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Naval Academy Personal Statement

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How to Write Your Naval Academy Summer Seminar Personal Statement

Trisha Dach

3 minute read

The Naval Academy Summer Seminar (NASS) is an exciting opportunity for rising high school seniors to experience life at the United States Naval Academy. As part of the application process, candidates are required to submit an essay, or a personal statement, but with only 1000 characters to work with, it’s essential to be concise and to the point. Writing a strong personal statement can increase your chances of being accepted into the NASS program.

If you’re looking for more information other than the NASS essay, read our post to learn more about how to apply to Naval Academy Summer Seminar .

The NASS personal statement prompt is:

• Why are you interested in attending Naval Academy Summer Seminar?
• Have you been involved in any STEM-related activities, groups, or conferences?
• Please elaborate on any extracurricular activities in which you have participated.

You only have 1000 characters to answer all of these questions. This generally ends up between 150-250 words. You must be succinct and to the point with this essay, there’s no room for fluff here.

Note: You won’t be able to submit your application if your NASS essay is longer than 1000 characters.

Here are some tips to help you write a successful Naval Academy Summer Seminar essay:

• Understand the prompt : Before you start writing, make sure you understand the prompt. You should answer all three questions asked in the prompt.
• Use examples from your life: Instead of writing in general terms, be specific in your essay. Use examples and anecdotes to illustrate your points. This will make your statement more relatable to the admissions team.
• what opportunities are available after graduation and commissioning as an Ensign
• What you’d like to study at the Naval Academy and why
• The Navy core values of honor, courage, and commitment
• Show your leadership skills: The Naval Academy is looking for students who are leaders. Make sure your essay shows examples of your leadership skills and how you have demonstrated leadership in your life.
• Show your STEM background: The prompt asks about your involvement in STEM-related activities, groups, or conferences, and extracurricular activities. Make sure to highlight any experiences you have had that demonstrate your qualifications and interest in STEM.
• Be concise: With a limited character count, it’s crucial to be concise in your writing. Avoid using filler words and phrases, and get straight to the point.
• Proofread: Proofreading is an essential step in the essay-writing process. Make sure to proofread your essay for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.
• Be honest: It’s important to be honest in your essay. Do not exaggerate or make up information.

We’ve also compiled examples of winning Service Academy essays for you, so you can read essays from candidates who won appointments to the Naval Academy and other Academies.

By following these tips, you can write a compelling Naval Academy Summer Seminar essay and go on to experience life this summer as a midshipman. Remember to show your passion for the military and STEM, be specific and concise, and most importantly, proofread your personal statement before submitting it. Good luck!

Article Contents

Examples of essays that won service academy appointments, do you need help crafting a compelling essay for service academy admissions, related posts.

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Former Air Force Captain Trisha Dach served as an Intelligence Officer from 2011-2018. A graduate of the Air Force Academy, Trisha has helped hundreds of candidates earn a service academy appointment or ROTC scholarships, with over a 90% success rate with clients. Click here to learn more about Captain Dach.

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United States Naval Academy (USNA) Essay Prompts and Tips    

September 27, 2023

With an acceptance rate of just 10%, getting into the United States Naval Academy and officially becoming a midshipman in Annapolis is no easy task. After all, how many colleges require a nomination from a member of Congress? Those brave young men and women who choose to navigate a supremely challenging admissions process do so in order to later dedicate a portion of their adult lives to serving their country. This blog will offer admissions-related advice on how to approach the lone, two-part USNA essay.

(Want to learn more about How to Get Into the United States Naval Academy? Visit our blog entitled:  How to Get Into the US Naval Academy: Admissions Data and Strategies  for all of the most recent admissions data as well as tips for gaining acceptance.)

When applying to an institution like the Naval Academy that rejects more than 9 of every 10 applicants, you need to put maximum effort into every area of the application, including the supplemental essays. Below are the USNA’s required supplemental prompts for the 2023-24 admissions cycle along with our advice for composing a winning essay.

US Naval Academy Essay Prompt – Part 1

The USNA only requires one essay, but you need to cover two very distinct topics in one place. We will explore these two distinct questions in two separate sections of this blog. However, we want to stress that both need to be covered in the same limited number of words, as the official directions indicate:

In a well-organized essay, please discuss both of the following:

(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals, and (CONTINUED LATER IN THE BLOG)… …

It may be helpful to view this portion of the prompt as a higher-stakes version of the typical “Why Us?” college essay. In that category of essay, an applicant is tasked with telling their story of how they decided that ______ University was the perfect school for them. They may write about particular academic programs, courses, professors, research opportunities, internships/co-ops, study abroad programs, and student-run organizations that they will take advantage of once on campus.

Similarly, the USNA wants to see that you have done your homework and are 100% committed to life as a Naval officer. This should be a highly-personal story that demonstrates your maturity, commitment, and readiness to commit to a life in the Navy. Ultimately, joining the Navy is not a decision that anyone should make lightly and the folks in Annapolis will want to see evidence of specific experiences that led you to this conclusion.

For example, perhaps you have:

• Had multiple conversations with a recruiting officer. Share what you learned.
• Participated in NJROTC as an adolescent/young adult.
• Had in-depth discussions with family members or non-family family members who served in the Navy or Armed Forces.

Items you could share related to the long-term goals can include:

• Talk about your intended major at the USNA. Whether you are interested in political science, aerospace engineering, chemistry, or cyber/electronic operations and warfare, explain how your area of study fits into your long-range goals.
• Discuss where you see your career in the Navy taking you. You may also want to touch upon post-Navy aims.

US Naval Academy Essay Prompt – Part 2

(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

To begin, it’s important to think about what type of specific words we can use to identify your particular character development. The following list may help your brainstorming efforts:

• Perspective
• Open-mindedness
• Self-regulation
• Emotional/social intelligence
• Persistence
• Enthusiasm and vigor
• Adaptability

Next, you want to chronicle a singular personal experience that led you to grow in one or more of these character-related areas. Use your life experience to show rather than tell the Naval Academy how you have grown into a person of high integrity. Examples can come from a job, school projects, athletics, NJROTC, or a family experience. In short, the thing to keep in mind here is the Latin quote “Facta, non verba” which translates to “Deeds, not words.”

How important are the essays at the United States Naval Academy?

Overall, the USNA lists nine factors as being “very important” to the admissions committee: GPA, class rank, the interview, extracurricular activities, character/personal qualities, the rigor of your secondary school record, the level of demonstrated interest, recommendations, and—most relevant to this blog—the application essays.

Want personalized assistance?

Lastly, if you are interested in working with one of College Transitions’ experienced and knowledgeable essay coaches as you craft your Naval Academy essays, we encourage you to get a quote  today.

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United States Naval Academy | Navy’s 2023-24 Essay Prompts

Common app personal essay.

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don‘t feel obligated to do so.

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you‘ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

What will first-time readers think of your college essay?

Home » Academy Endeavors Blog » USNA ESSAY TIPS

USNA ESSAY TIPS

Academy Endeavors provides tips on every Service Academy essay question…

USNA Essay – its a long one, but there’s only one!

USNA Essay question: Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals. Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity. (3500 character limit)

AE Guidance: It’s best to break down this essay question as two essays with a 1750 character limit each.

For the first part, its a WHY question, similar to the USMA essay #1. Start by answering when your desire first began and what steps you’ve taken to act on that desire. Conclude by stating your career goals in the Navy, and why this path interests you. By the time you finish, the reader will clearly understand that you know exactly what you’re getting into.

For the second part, its a CHARACTER question, similar to USMA essay #2. Think of challenging experience or leadership challenge, and explain how this ultimately grew you.

Overall, USNA should clearly see your enthusiasm and your character, leadership potential here. You only have 1 long essay here. Make it count!

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United States Naval Academy Personal Statement - how to start?

OP cristinarivera 1 / 1   Sep 12, 2015   #4 Should my introduction start with the mission of the academy? And then later start explaining how I come from a dedicated Navy family and also from there begin how they have inspired me to also attend the academy?

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Naval Academy Essay

• Thread starter Derrick Henry
• Start date Jul 30, 2011

Derrick Henry

• Jul 30, 2011

Hello guys Im a current candidate for the USNA class of 2016. Can you all provide me with a little feedback for improvement? Thanks (1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and (2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity. BOOM!!! The beautiful sound of the Blue Angel F/A-18 Hornet breaking the sound barrier was the signaling moment when I decided that I wanted and would be a fighter pilot for the U.S. Navy. I've wanted to fly advanced jets ever since I was able to read about them. I know I can be a great pilot and an exceptional leader when it comes to military service and that's exactly the type of career I know I would excel in. To be a qualified pilot in the Armed Forces I understand you must have a four year post-secondary degree, and I know the United States Naval Academy can provide me with the best education available. Pilot's have to be the best for they're going to be protecting their assigned carrier, and not to mention landing on it. So I've been enrolled in my schools aviation program to start my training early. I've amassed 12 hours total flight time and expect to solo and receive my Private Pilot's License as well, before I graduate. The academy's academics engineering program is rated #5 in the country so achieving my Aeronautical Engineer degree from here would be a great feat for a prospective pilot. I've rigorously prepared myself for this through taking AP English 3, AP Chemistry, Dual Credit U.S. History, and Dual Credit B.I.M . To keep my skills sharp I plan on taking all AP core classes and Calculus as well Trigonometry to prepare myself for the rigors of being a Navy Pilot. My entire life has been devoted to becoming a fighter pilot, and as my uncle told me one day, either you have what it takes, or you don't. I definitely have what it takes and would be a great asset to the U.S. Navy. My character was clearly defined last my past years in theater. The HISD One Act Play Area contest,which lies on the doorstep of the Regional competition is one of the toughest in Texas. Our ensemble had performed well but made a major miscalculation and left our audio CD in the sound booth. Both president and Vice President of our club decided to keep it under wraps, for if we won they would receive a full ride scholarship to the school of their choice. My character and integrity were tested strenuously at this moment, for despite sacrificing the aspiring dreams of my friends and instantly disqualifying my school from the contest. I knew it was just simply wrong. I think back on that now and realize that it takes courage under fire to do the right thing, sacrifice yourself and others if necessary to protect something greater than yourself. This is the effective quality of leadership, one I have proven well beyond my bounds. Whch is exactly why I would be the perfect pilot in the U.S. NAVY.  

Nihongo dame desu

• Jul 31, 2011

Not in the Navy, but correcting for grammar, punctuation, ussage, and general writing skills. BOOM!!! The beautiful sound of the Blue Angel F/A-18 Hornet breaking the sound barrier was the signaling moment [signaling moment doesn't make much sense. you don't need an adjective. Just "moment" is fine, but if you must have something, I think what you are going for is "defining moment".] when I decided that I wanted and would be a fighter pilot for the U.S. Navy. I've wanted to fly advanced jets ever since I was able to read about them. I know I can be a great pilot and an exceptional leader when it comes to military service and that's [Contractions are casual. Use "that is".] exactly the type of career I know I would excel in [ in which I know I would excel}. To be a qualified pilot in the Armed Forces[,] I understand you must have a four year post-secondary degree, and I know the United States Naval Academy can provide me with the best education available. Pilot's [an apostrophe shows ownership, and does not indicate plural] have to be the best[,] [ be the best" is weirdly vague and thus adds nothing or than vague ass-kissiness. The best what? ] for they're [they are] going to be protecting their assigned carrier, and [the "and" is redundant. Delete it] not to mention landing on it. So I've [another contraction, and it is also fairly informal to start a sentence with "so", so I'd ditch that. If you want something to transition, tey an "as such" or something similar] been enrolled in my schools [here is where you need the apostrophe, because the program belongs to the school--school's] aviation program to start my training early. I've amassed 12 hours total flight time and expect to solo and receive my Private Pilot's License as well, before I graduate.["...license before I graduate as well." Also, I don't think license should be capitalized, and I'm not sure Private or Pilot should be either. Is this a proper noun?] The academy's academics engineering program [academic engineering program? Is that the name of an actual thing? Maybe it is, but if not and you are just referring to the ranking of the USNA's program, delete "academics" entirely.] is rated #5 in the country so achieving my Aeronautical Engineer degree from here would be a great feat for a prospective pilot. I've [contraction!--I sound liek a woman giving birth, but you really need to get rid of all of these.] rigorously prepared myself for this through taking AP English 3, AP Chemistry, Dual Credit U.S. History, and Dual Credit B.I.M [what is B.I.M.? Unless this is a standard Navyish thing, if I don't know, the person reading your essay might not know either.]. To keep my skills sharp[,] I plan on taking all AP core classes and Calculus as well Trigonometry [weird way to divide up a list of things. You group the core classes and calc, then separate out Trig, and there doesn't seem to be any logic there. Better to just list them, "...core classes, calculus, and Trigonometry..."]to prepare myself for the rigors of being a Navy Pilot. My entire life has been devoted to becoming a fighter pilot, and as my uncle told me one day, either you have what it takes, or you don't. {I'm sure your uncle is a wise man. However, this sentence says nothing at all about you or anyone other than your uncle, who we now know is skilled in the use of platitudes. ]I definitely have what it takes and would be a great asset to the U.S. Navy. My character was clearly defined last my past years in theater. ["...last my past years in theater." Huh? ] The HISD [HISD??]One Act Play Area contest,which lies on the doorstep of the Regional competition is one of the toughest in Texas. [not a complete sentence, and a contest does not lie on a doorstep. You way overwrote this sentence. I think maybe you are trying to say it is a qualifier for the regional competition, but you certainly didn't actually say that.] Our ensemble had performed well but made a major miscalculation and left our audio CD in the sound booth. [Forgetting a CD is not a miscalculation, it is an error or mistake, unless you thought leaving it there was a dandy idea and you did it intentionally, only to have your nefarious plan backfire.] Both president and Vice President of our club decided to keep it under wraps, for if we won they would receive a full ride scholarship to the school of their choice. My character and integrity were tested strenuously at this moment, for despite sacrificing the aspiring dreams [dreams don't aspire, people do. get read of aspiring completely or change dreams to aspirations.] of my friends and instantly disqualifying my school from the contest. [incomplete sentence, make this a comma and combine with the next sentence] I knew it was just simply wrong. I think back on that now and realize that it takes courage under fire to do the right thing, sacrifice yourself and others if necessary to protect something greater than yourself. This is the effective quality of leadership, one I have proven well beyond my bounds. ["proven well beyond my bounds"? What does that mean? More over-writing.] Whch is exactly why I would be the perfect pilot in the U.S. NAVY. [another incomplete sentence, and a typo] The CD story doesn't make any sense. Why would you be DQd for leaving a CD behind? Also, you don't actually say what happened. Did you speak up, or just silently chew your fingernails and think about how wrong it all was? Actually, the whole story is awkward for me. You spend nearly half your essay talking about this event and include details that jsut aren't relevant (like the fact that the issue had something to do with leaving a CD in an audio booth), when all you are really trying to convey, I think, is that in a theater competition, you were faced with an ethical dilemma and pressure from your peers to remain silent about it because it would affect the outcome of the competition and ruin their chances of receiving scholarship prizes. Despite this "strenuous test of your character and integrity", you felt compelled to do what was right and face the consequences. At the moment where you were tempted and tested and did the right thing, you became even more certain of your ability to be an effective leader who makes difficult decisions in the face of adversity. In your opinion, that will serve you well not only at the academy, but also in the fleet. Is that pretty much accurate? That whole section needs a serious rewrite. Leave out the details and only o=include the minimum necessary to make the point that you were tested and that you did the right thing, and then explain how that ties to your USNA worthiness. A couple other notes. You talk a lot about being a pilot and a fighter pilot, but you are applying for a school, which no guarantee that if accepted, you'll fly anything, much less "advanced jests". Others can speak to this better than I can, but that seems unwise to me. What if you end up-- Gasp!-- a SWO? Since you aren't applying for jet school, all the "I can be the bestest pilot ever" talk seems ill-conceived  

• Aug 1, 2011

Sorry for all the typos. It was nearly 4 am. Can we no longer edit? (Normally I wouldn't care, but given that it's a post about editing, well...  

War Hoover NFO.

I was in the Navy a long time and know a thing or two about this. Not so good with grammer and such though, so see above for that. This statement is a chance to tell them anything else that isn't obvious from the rest of the app. Don't go into detail on all the classes you have taken. They know that from the record. If you want to tell them why taking AP classes was important to you, fine, not a bad idea. Don't list them. Do not say why you think you will be the perfect pilot for the Navy. You have no idea what the perfect pilot is or what it takes to become one. That isn't a slam on your motivation, just a FACT! It is OK to state that being a pilot, even a fighter pilot is a goal of yours. It is very appropriate to state how it is that you got motivated to want to go to the Academy. If that involves a story about aviation fine. The Blues exist to motivate young people to join the Navy. But, you should pare back the emphasis on being a pilot. The Navy wants OFFICERS. The Navy wants leaders that can lead in and out of the cockpit no matter their assignment. Motivation is great, goals are necessary to cope with the USNA over four years, but there is no guarantee you will be a pilot. Do you want to leave the board the idea you will fold like a house of cards the day you learn you can't be a pilot? We do not hire pilots, not for the USNA, NROTC or OCS. Don't make it sound like you are applying for the wrong job.  

villanelle said: Sorry for all the typos. It was nearly 4 am. Can we no longer edit? (Normally I wouldn't care, but given that it's a post about editing, well... Click to expand...

Mostly it's because the damn earth here can't hold still for long enough for me to get a decent night's sleep. But if it earns me brownie points, I'll take um.  

Old RIOs never die: They just can't fast-erect

I'm pretty old & irrelevant now, but a wise old man once told me "if a man tells you how honest, religious or brave he is - stick your hands in your pockets and run like Hell from that SOB". Your references can speak to your integrity, and it's not wrong to ask them to comment on it. It is unseemly, however, (IMHO) for you to tell us how honest you are. And the other guys were correct: your grammar and typos were not indicative of an honors student.  

On the subject of integrity and the story you tell, show that you have done your homework and know what you are getting into. Take that story of honesty and integrity and reference the USNA Honor Concept and the Mission of the USNA. If you don't about these things better find out now! Because I am feeling generous today, let me offer a free tip. In his interview your Blue and Gold Officer is required to ask you about the Naval Academy Honor Concept. Have an answer. Saying you don't know anything about it is not a good answer. Given the internet and modern resources I generally expect my candidates to have a pretty good idea what the USNA is all about, from plebe summer, what the first couple years of classes look like, through service selection options. A BGO is required to ask a candidate what he wants to major in and his expected service selection preferences. I don't have much respect for guys that say they want to major in psychology or tell me they want to select Intelligence or JAG Corps, or "Engineering" on graduating. It isn't hard to find out what majors are offered and where you can go on graduating. There ya go Derrick, an AirWarriors exclusive. Now don't go and screw the pooch!  

• Oct 4, 2011

As a BGO why do you say you have no respect for sailors who wish to join Intelligence?  

Recovering LSO

• Oct 5, 2011

@IstvanP, because it is exceedingly difficult (if not impossible) to select restricted line designators. You basically have to be NPQ'd from all unrestricted line options. His comment about having no respect for them implies that the candidate didn't do their homework prior to the interview. If they tell their BGO that they want to go USNA, get a psychology degree (not offered), and then be a intel officer.... Well, its not impressive. You wouldn't interview with a national league baseball team and tell them that you really wanted to be a designated hitter....  

@Recovering LSO Well thank you for clearing this up. So your saying that a graduate basically is a line,submarine, special, or aviator officer?  

SEALs, Naval Aviators, NFOs, SWOs, and Submariners are all Unrestricted Line Officers. The Naval Academy produces Unrestricted Line Officers (with very rare exceptions - rare enough that one should plan on it).  

• Oct 6, 2011

Recovering LSO said: His comment about having no respect for them implies that the candidate didn't do their homework prior to the interview. If they tell their BGO that they want to go USNA, get a psychology degree (not offered), and then be a intel officer.... Well, its not impressive. You wouldn't interview with a national league baseball team and tell them that you really wanted to be a designated hitter.... Click to expand...

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Help for USNA Personal Statement

• Thread starter fingerscrossed123
• Start date Sep 12, 2021
• Tags application application essay application help help proof read usna

fingerscrossed123

• Sep 12, 2021

Hello all, I am currently applying for the USNA. In the application, there is an essay requirement. I am just here to receive feedback and see what I can do better. This is a rough draft, and I expect to change some things in the future. (1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals, and (2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity. Since my father came back from deployment, I have always wanted to serve the country. For background, my father served for around 22 years in the Navy and was deployed to Afghanistan for 8 months of those. Due to this, I have always looked up to him as a hero for serving the country and for helping save the lives of multiple US soldiers and civilians. The things he has done in the Navy and for the country inspire me, and it makes me want to follow in his footsteps and join the naval service. The Naval Academy is well known as one of the top academies to go to, and as soon as I heard that, I wanted to join it. I did my research and found out about the Navy Summer Seminar. I got accepted, and there I found out more about life at the Naval Academy and the values the Naval Academy demonstrates. I spoke to multiple officers from both the Navy and the Army, which got me even more engaged to be a part of the Naval Academy. I took up multiple leadership opportunities, such as Boys Swim Team Captain, Senior Patrol Leader for my Boy Scout Troop, and Boatswain for my Sea Scout Ship; in addition to Eagle Scout, the Summit Award, and the Chapter Vice Chief for OA. The Naval Academy will help me achieve my long-range goals in many ways. One example of this is helping me learn and advance through my desired field, which is Electrical and Computer Science. Another example that the Naval Academy will help me achieve is my desire to go into the Navy. After all, my father was in the Navy and performed some heroic undertakings, and for me to follow in his footsteps and serve the nation would achieve multiple long-range goals. In high school, I was part of a Chemistry class. Later in the year, there was a huge project final coming up. At some point, I found out that a friend was doing people’s projects for $50. I knew I would feel guilt and shame for not reporting it to the science teacher, so I submitted an anonymous report telling the teacher about it. During this ordeal, I knew my character was being tested, be it from God himself or someone else. I felt really guilty for doing this to my friend and the cheaters, but I knew I needed to have the integrity to turn them in. One of the tenets of the Scout Oath is to be “morally straight”, and if I broke that, would it even be right for me to deserve Eagle Scout? I feel like this event impacted my character by being one of the “realization” points where I truly believe that I realized that having integrity and doing the right thing when no one is looking is truly one of the biggest elements of character I value most.  

There's a lot of fat here. Each sentence should be active and make a point. My Dad served in the Navy 22 years including a deployment to Afghanistan. (check) I have always looked up to him as a hero. (check) The things he has done in the Navy inspire me. (What things? Why did they inspire you?) etc. No need to be verbose. Make your points... bam, bam, bam. One more thing - no need to tell them things they already know, like USNA is one of the top academies or colleges. They know that. Maybe, instead, talk about the challenges of going to a top academy and how you're prepared to face them. Just one man's two cents. A review of the rest of the essay is left as an exercise for the author. Good luck!  

Small Team Bacsi

• Sep 13, 2021

An”anonymous” report you sent to a teacher burning your friend and several classmates for cheating. This is the one statement that truly jumps off the page for me. In bright blinking neon lights. Especially the anonymous part and the friend part. That statement good or bad will elicit reactions. Strong reactions IMO.  

I recognize you are on the cusp of adulthood and peer pressure is strong, and “going along” is the comfortable thing. Did you think about confronting your friend who was doing wrong? Verbally, in person, direct and clear, uncomfortable and awkward most definitely, when you had first-hand evidence that wrong was being done? Taking a stand and openly pointing out wrongdoing would have been something to consider. If someone is a friend, do they not deserve the truth from you directly if you see them making choices that could negatively impact their lives, even if it cost you the friendship and social criticism? Who else can you hear truthful feedback from if not your friends? What would a true friend have done? Do you feel absolutely great about your choice? Or is there something sticking in your mind about it? You could have given the friend an opportunity to stop and walk it back, or come clean of their own volition and take the consequences. It is good that you did not cheat. It is good that you did something to stop it. Now, spend some time thinking about the internal fortitude and courage it would have taken to address your friend and let them know you were disappointed in them, that it was wrong, and you hoped they would stop, but if not, you would be compelled to take appropriate action. There will not always be an option to report anonymously and avoid difficult situations. Will you just stand by and let it happen because you don’t want to be in an uncomfortable situation? This is all offered as food for thought, with no requirement or desire for a reply, just as a mental exercise in personal growth and finding your moral compass. You took action to address a wrongdoing. Could you have done more? This story may not have the effect you intended, but it may have real merit if it serves to stimulate further reflection as part of your journey to adulthood.  

And I would not want anything in my kids essay , that elicited very strong reactions from others, unless I was sure those reactions would be seen uniformity as good positive reactions by ALL who will be reading.. And this anonymous stuff will not be seen that way be all I would delete any mention of the cheating and your response to it. Unless you want to turn it in its head, after reading Capt MJ comments, just above and tell the reader why confronting your friend would have been the correct thing to do and how you have learned how to be a better shipmate because of the incident. otherwise I’d delete any reference to it.  

USNA 2008/BGO

As always CaptMJ hits the nail on the head. During BGO interviews we would always discuss the honor concept….what it meant, why’s it’s important, etc. Then I asked a very similar scenario to what was described above. Many answers were similar to the OP…but then I said pretty much the same thing CaptMJ said…would you really just go tell on your friend? Disclaimer: regardless of the answer, I never held the response against the candidate, but it was a good thing to chew on if they were to have a Naval career or just for life lessons.  

You might also want to review the USNA Honor Program instruction (policy) at link below, particularly section 0301 and the very first step when wrongdoing is witnessed. https://www.usna.edu/AdminSupport/_files/documents/instructions/1000-1999/USNAINST_1610.3L_Brigade_Honor_Program.pdf  

USNA 78/parent 11/BGO for >30yrs

• Sep 14, 2021

usnabgo08 said: As always CaptMJ hits the nail on the head. During BGO interviews we would always discuss the honor concept….what it meant, why’s it’s important, etc. Then I asked a very similar scenario to what was described above. Many answers were similar to the OP…but then I said pretty much the same thing CaptMJ said…would you really just go tell on your friend? Disclaimer: regardless of the answer, I never held the response against the candidate, but it was a good thing to chew on if they were to have a Naval career or just for life lessons. Click to expand...

Parent USAFA DD 2024

First 2 paragraphs: These don't go into enough detail. Too "sweeping" and "high concept" but I don't know YOU any better. I don't want to hear about your getting into NASS and that you went. Condense that down to something more like, "At NASS, I learned.....I experienced..." You are the expert of you and your experiences. Don't repeat what is already bullets/on your resume/bubbles on the application. Give me an example, specific story, drop the needle into the action. What is it about your dad's service that inspired you, shaped/molded you? What long term goals? Why this particular major? 3rd paragraph: Scrap this and pick a different topic. It's a no-win, and as experienced posters have noted, it is asked in just about every SA interview in some variation. So let the BGO give a synopsis of your family and your understanding of the honor code. But in YOUR essay, it should be all about you. The prompt is very broad so take advantage of it - any topic that conveys your character and inbedded in any story is the integrity, but the prompt does not say it has to be about the honor code. Your 3rd paragraph doesn't really show me anything about you. I think you are probably much more interesting and have a lot more good stories that answer the prompt, but you haven't flushed them out yet. How about a good swim team story? Something that happened on a trip with Boy Scouts? An experience with your dad during his 22 years (and not merely the fact he served 22 years).  

• Sep 16, 2021

I feel like any child of a service member could write this essay. Write the essay only you could write. What do I mean? Read this. https://www.hackthecollegeessay.com/uploads/1/0/9/5/109505679/hack_the_college_essay_2017.pdf obviously this is for college essays but the underlying principles still hold. Admissions people see your numbers...SAT/ACT, GPA..but essays are designed to get to know more about YOU personally. So why write an impersonal essay that others could have written? Some things to think about: You say "Since my father came back from deployment, I have always wanted to serve the country" Well what about before deployment? What changed? Was there something specific that triggered this? Was it what he did? What was that? Was it something he said? You say "for helping save the lives of multiple US soldiers and civilians." Exactly how did he do that? "The things he has done in the Navy and for the country inspire me" What are examples? "here I found out more about life at the Naval Academy and the values the Naval Academy demonstrates." What did you find out that you didn't know? How did they demonstrate those values?  

Naval Academy personal statement need someone to proofread or peer review!!!!!

(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals, and (2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

I always had the idea of the military in the back of my mind since I was young. Pushing my thoughts aside, not wanting to think about the military because I thought that it would slow me down from my other goals in life such as; going to college and graduating with a degree in science, finding a nice stable job, and having a family. Eventually, I could not push my thoughts aside any longer. As a Catholic I did what I usually do when I don’t have an answer for myself; I prayed about it. Over sophomore Christmas break, I was looking through colleges seeing what a good fit for me might be. I put in details of what college I would find ideal and the Naval academy popped up on the screen. I read through the core values; Honor, Courage, and Commitment and instantly knew that’s where I wanted to be. The Naval Academy has everything I am looking for. I want to be held to high standards in every area of my life; academically, physically, and mentally. I eventually realized that I am still able to achieve my goals of going to college and graduating with a degree in science, receiving a great job, and will still be able to raise a family after the academy. With the Academy, I will be able to reach my goals and more. Many people who are applying may have a story of how they defeat crazy odds to get to where they are today. My experience is nothing crazy but has changed me and made me into the person I am today. Going into Freshman year I was told that I should take the “easy” classes because I wasn’t smart enough for the regular classes. So, I listened to them and took easy classes. Little did I know that this would eventually slow things down for me but also teach me how to work hard for my goals. I had always been told that I would play D1 softball. I tried out for the team that year, but to my surprise did not make the team. I was beaten down and could not understand why and how this could happen. My life plan was out the window. Going into my sophomore year I still was not motivated to do anything with no goals to work towards. I was in a stagnant area. Christmas break came along, and this is when I found out about the Naval Academy. The problem was that now I was behind in harder classes and was barely even a part anything at my school. I knew I had to act fast if I wanted a shot at the academy. Since then I have taught myself to work hard by lettering in multiple school activities, attaining leadership, and constantly working to better my grades and doubling up on classes to catch up on what I have missed.

Oh, my… Did you seriously just post something that’s an important part of your application to the USNA on an anonymous open forum…?? Not a good choice…

I really just need help I didnt realize this would be a problem

This is supposed to be a personal statement. I feel like this could have been written by almost anyone.

What if West POint had popped up? Would you have picked that? WHy Navy?

This is related to college essays, but I think it would be good to read anyway.

Google “Hacking the College Essay 2017” and read it.

Write the Essay No One Else Could Write “It boils down to this: the essay that gets you in is the essay that no other applicant could write. Is this a trick? The rest of this guide gives you the best strategies to accomplish this single most important thing: write the essay no one else could write. If someone reading your essay gets the feeling some other applicant could have written it, then you’re in trouble. Why is this so important? Because most essays sound like they could have been written by anyone. Remember that most essays fail to do what they should: replace numbers (SAT/GPA) with the real you. Put yourself in the shoes of an admissions officer. She’s got limited time and a stack of applications. Each application is mostly numbers and other stuff that looks the same. Then she picks up your essay. Sixty seconds later, what is her impression of you? Will she know something specifically about you? Or will you still be indistinguishable from the hundreds of other applicants she has been reading about?”

In the first part, you say "I eventually realized that I am still able to achieve my goals of going to college and graduating with a degree in science, receiving a great job, and will still be able to raise a family after the academy. " That is your goal? “Have a great job and a family?” (yes that is a good goal, but not specific. ) In the navy you will be away from your family. ALso what is a “great job” to you?

In the second half, 80% of it is “people think I am dumb and a jock” and then you have one sentence saying “Since then I have taught myself to work hard by lettering in multiple school activities, attaining leadership, and constantly working to better my grades and doubling up on classes to catch up on what I have missed.”

I would put more details about what you have done since not getting on softball team. Show your growth.

thank you for the advice I will make sure to change it

I agree that this is a rather bland, generic essay that could apply to almost any school. But here’s the main criticism, @NatalieU – it doesn’t give the academy what it’s looking for. Without being too leading, all of the academies want to hear that your main interest is becoming an officer in one of our armed services and why. Nowhere in this essay do you indicate any understanding of what a military commitment means. Instead, you mention “going to college and graduating with a degree in science, finding a nice stable job, and having a family.” That does not align well with the academy’s mission of producing officers to lead and support wartime efforts.

How interested are you in a tough engineering curriculum as Navy skews more heavily toward engineering than any of the other academies? How interested are you in being a surface warfare officer and spending months at sea on a ship or sub? From USNA, you WILL end up in the fleet for at least part of your service commitment. Do you understand that the payback is at least five years and could be much longer based on which service area you’re selected for, and you don’t have total control over that selection? Have you visited the post or talked to officers or midshipmen? Do you have a good feel for what it’s like earning a degree while juggling a lot of other physical and military requirements?

Yes, this is a personal statement, but it is designed to reveal directly or indirectly a deep understanding of what service to our country means, what the mission of the academy is, what’s driving you to choose a very different path from the average civilian college applicant, and how deeply committed you are to years of service.

My advice is to absorb USNA’s mission statement, then sharpen your pencil and start again with your mind and heart on the end goal of becoming a Naval officer:

@NatalieU Where are you at in the process. Reach out to me and let’s talk. I have applied to Annapolis twice, and have served in the Navy for the past four years.

My $0.02: the ‘Why College?’ essay is about you, and not them. Also, show, not tell.

“The Naval Academy has everything I am looking for” is backwards; they know what they have. You really need to show how you fit in with the with what they are all about, in essence, what you bring to the table as a classmate, a roommate and future officer/leader.

P.S. Don’t repost your essay in the public forum.

@Redacted1 at the moment in the Naval Academy application I have got my teacher recommendations and all that and almost to the 50% mark but need to add my personal statement still which seems to be more tricky then I thought it would be