack (PDF)

Active listening

Empathic awareness skills

Empathic listening skills

World’s Largest Positive Psychology Resource

1. I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships – Michael S. Sorenson

2. 4 Essential Skills to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work—Anywhere! – Bento C. Leal III

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

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The Empathic Listener’s Guide: Elevating Relationships through Understanding

Defining Empathy

The Importance Of Active Listening

The Difference Between Empathy And Sympathy

The Benefits Of Empathic Listening

The Role Of Nonverbal Communication

Cultivating A Safe And Supportive Environment

Asking Open-Ended Questions

Reflecting Feelings And Emotions

Avoiding Judgment And Assumptions

Practicing Mindfulness

Dealing With Difficult Conversations

Building Trust And Rapport

Using Empathic Listening In Professional Settings

Making Empathic Listening A Daily Practice

Resources And Further Reading

Frequently Asked Questions

Can Empathic Listening Be Used To Resolve Conflicts?

How Can One Develop The Skill Of Empathic Listening?

Are There Any Potential Drawbacks To Empathic Listening?

How Can Empathic Listening Be Used In Leadership And Management Roles?

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Empathic Listening: The Power of Understanding and Connection